Written by Leah Petersen

2013 is officially half way over. Each year as we near Independence Day, I find myself feeling sentimental about the year’s events, as well as often wistful about the lack of things accomplished thus far in the year according to the New Years Resolutions or bucket lists.

As we entered 2013, I believed without a doubt that our adoption plans would be completed and I would find myself with a baby in my arms before the year passed. As the first months of the year ticked away, so did my resolve to believe that a baby would be born in our hearts. We arrived at the expiration date of our home study, and had received no word about a birth parent choosing us, and found ourselves at a crossroads.

I am 34 years old, and my baby making parts are broken. This fact I have known for several years. I had made peace with my infertility and adoption seemed like the right choice for us, until my faith was rocked by the expiration of our home study without being placed. After standing at this crossroads for the better part of a month, my husband and I decided to see if anything further could be done with my broken reporoductive parts while also spending time in prayer about plans to re-new our home study for adoption. Indeed, you could say that June was spent either by doing back breaking work to pour out sweat as a distraction from our worries, or on our knees in prayer to ask God to direct our ways.

This week, we enter the second half of the year and we also begin the road to attempt IUI or IVF depending on what the cocktail of medications can do for me. While I am working hard at being optimistic about these future events, the truth is I am scared out of my mind about putting myself in such a vulnerable position again.

This is a road that so many of you have travelled on before. Some of you are probably on this same road in 2013 as we are, and I hold you in my thoughts and prayers. The 4^th of July has always been one of my favorite holidays, full of special time with family, lots of fun, and using the day to fully demonstrate our patriotic spirit and thankfulness to be Americans. This year it will be a little different, with daily injections of medications and the anticipation of events later this month, but I will not let it dampen the spirit of the day and the reminder that this holiday in many ways represents the fact that we even have the opportunity to explore such ways to grow our family. Whether this year brings us a new opportunity to grow a baby in my womb, or re-opens the door to growing a child in my heart, I will be eternally grateful to live in the greatest country on earth. God bless the USA!