My Dear Sweet Child,

I can see you, you know. Nestled in my arms as I rock you to sleep. I can imagine what it would be like to feel your skin, smell your sweet baby smell. I can hear your cries and it makes my heart ache.

I can picture our family, your big brother doting on you, bringing you toys to make you smile and giggle. He talks about you from time to time. Asking for a baby brother or baby sister, he changes his mind often. 

Oh sweet child you are so wanted. My heart yearns when I see other babies, perhaps I smile at them just a little too long, perhaps their mothers look at me understandingly, perhaps they too know how this feels.

Because my dear sweet child to have you is so expensive. And putting a price on a life is something that breaks my heart to do, but the cost of having a baby is so often understated.

You see, even though we are lucky enough to be able to conceive without spending the tens of thousands of dollars on IVF, I know that as soon as I am pregnant, the costs will start to kick in.

The Hyperemesis will start and hundreds of dollars of medication will be needed each week just to get by. I will have to take time off work, unpaid because I won’t have enough sick leave or holidays available and I will be far too ill to function. There will be trips to the hospital for fluids that will help save my life and yours. So much care and attention will be given to you before anyone else even knows you exist.

And even this, my beautiful child, I wouldn’t batter an eyelid at enduring for you. Every minute spent feeling like the world was ending would be worth it to hold you in my arms.

But my sweet little one… having you is so expensive. And we live in a country with heavily subsidised medical care. I can’t imagine what it would be like to have to pay tens of thousands in medical bills in order to give birth to you.

And after you’re born my precious, I will take the time off work. I need to in order to spend as much time as I can at home with you. But this takes savings. Paid maternity leave doesn’t last long and I cannot bear to miss this sweet time with you.

So my dear sweet child – just know this. We so desperately want you. We are saving so hard to have you. And one day, one day, you will be in our arms, perfect and sweet and everything we could ever imagine you to be. We love you so much already.

Love Always,

Your Mum.