I had just found out I was pregnant as we jetted off on our first trip to Las Vegas. We tromped around the entire strip. I’d never seen this feather-clad city, and I loved every tacky moment of our stay. From the crazy shows to the lights of Fremont Street–this city has since come to represent the first few weeks of my life as a parent.

  1. You’ll Party Until You Fall Out

I saw a couple of hard-core gamblers napping in the corner of some Vegas casino at around twelve noon. They woke up after a bit and bellied right back up to the card table. During the first two weeks of my daughter’s life, I woke up when I hit my head on the side of the bathtub one morning. Apparently, I’m not graceful during toilet naps, but I was properly fueled for another 24 hours of feeding and diapering.

  1. Nursing Acrobatics

We saw Mystere at the Treasure Island Casino. I had no idea that bodies could contort in that manner until I tried to breastfeed. Ever try disrobing and nursing in a tiny bathroom at the grocery store because someone else’s kid howled and your milk let down? Better yet, have you ever had a baby wailing in his/her car seat during a long trip, climbed over the seat, and tried to maneuver around so you could nurse when there are no exits in sight? Creative breastfeeding turns your average Cirque Du Soleil show into a total yawnfest.

  1. Nudity

Like some other Vegas shows, nudity is par for the course during those first weeks, especially if you’re nursing. There really wasn’t enough time between feedings in my house to warrant putting clothes on. I pranced around this joint like a partially clothed Vegas show girl, only without the feathers and the flat tummy. Okay, so I didn’t exactly prance—it was more like a skulk. And I tripped a lot. My drawers were made of maternity net, though. And I did wear paper pasties when I went out in public.

  1. The Food

My fridge took a beating during my daughter’s infancy. I’ve never been so hungry in my life, and I dreamed of a Vegas buffet many times when I was too exhausted to get off the couch to cook. My husband cooked for me each night, but during the day, I sunk to cheese crackers and peanut butter off a spoon. Unfortunately, my binge choices gave my kid gas. I had to resort to Oreos and loaf bread once I figured out the problem.

  1. The Lights

I knew that my week old baby could have given three farts about all the blinking, singing, tacky toys I kept shaking in her face. I may as well have taken her to the movie on  Fremont Street. Even so, Santa loaded our house with every light-up, blinking, singing toy Wal-Mart ever sold. Our living room did begin to resemble the Vegas strip after a while.

Even though the memories of those first two weeks of my baby’s life was a haze of drunk sleeplessness and strobing toys, those moments rearranged my psyche as did the first time I stepped into the desert at night and saw infinity in the stars or when I peeked over the side of the Grand Canyon and cried in the presence of Supreme Artistry. Here’s your postcard from the most magnificent experience of my life. The weather is beautiful, and I’m glad I’m here.

So God Made a Mother book by Leslie Means

If you liked this, you'll love our book, SO GOD MADE A MOTHER available now!

Order Now

Check out our new Keepsake Companion Journal that pairs with our So God Made a Mother book!

Order Now
So God Made a Mother's Story Keepsake Journal

Jennifer Worrell

Jennifer Worrell has been teaching in both the elementary and middle school classroom for 22 years. All the while, she has been writing for a variety of publications including Trailblazer, Women in the Outdoors, Practical Horseman, Daily Press, Virginia Wildlife, The Virginia Journal of Education, and TeeterTot. She also creates high-quality instructional materials for the classroom which she shares on Teachers Pay Teachers. As the wife of an outdoorsy guy, a stepmother, and a biomom, her humorous and poignant perspective enables her to create powerful content for clients and for her own blog.

Welcome to Periods in Your 30s and 40s

In: Health, Humor
Welcome to Periods in Your 30s and 40s www.herviewfromhome.com

Do you remember that day in the fifth grade when the boys and girls were separated for the “Sexuality and Development” talk? Some nice old lady health teacher came into your room and gave you some straight talk about how the next few years were going to go for you. It was awkward and shocking and you knew your childhood would never be the same. When you hit your mid-thirties, there should be some kind of Part Two to that conversation. All the ladies need to be rounded up, lead into a dimly lit classroom that smells vaguely of pencil...

Keep Reading

How to Stay Married For (at Least) 10 Years

In: Humor, Relationships
How to Stay Married For (at Least) 10 years www.herviewfromhome.com

In July, my husband and I celebrated our 10-year wedding anniversary. We got married back in 2008 following my college graduation. I was only 22 at the time and him? Well, he was all good-looking at the prime age of 30. There were may vocal skeptics who chimed in, unasked of course, to share with us their belief that we would “never last” and that it would “never work”. To them, I say, “You were wrong! Na-na, na-na, boo-boo!” Just kidding, of course; I don’t talk like that. I am a respectable mother, not a four-year-old child and thank goodness...

Keep Reading

How to Put Your Children to Bed in 46 Easy Steps

In: Humor, Kids
How to Put Your Children to Bed in 46 Easy Steps www.herviewfromhome.com

It was time. It had to happen. We’d had a good run at pouring our children into bed at 11:30 p.m., sweaty, sticky, and exhausted from their head to their toes.  But bedtime had to get back to its (somewhat) regularly scheduled program.  When we had one kid, bedtime was a breeze.  Each night, we had a 10 step process. And the steps were simple. And very, very routine. 1. Toys away at 7:10 p.m. 2. Up the stairs at 7:15 p.m. 3. Change into pajamas 4. Brush teeth 5. Read two books 6. Say prayers 7. Light off 8....

Keep Reading

Welcome to the Dreaded Man Cold Season

In: Health, Humor
Welcome to the Dreaded Man Cold Season www.herviewfromhome.com

Your husband has a mere headache, but he automatically now believes that he is going to be a chronic sufferer of cluster migraines. Or, maybe he got a small splinter, but he now believes that he is, without probability, going to end up with a staph infection. And, well, that cough of his (cough, cough) is going to have him laid up in bed for the next two days because he is just feeling so terrible. Sound familiar? It is all too familiar to me. What am I talking about? How men are babies when they get sick. Yes, I said it. I...

Keep Reading

Wanted: Imperfect Friends

In: Humor, Relationships
Wanted: Imperfect Friends www.herviewfromhome.com

Is anyone else as sick of the facade as I am?  Because on social media, everyone seems to have their crap together. But I sure don’t.  Scrolling through my feeds leaves me feeling inadequate and lonely, desperately lonely.  I know social media is only the high points. I know there is always more going on behind the scenes that I don’t know about. But at the end of the day, I just feel like there’s no one who would want to be friends with little, imperfect, insignificant, me.  So, I’m placing an ad.  Wanted: Imperfect Friends A kind, but quirky,...

Keep Reading

51 Reasons a Mom Might Be Late

In: Humor, Motherhood
51 Reasons a Mom Might Be Late www.herviewfromhome.com

I’ve got a question for all you moms out there: Have you ever been late? Yeah, me neither. Just kidding! We’ve all been there. We have an appointment, a meeting, an event, or just a playdate, and we want to be on time. In fact, it often looks and feels like we’re going to be on time. We’ve planned ahead. We have everything in order, and we are ready to head out the door. But then, without fail, the inevitable happens. Actually, it seems that a good number of inevitables happen. And we’re running late, again. Being on time is...

Keep Reading

5 Ways Boy Moms Always Ruin Our Fun

In: Humor, Kids
5 Ways Boy Moms Always Ruin Our Fun www.herviewfromhome.com

We know Mom loves us, don’t worry about that . . . but sometimes it seems like she’s just making up a whole pile of rules to ruin our fun. For instance, we’ll be in the middle of a huge independent project and she’ll come along, usually shriek, and be like, “You can’t use water guns to fill up the bathtub! And why are you shooting water into the toilet? Ewwwwww.” And just like that, we have to pack it all up and return to a clean orderly activity. A controlled activity. A zero fun activity. We’re not even sure...

Keep Reading

Should Grandparents Get Paid to Babysit?

In: Humor, Journal
Should Grandparents Get Paid to Babysit? www.herviewfromhome.com

While swaying in side-by-side hammocks, my daughter paid me the ultimate compliment: “It gives me enormous peace of mind while I’m working, to know you’re watching my son and that he’s in the most capable hands.” Then 10 seconds later while I was still orbiting in happy mode, she insulted me by offering to PAY me for this glorious privilege. We engaged in a little tit for tat tug of war with no clear winner. And the debate rages on, at least in our household. How about yours? To pay or not to pay the loving grandparents who bless us...

Keep Reading

Kids Today Will Never Know the Joy of a 90s Summer

In: Humor

So you want a good old fashioned 90s summer, huh? I don’t blame you. The 90s rocked! (Literally, thanks to Kurt Cobain and Eddie Vedder.) I’m not going to lie—I take slight offense to the use of “old fashioned” and “90s” in the same sentence, as I’m pretty sure the 90s were like 10 years ago, but I’ll still help you out. If you’re really doing this though, you’ll need to ditch some of your modern conveniences, like your phone. I know, I know, but it’s a requirement. You may bring a beeper or clunky flip-phone, but no internet allowed...

Keep Reading

Dear Kids, This Is Not An Uber

In: Humor, Kids
Dear Kids, This Is Not An Uber www.herviewfromhome.com

Paid automotive transportation is pretty simple. You hop in the backseat of a cab, share the address where you are going and aren’t required to speak any longer until you arrive at your destination and pay the driver. The same primary rules apply to taking an Uber or Lyft.  The unwritten rules have been in place for some time. Your trade-off for taking paid transportation is a ride in the backseat, where you don’t have control over the music, the temperature of the car, the route the driver takes or how fast the trip takes, not even the amount of...

Keep Reading