Kids Motherhood

Feeling The Mom Guilt

Feeling The Mom Guilt www.herviewfromhome.com
Written by Brittany Dyer

I have mom guilt, like, every day! Anyone else? I mean, raising kids is frustrating! I sure hope I am not the only momma out there that thinks this way! I am always thinking about things I should not have said or done or should have done differently. I think about things I should have done differently and things I should have just left alone. Yes, I yell at my children! Yes, I spank them! Yes, I do things just about every day I regret. But I have to learn to get past them and learn to be a happier mommy!

In reality, it all boils down to what I tell myself or who I am comparing myself to. I think for far too long I have had this idealized version of what a “good” mommy is, and to be honest, it’s just not true! I have to remind myself all the time that this ideal of a perfect mom that I created in my mind is simply not true. Do not misunderstand, it is a constant struggle because I have believed this for so long, but I try to remember when I have a bad day that every mama has bad days, and I have to remind myself  tomorrow is another day!

Also, much of my guilt comes from my own control. It’s hard to let go as a mom. We want our children to be good and obey and sometimes that becomes robotic, which in turn leads to more shame in my parenting abilities. When I do and say things that I end up regretting, I realize it is because I want to be in control and lose sight of the fact that my children are little humans too that have their own thoughts, feelings and reactions too.

So I have been thinking, how can I change this? First, I started thinking about what consistently makes me feel guilty, and then I started contemplating what kind of plan I can put into place to help me not feel that way in the future. Most of the time, I only notice where I mess up and don’t give myself credit for when I do something right. I know that I am often harder on myself than I know others are, so I have to remember to give myself a break and not be so hard on myself. As I try to praise myself, I would ask you to join me in noticing the good things you do each day as a mom. If we always focus on the things we do wrong, we will always be down on ourselves, so join me in celebrating all the things we do right!

The other thing that I have found so helpful with lessening bitterness toward myself as a mom is finding some other great mamas to help me fight the negative thoughts I have about my identity as a mom! So I would ask you, where does your mommy guilt come into play and who encourages you as a parent and who could help you in battling your dissatisfaction as a mother?

Ultimately, the joys of motherhood are far too many to get caught up in getting down on myself as a mom! So I am working on lessening my guilt and would encourage you to do the same!  

 

About the author

Brittany Dyer

Brittany is a counselor turned missionary living in Bangkok, Thailand. She married her high school sweetheart and now has 2 beautiful children with him. She loves to travel, bake, eat ice cream and have dance parties with her kiddos! Follow her blog at www.followthedyers.com