Body Image: Creating a New Me
19 Sep, 2012
Written by Jennifer Sill and Rhonda Robison
I have loved this picture since the day I first saw it. I shared it here on Facebook. Dozens of others also ‘liked’ it. I can see why. Beauty is not about the stick figures that ‘the media’ shows as beautiful. I know that.
I’m trying to rediscover what an ‘ideal’ weight is now that I have had two children. My mom says I shouldn’t share this journey with folks. (I think it is because there’s a good chance that I fail and I don’t lose weight.) She’s probably right. (I’ve found my mom usually is. Another thing that became more clear after having children.)
Anyway, I’m taking boot camp to try to work these pounds off ‘the hard way’. My coach, Rhonda has been through the struggle of post-children weightloss. I’m sharing her story because I find it inspiring.
This week she talks about several things.
-Sticking to a schedule
**And something I’m just realizing. It is a strange feeling that you get when you’ve started working out. It is half good – I feel better about myself. And half bad – I feel like I look pretty good for having had two kids. (I think this is partly my mind making up excuses to stop the ‘abuse’ that I’m putting my body through to lose the weight.
An emotional and physical journey worth going through!
By Rhonda Robison
**Editor’s Note: This is part three of Rhonda’s journey to lose more than 50 pounds. For Part One click here (Just Start: My inspiration). For Part Two click here (Set Goals). (There is one more part next week.)
In part 2, I left you with how I set my goals and in this section I want to tell you about those first few weeks and months. How I felt and how I got through some tough times.
In addition to setting goals and taking my measurements, I also wrote down how I was feeling during the days, the weeks and months of this journey. Often we think about losing weight as a physical situation, but many times it is mental. Writing down my feelings helped me to see this. It helped me see why I was struggling when situations would arise or if I was struggling with eating it may have been simply because I was bored. The majority of my journaling about my feelings I related to self worth and how I never felt worthy, accepted, appreciated, useful, or pretty let alone beautiful. Looking back I can’t believe the person I was and how low myself esteem was.
At the time I started my New Year’s Resolution, my self worth was about as low as you would value a penny. I felt horrible about who I was and how I had allowed myself get this overweight. As I stated earlier, I can’t believe the person I was. I needed affirmation all the time and to tell you the truth I never got it. I understand how hard it is and I understand how defeating being overweight can make you feel. The good news is you can do anything you set your mind to.
Let’s go back to the first few months of my journey…
During those first few weeks of class I was so sore…do you know what I mean when I say… “I couldn’t even raise my arms to shampoo my hair” that was how sore I was. However, with that being said I was determined. I knew it was possible; I was fit before and something inside told me I could be again. Thank you Father God for showing me that!
Within the first month, Kerri my group fitness instructor took the time to show me the weight machines; those apparatuses! All they did was to make me feel foolish and stupid. When I walked into the room I looked around and everyone looked like they knew what they were doing, but not me. All I could think in those first few weeks was, “This college athlete didn’t know how to work a strength machine? Wow that’s bad!” But the great thing was Kari never made me feel that way. She was kind and caring. It seemed at the time she understood what I was feeling with out saying a word about it.
“Developing a schedule is huge,” Kerri told me. So my plan was to continue to go to Kerri’s M, W, and F 9am classes and add the machines on the Tuesday and Thursday into my weekly routine. That was half the battle…getting into a routine. Sadly it only lasted about 6 weeks.
Everything under the sun came up; Kid’s preschool programs, reading to the kids in class, groceries, laundry, homework, supper, lunch, cleaning…you name it seemed to all hit me at once. I found myself thinking of ways not to work out. I called them good excuses but honestly, even a good excuse is just that, an excuse!
So about three months into my New Year’s Resolution I was feeling pretty good, I knew I had not done my best, but I was seeing results! I had lost some weight and found I had more energy, but I had lost a lot of my drive and determination. I now was working out maybe two and sometimes three days a week instead of 5 times I had started with.
In March about 9 weeks, my family and I took a spring break trip to Dallas, Tx to visit family. While we were there we decided to go to Six Flags. The kids loved it.
During the time we were in Dallas and at Six Flags, I found myself thinking…let me tell you that this is really hard to admit…”I think I really look good for having three kids under the age of 8yrs.” I found myself thinking that quite a bit during the week.
Here is when the BOMB dropped on me. Join me next week as I continue down this journey with you.