Faith Infertility

Finding the good in different

Finding the good in different www.herviewfromhome.com
Written by Ashley Bebensee

When I want something, I am determined to make it happen.  

I have always been a go-getter. When I was in high school and wanted to attend a certain college on a full-ride scholarship, I took the ACT four times to get the score I needed. I continued applying for scholarships and worked tirelessly throughout my senior year. It all paid off, and I was able to attend college without acquiring any debt.

After Brett and I adopted our first dog, a few months later I was convinced he needed a buddy. Plus, I had extreme puppy fever. Within a few days, we found the puppy we wanted, and I drove a total of six hours to pick him up and bring him home. 

I even get pretty demanding when it comes to minor things, like food. About a year ago, Brett and I went to Qdoba for dinner. I usually order the same thing, but on this night, they were out of grilled chicken. What?! Completely unacceptable, I thought as I stared at the menu, hating the dozens of other options that were available. Brett obliged — because he is a saint — to my whining and pouting, and we went across town to the other Qdoba to have our dinner. I know, I can be pretty unreasonable. It’s even worse if I’m hangry.

So when we made the decision to start trying to expand our family six months ago, I was ready for it. Right now. But my body and the big guy upstairs had other plans. I have been angry, distraught, confused and frustrated. This isn’t something I can just snap my fingers and make happen. And that drives me crazy. But I’m starting to understand — as much as I hate it — that it’s a lesson I need to learn: patience, faith and acceptance. It’s incredibly difficult for me some days, especially when my inner drama queen comes out and is convinced this is the end of the world. 

I continue to deal with my roller coaster of emotions, but I’m beginning to see a glimmer of progress in my demeanor. Brett and I went to Starbucks for an afternoon caffeine fix the other day. I’m hooked on the Very Berry Hibiscus Refresher, but they were out of the ingredients. I was bummed, but I quickly scanned their menu and ordered a Peach Green Tea Lemonade. It wasn’t what I wanted, but I didn’t even consider turning around and heading to a different Starbucks. My beverage looked and tasted different from my usual indulgence. But I still enjoyed it. As I sipped on it throughout the afternoon, I almost liked it better than what I usually order. 

The journey my husband and I are on is not what I had planned or envisioned. It looks and feels different. But different doesn’t have to be a bad thing. Oftentimes, it’s better than what I could have ever imagined.

About the author

Ashley Bebensee

Hi! I’m Ashley, a Nebraska girl living in Wyoming. I grew up on a farm in western Nebraska, graduated with a class of 28 and ventured to the middle of the state to attend the University of Nebraska at Kearney. It was there I met the love of my life and husband, Brett. He is the most romantic, kind and intelligent person I know. And he makes me belly-laugh (truly the best kind). We have two cats and two dogs that are spoiled rotten. I am a content manager at a weekly newspaper, where I get to spend my days reading, writing, editing and designing a newspaper.

British television shows, wine and caramel apples from the Rocky Mountain Chocolate Factory are my guilty pleasure. Shopping with my mom, going to the movies with my husband, long phone conversations with my dad and spoiling my nieces and nephews are just a few of my favorite activities. While I try to plan out all the details of life like the good control freak that I am, God is always throwing in curveballs. And so far, each of those curveballs have given me a bountiful amount of stress and love, adventure and joy, and more blessings than I could have ever imagined.