Mental Health/Wellness Motherhood

Moms, It’s Okay to Embrace Your Mushy Side

Moms, It's Okay to Embrace Your Mushy Side www.herviewfromhome.com

I am not a huge fan of crying. In fact, for as long as I can remember, I’ve thought that crying was a sign of weakness. This isn’t because I couldn’t relate to others in their need. I just didn’t see the reason for crying over something if I had no power to change it. So, I’d ignore the urges to tear up over a sad story or an overwhelming circumstance. I’m what psychologists would call a “Stuffer.” I’d just thrust those emotions down to the very bottom of my heart and pile a whole bunch of positive thinking on top of it. I got pretty good at it.

Then I had kids. And everything changed (including my emotionlessness).

As a mom of four, crying has now become an almost weekly thing for me. From middle school all the way down to toddler age, I have multiple opportunities throughout the day to give in to the tears that threaten to run down my face. Maybe you’ve encountered the same opportunities?

Opportunity #1– “Watch me, Mommy!”

We’ve all heard these words at one time or another when engaging in play with our child. Here’s the scene: You are doing your best to stay in tune with your son as he plays on the slide and the merry go round and the swings and in the sandbox and the etc… Then you decide you’ve got to sit down for a minute and let little Johnny go play by himself because you’re done standing. #onetiredmama  So you turn around and walk towards the bench across from the play-set. And then it happens…the loud yell for you, Mommy, to look. Hurry! Turn around or you’re going to miss his biggest jump off the swings yet! So you turn only to realize that you did in fact miss his greatest playground feat ever as you see his big, sad eyes glaring at you from the mulchy ground. Cue mommy-guilt tears.

Opportunity #2- “Your pain is my pain.”

These are those teachable moments that seem to creep up on us and remind us of our younger selves. Check it: Your teenage daughter hangs up the phone and dramatically runs to her room. A few minutes later (after the ringing in your ears has stopped), you go check on her. She is laying on her bed with her headphones on listening to some sad song by Taylor Swift on repeat. Her heavy sighs confirm what your once lovelorn self already knows: Her heart has been broken in two. #dumbteenboys And you sit down beside her to try to comfort her only to see your adolescent self in her teary eyes. The pain of the past reminds you that this moment, while temporary, will leave a lifelong mark. Let the floodgates open.

Opportunity #3- I can’t fix this for you (even though I really want to).  

He comes home from school with his report card in hand. The sour look on his face is a clear indication of some bad news about to be shared. You wait. He reluctantly hands it over with trembling hands and you nervously take a look. There it is. The F that makes you want to say the F word. Of course it’s in Algebra.Who really uses Algebra after high school anyway? Nevermind. You make excuses for him in your mind. You question if it’s really that important. Then you see him watching you. And he knows. You have to dole out some consequences for this grade. Not because you want to. Because, ultimately, his choices will make him or break him. Overlooking this grade would only set him up for a more permanent kind of failure. So you take his hand (and his phone) and you cry together.

These opportunities come our way whether we like it or not. We have to decide if we’re going to let them steer us further into relationship with our child, even if that means shedding a few tears, or if we’re going to let them push us out of connection with them. Seeing life through our children’s eyes will evoke emotions from the hardest of hearts. Our children seeing life through our eyes will help them see that we, their parents, are simply human. Just. Like. Them.

I have chosen to embrace my newly discovered weepy side. I’m so glad my heart was softened enough to experience this truth while my kids are still young. How are your tear ducts doing lately?

About the author

Harmony Vuycankiat

Harmony is a proud Air Force wife and blessed mother of 4 children. Her heart’s cry is to love without limits and live without regrets. She plans to use her criminal justice degree to tangibly help marginalized women and children all over the world. Writing, singing, and running are her methods of soul therapy and Starbucks coffee is her happy juice. The quote that she lives by is, “When I stand before God at the end of my life, I would hope that I would not have a single bit of talent left and could say ‘I’ve used everything you gave me.’ ” (Erma Bombeck)

  • Belle Bermudez-Tubel

    Beautifully written! I don’t want to imagine these situations yet but I know I will have to deal with those too! Love this post!

    One Awesome Momma

  • Brittany Dyer

    Suc a sweet post! All this is so true! I love it!

  • Oh my gosh, i feel like i am ready about myself. I didn´t “do” crying either (didn´t want to come over as weak) but everything changed since i became a mom. Great post girl!

  • Lisa

    I’m a huge baby!!! Haha…Love this post 🙂

    • Atleast you can admit it! lol It took me years to own up to my crybaby status. 🙂

  • emilymaureen

    I used to be so proud of the fact that I never cried about anything…then I had kids. I now cry at the weirdest things, but a good cry feels so cathartic every now and then!

  • My daughter’s best friend in middle school just moved away…and that makes both of us cry! She’s missing her friend terribly!

  • Andrea Franklin

    Well this pulled at my heartstrings! Good to know that the tears never go away, they just evolve 😉

  • Samantha Johnson

    This hit so close to home, especially the first one. My son is 13 months and he’s doing so many new things, and I’m so worried about how much I’m missing when my back is turned!

  • Parul

    My tear ducts have always had pretty smooth flow of the salty fluids 😉 Give me an opportunity – happy and sad. They just follow the course.

  • Melissa Dow

    Yes! My 16 month old has been sick the past few days and is just miserable. It brings tears to my eyes that I can’t make her feel better.

  • I cry way more now that I am a mom. Like that new Christmas commercial with who I think is Frankenstein… yep… I teared up. My husband looked at me like I was nutso…

  • I’m so there with you ! It’s amazing just how have kids has changed me! With my first I felt myself change a bit. I think I resisted it quite a bit. Then came my second and boy did it change me! But you know what? It’s for the better! Embrace the changes!

  • Sarah Graverholt

    I was just talking about this with a friend and saying I don’t know if it’s cause I’m older, if it’s premenopausal (although at 34.5 that’s kinda young) or if it’s just cause I’m a mom but I bawl over everything (even the Sing movie we saw last week). I’ve embraced it for the last few years and sometimes I do stuff I think down still but most of the time I try to let it flow for my kids’ sakes. I have a 14, 10, and 9 year old and a 13 year old bonus daughter so there are plenty of opportunities for tears. For the last few months I’ve been bawling a lot more lately but I think it’s good for my kids to see that and to know that it’s okay, especially when the reason they’re bawling is cause they miss their daddy who is also in the Air Force and over seas right now. I miss him and so do they and they need to know that however they feel is okay. I was a military brat all my life before I met my husband so I think it makes me better equipped to handle how they’re feeling and help them through those feelings but it’s so much different when it’s your husband compared to when it’s your dad and even though we’ve been through it many times before in the past 12 years, this is the first time the kids were really old enough to understand it and understand the implications of everything. It’s also the first time he was gone for the Holidays and that was really hard on them too. I say whether you’re a cryer or a stuffer, as long as you let your kids know that however they feel is okay and that it’s okay to cry, then you’re doing just fine as a parent. 😊