The girl who gets married out of college to her only long-term boyfriend. The girl who thinks that because you are soulmates from here on out the hard part is over. The girl who thought marriage would be easy and that you would never feel unsure of how to support your spouse in whatever troubles they may be going through at the time. The girl who thought love was something that just happens, and no effort is required for you to continue to love someone. 

I was THAT girl—until it happened to me. 

Until my spouse sent me a text saying “I don’t know how to keep going like this.” Until I felt unsure of how to support my husband as he went through a time of personal growth. Until I had to dig deep to find the things that I loved about my spouse. Until I learned that marriage is hard and takes constant effort. 

The girl who thought you could have aggressive professional goals while being a wife and mom and feel like your life is perfectly balanced. The girl who moved up the ladder quickly and didn’t understand why other women left the profession once they became mothers. The girl who never wanted to be a stay-at-home mom. 

I was THAT girl—until it happened to me.

Until I rose up the ladder and got to a place where I no longer felt like I was fulfilled by my work. Until I was six months pregnant, my mother’s intuition kicked in and I knew that I couldn’t stand to be away from my newborn for 60-70 hours a week during the upcoming busy season at my job. Until I felt the desire to not miss out on any part of my son’s childhood.

The girl who believed (and maybe even told a few people in her life) you get pregnant when you stop trying. The girl who assumed a positive pregnancy test meant you would have a baby in your arms nine months later. The girl who was blessed with a child that she felt should fill her heart.

I was THAT girl—until it happened to me.

Until I knew how incredibly hard it was to pray for a child and to remove the “trying” from the situation. Until I sat in that Doctor’s office hearing the news that what should have been my eight-week-old fetus stopped developing two weeks ago. Until I went in for an ultrasound having had a positive pregnancy test and all the pregnancy symptoms only to find out that my uterus was empty. Until I had a three-year-old who I loved dearly even while my heart still had more love to give.

The girl who thought everyone should be excited for you when you are pregnant. The girl who thought people wanted to hear your pregnancy ups and downs. The girl who openly talked about her child’s birth story to anyone that might listen. 

I was THAT girl—until it happened to me.

Until I experienced the pain that comes from someone else announcing a pregnancy while I struggle to get pregnant. Until I knew what it was like to want nothing more than to have the opportunity for those ups and downs. Until I was on the other side of listening to birth stories and felt my soul crushing inside, unsure of whether I would ever have another story to tell.

The girl who went to church with her family growing up. The girl who said she believed in God. The girl who would pray for God to help her with her strengths. The girl who baptized her son and went to church when it was convenient.

I was THAT girl—until ALL these other things happened to me.

Until I figured out He loved me not only for my strengths, but for my weaknesses as well. Until I was brave enough to no longer apologize to Him for my shortcomings and to trust that He loves my whole being. Until I realized that faith and believing is more than about showing up to church each week. 

While I may have been THAT girl, I am not her anymore.

The girl who realized how incredibly easy it is to judge a situation that you haven’t been in. The girl who believed she was exempt from going through troubling times. The girl who hadn’t taken the time to truly listen to someone on the other side of a situation.

To all of you who are also no longer THAT girl (or aspire to not be THAT girl), I see you. I hear you. You are not alone. And, if you are anything like me, it may have taken you multiple situations or years of struggle to come to your realization that life is more enjoyable when you are brave enough to no longer be THAT girl.