Child Loss Featured Grief Journal

Baby Hope

Written by Guest Writer

Hi,

A friend of mine recommended that I send my story to you.  This is my Facebook post from the end of May that she read, and she felt that it is inspiring and worth me sharing.  I am happy that our “sad” story is encouraging to others and hope by sharing it some more that it gives someone else strength to continue when the road gets a little bumpy in this journey called life. 

Julie

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This is my story for the last year. While some may find it a little too much, I find it therapeutic to share so here it is;

A year ago we thought our lives were a little stressed and complicated. The camper AC had broken over memorial weekend and now some stupid blood test  came back with an increased risk for something being wrong. I was 16 weeks pregnant and I had heard lots of people say the quad screening test is a  pointless test because it’s always “wrong”. 
A week later (June 7, 2012) we found out it wasn’t wrong and there was something wrong with the baby. Our baby had a cystic hygroma, fetal hydrops, and edema. 

Through and amniocentesis we found out she had Turner’s Syndrome. That’s when life got complicated. 
A week after that (June 14, 2012) a tree fell on our house. Not a little tree…a big tree. My husband, Chris, my pregnant self, our 13 month old daughter, Leah, 2 big dogs, and 2 cats would live at my parents house for the next 7 weeks  while our house was being renovated and rebuilt. 
During that time we would go and pick out a gravesite, and make funeral arrangements for a baby I could feel. She was moving. She was alive. I could  never give up on her. Neither could her daddy. Weeks went by with ultrasounds which we could see her moving and her heart beating. We always  had Hope…hence her name. 
 July 5, 2012 came and we had our next appointment. I already knew that she had passed. I had prepared my husband already by telling him I didn’t think she was  fighting anymore. I was induced the next day and our second daughter Hope Katherine was born the following morning on July 7, 2012. 

Chris and I didn’t realize it at the time but that was the same day he had asked me to be his girlfriend 6 years before.   We would bury our baby the following Thursday morning. In a cemetery out in the country. It was just Chris and I, the pastor, and funeral director.  The birds were chirping, and the horses were grazing in the pasture. It was peaceful. It’s where Hope should be. Our minds were at ease. A service with  family and friends followed.
I’ll fast forward the next few weeks into this: my mom got sick and had gallbladder surgery (my mom has a home daycare, so no babysitter equals more time off of work), and our dog Sage got sick during  that same time and had emergency surgery! All are well with them.
There were happy times in there too. Leah learned how to walk and became miss sassy pants. We love her for who she is and we know she is a Good reasons why we are still able to laugh and smile. Chris got a job promotion and I became pregnant again. 
  We were happy, nervous, scared and excited. But unfortunately it didn’t last. I spent this last mothers day going through a miscarriage. It wasn’t near as bad as having a stillborn, but for lack of a better word it still sucks. 
  I expected at some point in my life that I may have to bury my parents, maybe my sister or brother, or their spouses, or maybe I would even have to  bury my soulmate, my husband. Never do you expect to bury a child. Its something I wish no one would have to do. 
We are doing well. We are happy. We don’t have anymore tears left. We are exhausted too. But time helps heal the pain of loss. While it will never go  away, we can still live. 

We still have HOPE.

And most importantly we still have love and we still have each other. Nothing is a guarantee. Remind those close to you that you.  Love them. Tell them often. You might not get see them again. Life is precious. Enjoy it while you can. Rejoice in knowing that God will reunite  us with those who have gone before us. Sometimes all we have and need is HOPE.

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