Grief Relationships

I Was Emotionally Abused And Didn’t Even Know It

I Was Emotionally Abused And Didn’t Even Know It www.herviewfromhome.com
Written by Jeanne Nimo

“I care for you. You know that, right?” he said to me as we descend down the stairs of his apartment on a lazy Autumn morning after binge watching old movies on Netflix. I replied with a smile. This doesn’t seem right, I thought to myself.

It’s been a few years since we made it official, and yet he still couldn’t deliver those words to me — the three words that make every girl feel butterflies in the pit of her stomach. Was I expecting too much? I am completely aware that actions do speak volumes, and much louder than words, but what if his actions were as shallow as his promises?

This was one of the biggest challenges I had to face in the course of almost three years we were together. To be perfectly honest, I felt like I was stuck in a loop all those years. Every night, I sit and ponder why he couldn’t admit that he loves me the way he was supposed to, or why he couldn’t permit himself to call me names that would make my heart skip a beat. This has become a nightly routine until my eyes well up with tears and end up falling asleep.

I was trapped — both mentally and emotionally — not to mention secluded from everything and everyone he loved. It wasn’t the kind of love I imagined, yet I couldn’t bring myself to let him down. I wanted to get away, badly, but something told me that if I held on tighter and kept pursuing him, he’d finally see that I was the light he needed.

But as I have come to realize, he was never in the dark. Some people are just born with no intention of ever accepting love. Yet there I was, trying to make him shine even more, boosting his ego, giving him everything when I had nothing left. I started to lose confidence in myself, and had to do what was best for me. Finally, after years of torturing myself by accepting him, I packed my bags and left, with no intention of ever looking back.

All I ever wanted was to fix him, but he ended up breaking me.

About the author

Jeanne Nimo

Jeanne M. Nimo is a college student from Southern New Jersey who has a passion for learning. She is in the process of earning her two degrees — for both Nursing and English Literature. When she’s not working her day job as a Pharmacy Technician, she can be found lurking at a nearby Starbucks, sipping on seasonal caffeinated beverages, trying to conquer the world — one profession at a time. She is also a publishing artist under 451 Press, whose debut poetry collection is set to be released on March 2016.

1 Comment

  • It’s so common, too. They’ve just made respectful relationships education part of the secondary school curriculum here in Australia last year, but I think we’re the first country to do it. I really think that knowing your rights and responsibilities in a relationship makes such a difference, and I hope it’s going to lead to some serious cultural change, but it’s a crying shame that it’s not part of the curriculum in more places, and that it wasn’t part of it here, like, 10 or 20 years ago!

    They say relationships like that can take a couple of years to recover from, but in the long run, it’s a bump in the road, and you’ll be able to look back a few years from now and it won’t hurt anymore. And what you’ve been through means you can empower other victims of abusers – when you see a friend or family member being mistreated, you’ll be able to give them support and understanding in a way that no-one else can.