In an awkward encounter on Easter Sunday, fate put me in the same air space with a ‘mean girl’ from a time in my life I would rather forget – high school. You women know those ‘mean girls’ I’m talking about, the ones that used to put you down to raise themselves up, would exclude you from social events, would pretend to be your friend and then talk about you behind your back? Ringing any bells now? I thought so. It’s okay, that nauseous feeling will pass soon, just take some deep breaths.

In 2004, Tina Fey’s screenplay made it to the big screen and Mean Girls, a movie that would become a lifetime favorite of mine, was born. I remember sitting in the theater when the movie first came out and about halfway through feeling like standing up and screaming, “thank you Tina Fey, you get me, you really do!” (This is where I could fan out and go on a diatribe about the 10,000 ways Tina Fey is a genius, but I digress.)

So back to that unfortunate meeting on Easter Sunday. I’m standing there with my daughter, exchanging pleasantries with this woman I can’t stand and whose persecutions I have not forgotten. When it hits me. This maternal instinct to protect my kid. This overwhelming feeling comes over me and my intuition is saying, “she may have done it to you, but she WILL NOT do it to her.” We exit quickly.

On the ride home, I’m sitting in my emotions. How can so much time go by and yet sentiments be so raw? I then remember a quote by the great Maya Angelou, “People will forget what you did. But people will never forget how you made them feel.”

Being around that woman made me feel horrible, and it was the same feeling I felt as a girl. She has a negative energy that most mean girls have and it’s palpable. It’s an energy that I never want to feel from my own daughter.

I don’t want my daughter to be a mean girl for the obvious reason that I want her to be nice. And while we live in a society that teaches our girls to be tough, relentless and determined, I also think it’s okay to smile,  be welcoming and inclusive at the same time.

Mean girls are mean because while they put up a facade of self-confidence, really they are broken. Hurt people, hurt people. I don’t want my daughter hurting people.

Mean girls set up cliques to make certain people feel unwelcome and unwanted. I never want my daughter to make anyone feel less than, or unwanted. Also, while there is this notion that mean girls are always popular, that isn’t true. They think they are, but really it’s the nice girls who win homecoming queen and prom queen. At least at my high school that’s the way it worked. Not to mention you can find mean girls in the drama clique, sports circle, drug crew, goth group, they are everywhere. I don’t want my daughter to make people uncomfortable.

Mean girls finish last. I’ve seen it in the workplace. No matter how good looking you are, how well you can schmooze, how much self-confidence you can fake people will eventually see your true colors. Natural leaders are inclusive, inviting and have a positive energy that will never accept the polar opposite a mean girl brings. It’s been my experience that the real world tends to smack mean girls in the face. I want my daughter to succeed in life.

One last note. To all the reformed mean girls out there. No hard feelings, no one is perfect. I certainly had my fair share of episodes on the playground that I am not proud of, but the difference between a mean girl ‘lifer’ and a reformed mean girl is self-awareness. Again, to quote Maya Angelou, “I did then what I knew to do. Now that I know better, I do better.” To the mean girl in my life, I hope you learn to do better. To my daughter, my vow to you is to do whatever necessary to make sure you NEVER become a mean girl. And yes, that does include watching Mean Girls with your Mom at least a dozen times.

So God Made a Mother book by Leslie Means

If you liked this, you'll love our book, SO GOD MADE A MOTHER available now!

Order Now

Check out our new Keepsake Companion Journal that pairs with our So God Made a Mother book!

Order Now
So God Made a Mother's Story Keepsake Journal

Kimberly Patterson

Kimberly Patterson is a writer, wife and mother of two adorable, over-zealous toddlers. She spends her days in yoga pants, pecking away at the keys on her laptop and pulling her kids off of whatever household furniture they climb upon. She has been published on The Huffington Post, Scary Mommy, Her View From Home, The Mighty, and several other publications. Read more of her insights at truthisinthewriting.com.

To The Mother Who Is Overwhelmed

In: Inspiration, Motherhood
Tired woman with coffee sitting at table

I have this one head. It is a normal sized head. It didn’t get bigger because I had children. Just like I didn’t grow an extra arm with the birth of each child. I mean, while that would be nice, it’s just not the case. We keep our one self. And the children we add on each add on to our weight in this life. And the head didn’t grow more heads because we become a wife to someone. Or a boss to someone. We carry the weight of motherhood. The decisions we must make each day—fight the shorts battle...

Keep Reading

To the Mother of My Son’s Future Wife

In: Grown Children, Inspiration, Kids, Marriage, Motherhood, Relationships
marriage, wife, husband, grown children, www.herviewfromhome.com

To the mother of my son’s future wife, I’m in the midst of dirty diapers and temper tantrums, but I do have days where I think about the future and what it will look like for my son. I wonder who he will be, what he will do and probably most of all, who he will love. I wonder about the type of woman he will bring home to meet us one day. I have my own thoughts on the type of person I wish my son would fall in love with, but we all know that the heart wants...

Keep Reading

Trading Fleeting Moments of Fame for Unshakeable Faith

In: Faith, Inspiration, Relationships
Trading Fleeting Moments of Fame for Unshakeable Faith www.herviewfromhome.com

The string quartet began playing Pachelbel, as my dad and I took our first steps down the aisle. I began to lose my composure as we proceeded to the altar. Hundreds of guests had their eyes on me as tears streamed down my face. Struggling to look my future in the eyes, I looked to the ground for reprieve. God, everything around me looks perfect, so why doesn’t this feel right? I’m not sure how I got here. The flame once dancing inside of me, has extinguished. Lord, I need you. Dad squeezed my hand gently, “Are you OK sweetie?”...

Keep Reading

Children Don’t Get Easier, We Just Get Stronger

In: Inspiration, Mental Health, Motherhood
Children Don't Get Easier, We Just Get Stronger www.herviewfromhome.com

“This too shall pass.” As mothers, we cling to these words as we desperately hope to make it past whichever parenting stage currently holds us in its clutches. In the thick of newborn motherhood, through night wakings, constant nursing and finding our place in an unfamiliar world, we long for a future filled with more sleep and less crying. We can’t imagine any child or time being more difficult than right now. Then, a toddler bursts forth, a tornado of energy destroying everything in his wake. We hold our breath as he tests every possible limit and every inch of...

Keep Reading

This North Dakota Homecoming Queen is Capturing Hearts Everywhere

In: Inspiration, Kids, School, Teen
This North Dakota Homecoming Queen is Capturing Hearts Everywhere www.herviewfromhome.com

When Paula and Kevin Burckard’s third child was born, she arrived with a little something extra the North Dakota couple never saw coming.  Newborn Grace had Down syndrome, and the diagnosis initially left the young parents devastated. “When Grace was born, I thought all my dreams for my daughter had basically been dashed,” Paula said.  But it didn’t take long for those fears to subside.  As Grace grew, not only did she meet and surpass milestones, her infectious joy, inspirational grit, and deep love of all things Michael Jackson transformed the family—and countless hearts. The Burckhards went on to adopt...

Keep Reading

Dear Kids, When I Forget What It’s Like To Be Little

In: Child, Inspiration, Kids, Motherhood
Hey Mom, Don't Forget—You Were a Kid Once, Too www.herviewfromhome.com

The kids were squealing in the backseat. For the five minutes prior they were begging me to spill the beans on where we were going as I had only told them to get their shoes, get in the car and buckle up. It’s one of the ways I’ve learned to make a simple trip out of the house one that is a mysterious adventure to them. As we took left and right turns away from our house, they were trying to guess where we were going . . . and when we finally pulled up to a brand new playground...

Keep Reading

My Children Deserve To See the Whole Me, Not Just the Mom Me

In: Inspiration, Journal, Motherhood
My Children Deserve To See the Whole Me, Not Just the Mom Me www.herviewfromhome.com

Before I was a mother, I was a human being. A human being with life experiences, passions, fears, talents, hobbies, goals, friends and aspirations that I cherished and tried to honor. Even though I went through a variety of seasons of life . . . from school-age days, to working adult, to wife . . . those things always stayed with me. I stayed open to evolving, but never let go of who I inherently was. Then came motherhood. And suddenly I found myself abandoning my commitment to remain true to me, and leaving any semblance of myself in the...

Keep Reading

My Mother-in-Law’s Legacy: Simplicity

In: Inspiration, Journal
My Mother-in-Law's Legacy: Simplicity www.herviewfromhome.com

The memories of my mother-in-law spilled to the forefront of my mind, just as the contents of his jacket pocket fell onto our dresser. It was Proverbs 31, written on hotel stationery, in my neatest block print. Holding the small papers in my hand brought me right back to her graveside, on a hot summer morning, seven years ago. “Her children arise and call her blessed.” (verse 28) As my second daughter gave a mighty kick from the womb, visible to every mourner present that day, I couldn’t help but to allow my mind to wander. Were my values apparent...

Keep Reading

A Car Accident Left My Teenager Paralyzed—and Incredibly Fierce

In: Inspiration, Journal
A Car Accident Left My Teenager Paralyzed—and Incredibly Fierce www.herviewfromhome.com

I drove back from my son’s college concert near midnight. Exhausted, I glanced at my 14-year-old daughter, Beth, asleep in the passenger seat. We were only 10 minutes from home. I thought I could make it until I heard a road sign flatten on concrete. As the car flipped three times across a bare Ohio field, we left behind an ordinary life. I escaped with cuts, bruises, and blood-matted hair. Beth was another story. The car was cut open and a helicopter rushed her to Toledo. A doctor told my husband John that she was paralyzed. When John broke the news...

Keep Reading

Dear Mama, You’re Allowed To Not Be There

In: Inspiration, Motherhood
Dear Mama, You're Allowed To Not Be There www.herviewfromhome.com

Friday afternoon was not much crazier than most afternoons. My husband was mowing the lawn, my daughter was hangry and my youngest son was due to be in a talent show in twenty minutes. I stood in the kitchen—where it seemed like I’d been for an hour—trying to motivate my family to eat dinner and get ready to go. “Get dressed, Jude. Make sure you eat something.” “Dean, do you want a slice of pizza before we leave?” I screamed over the lawn mower. “Maeve, are you going to the optional soccer practice or the talent show? You need to...

Keep Reading