Daylight Saving Time: the words were spelled out in such fine print that I had to blink my sleepy eyes a couple times to see them clearly on my calendar this morning. One would think that such a notable date (at least in the parenting world) would be emblazoned in neon orange, along with a word of caution to warn that Doomsday was fast approaching.
Realizing that I’m not the only one who groans about what is arguably one of the top two most frowned-upon days of the year, I decided to stop partaking in the pessimism and channel my inner Wonder Woman instead—because traveling forward in time takes some serious skills.
If you’d like to join me, here are five ways that I plan to power through the weekend like a superhero:
- Cast a spell. If my best efforts to slightly alter sleep schedules and keep the lights dimmed during the week fail to lessen the blow of Sunday morning’s premature arrival, I will cast a spell that causes each of my family members to wake up refreshed, cheerful, and accommodating. Cooking their favorite breakfast of pancakes and sausage will be similarly spellbinding and help make the day even more magical.
- Engage my superhuman stamina. One lousy hour of sleep loss will be no big deal when I tap into my copious stores of stamina. And chocolate. And coffee. Everyone will be astonished as I supernaturally soar through the altered hours with energy and zeal, confused circadian rhythms not withstanding.
- Become invisible. When the above spell wears off and my offspring become groggy, grouchy, or otherwise uncooperative, I’ll simply disappear. Once my ultra-perceptive senses detect a shift in their dispositions, I will happily reappear and we can all enjoy a joy-filled reunion that reminds us of our love and appreciation for each other.
- Enable mind control. With this fantastic ability, I’ll be able to manipulate the thoughts that enter the minds of my husband and children. You know—thoughts like, “Daylight Saving Time is such a lame practice”; “Who even came up with such a crazy regulation?” and “A screwed-up routine is exactly what I needed to jumpstart a productive week.” I mean, who needs that kind of negativity coursing through their heads anyway?
- Teleport myself. In the end, I may just zip myself over to Arizona or Hawaii and soak in some sun during normal waking hours and consider staying indefinitely. But I hear that energy costs, outdoor crime, and vitamin D deficiencies supposedly increase if we don’t follow the spring forward or fall back rules, which means that those two states might not end up being quite as sensible as they seemed and I’ll have to teleport myself back home in time to prepare for November…when we’ll have to summon our fantastic forces and survive it all again.
Good luck, everyone! And remember, as Spiderman says, “You’re much stronger than you think you are.”