Child Loss Grief

A Change of Season

A Change of Season www.herviewfromhome.com
Written by Missy Hillmer

Fall brings many changes, our surroundings, the temperature changes, schedules change, and sometimes our moods change. Change can be good for some and for others it can be a struggle. In my case, change was bad and good. Bad because our son’s accident was August of 2013 and it was a very hard change and still is. Good because it grew my faith and I learned to lean on God, my family and friends.

I feel pretty good on some fall days and enjoy them, but others I feel like I am bobbing just above the water. Those are the days that I look at his picture and think it’s a dream.

He would have been a junior.

I am reminded of what the other juniors are doing and wonder what he would be up to. I look at the other moms who are getting ready for homecoming or talking about prom or even sports stuff. It’s those moments that make it real. Yes, Tyler is gone. He will not be going to homecoming. I will not see him dressed up for prom or playing in any sporting events. Those times make me sad, I miss him, but I also get mad. I have looked forward to these fun high school years for each of my kids. But, in a split second my life is forever changed because someone was not being careful driving.

Was it intentional? No. Was it an accident? Yes. Is it fair? Absolutely not!

But many times God’s plans are not fair. It’s OK to be sad and mad. It is all part of the grieving process and greater plan. I would like to tell people it gets easier, but for me I think it has gotten harder. Why? I don’t know? Maybe it’s how I deal with grief. I do know the tears still come out of the blue. It could be a song or I might have looked at his picture and saw those pretty blue eye, the unforgettable smile or was reminded of his laugh. I have always looked at the positive and since his accident I make that my mission. Always find the good in any situation. Sometimes it’s easier than others, but more importantly find it!

I have also been working on not being overly scheduled.  So set on my schedule, that I don’t see the changes that God puts in my path daily. I use to get so upset when I had to change my schedule more than once, because I thought it messed up my day.  Now I have learned that I’m not in control of my life.

God is.

I actually enjoy a change in plans, because it usually works out even better. I feel more at peace, calmer and actually feel like I’m doing what God has planned for me to do. Crazy I know. But you really need to try it. Don’t stress about it, just go with it. No matter what plan you end with at the end of the day, just know you enjoyed it and that you lived that day to its fullest. No worries.

Change will come every fall no matter if I am ready for it or not. I’ve learned to welcome change into my life knowing God is the one who caused it. I am thankful and grateful to the changes God has given me. I still do not understand, but I will just trust in his plan. It reminds me of this scripture:

“Be joyful always; pray continually; give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.”  1 Thessalonians 5:16

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About the author

Missy Hillmer

My name is Missy Hillmer. I’m married, live in a small town named Palmer, NE and have 3 children. Jake is our oldest who is 19 years old and Gracie is 11 who lives here with us. Tyler which was 15 years on August 20, 2013 is now in Heaven. He was killed in a car accident just 3 short days after his 15th birthday.

I am very honest, very real sometimes to the point of not being fun, I guess that’s because I’m a black and white kind of girl. I like to look at the positive in every situation. I really believe there are two ways to look at things. Look for the bad or the good. The “bad” does me no justice and can spiral out of control in a heartbeat. The “good” however gives me hope and it connects with my belief that God is with me through everything.

I believe my faith has gotten me through life and especially since my son’s accident. I pray a lot more, watch for the signs that God gives me, listen to my inner gut feeling, as my husband calls it and really focus on living a simple life. Family means everything to me, I love to laugh and think it’s the best medicine for any problem. Music soothes my sole and being outside in the sun brings me great joy!

I have learned that many times you cannot control the storm in your life but, you can learn to dance in the rain. I really mean it when I say DANCE in the RAIN! The summer before Tyler’s accident, Tyler, Gracie & I danced in the rain. This memory I will never forget!

Since Tyler’s accident I am passionate about telling my story with the hope that it will help or inspire at least one person.