Ella and Gracie I can’t believe how quickly you are growing. I know every parent says this and so many warned me it would happen, but here we are. We celebrated your fifth and third birthdays this summer. I have become a cliché when I say, where does the time go?
Ella you started Pre-K this fall and just like everything else in your 5 short years – you tackled it with confidence and a bold determination. You don’t seem to be afraid of much which makes your mama’s heart fill with pride. You’re so smart and funny. You go out of your way to help others. You make them laugh, too. I love this about you.
You look just like your daddy which is appropriate since he’s your favorite. You’ve even told me that you might like him a little more than me. You knew that answer caught me off guard and immediately reassured me by saying you loved me, too. It’s OK that he is your favorite. I chose your daddy because I knew someday when I met you, he would be the best dad for you. The relationship between a girl and her father is very special, but I don’t need to tell you that. Clearly you already know.
I worry I depend on you for too many things. You are the oldest and had to grow up quicker than your sister. I don’t remember much about your toddler years, which makes me sad. We have our special moments, our long talks and movie nights, but I think I need to do better. I’m going to work on that. Before long you will be in school and moments with your dear old mom might be fleeting. I want to soak in every moment and teach you so much before you leave. It seems like a long time from now, but so did age 5 way back when. I know better now.
Gracie, you are three. My baby is three! I baby you, too much. I know I do. Your sister might give you a hard time about this when you are older. Because I baby you, you might be a bit clingy to mom. Secretly, I like that.
I have this overwhelming urge to protect you. I have this for your sister too, of course. I worry you aren’t speaking clearly enough or that you might have a lisp. When people say they can’t understand you very well I shoot them scary glares. I know exactly what you’re saying. Besides, your mama has a tiny lisp – I seem to be doing OK.
I worry I haven’t spent enough one on one time with you. Your sister had lots of that. But you always get shared time. Not that it bothers you at all. You love your big sister and want to be everywhere she is. I understand that, too. There is a special bond between a younger sister and her big sis. I love to see you girls play together. It makes my heart happy to know you are forming a special bond. I hope one day you are best friends – I think you already are.
You look just like me, Gracie – which is pretty cool. You choose your friends wisely and often like to play alone or with a select few. I think this is a very strong trait that will take you far in this crazy world. You love to dance and sing and your dad and I are certain you’re going to be an athlete.
People ask me if we’re done having kids. Truthfully, I can’t imagine loving anyone more than you two. How could that be possible? I also don’t think we spend enough time together. I work too much. If I had another baby – how could I split my time? Do you miss Mama during the day? Do I spend enough time with you both? I think I could do better. Please know, if someday down the road your dad and I do have another baby – you can’t torture him or her with this letter. If that happens, we will love him/her just as much as we love the two of you. I’m just sure of it.
Girls, I don’t write to you enough – that’s why I’m writing today. I had hoped to write you weekly. But the weeks turned in to months, and then years. I’m sorry I haven’t written as much as you deserve. I think it is important you know just how much I love you. I’m certain I can’t say it enough.
I close this letter how I’ve closed every conversation we’ve ever had. I love you. In short, that means I would jump in front of a train to save you. I think you are brilliant, gorgeous, kind, polite, funny, silly, creative, forgiving, loving, and downright two of the most important people on this earth. I will always feel this way. Always. You are a gift to me. Thank you for making me the luckiest mama, ever.