Child Loss Faith Grief Inspiration

My Wish Tonight

Written by Missy Hillmer

 

Tonight reminded me of the nights we would lay on the ground, look up to that amazing night sky and search for the big dipper or our favorite constellations.  Just like many of those nights I saw a shooting star, so I made a wish.

I wished that you were back here right beside me staring at the sky and giggling.

But, I know it won’t come true because this is my life now. It’s real, you are gone and that is what makes the holiday especially hard. For me it helps to have the memories and it brings my heart joy when others ask or remind me of thing you did.

I know it’s been over 2 years since you left us. Some people think our life should be back to normal. Well, I hate to tell those people my life will never be back to normal. I know the pain and hurt will get less. I hope it will get easier to deal with my feelings and loss as time goes on. I never in a million years thought I would be on this journey of grieving the loss of my son. But that was probably because I was trying to take charge of my life which was not what God had planned.

 I know there are people who don’t believe things happen for reasons, especially bad things.

 However, I do!

I believe that God has a master plan and he molds us, teaches us and sometimes bad things happen to prepare us. I know it’s hard to believe in something when you can’t see them or talk to them. I know that is why many people don’t believe God is REAL.

Many times when something bad happens they go the opposite direction because their faith is not strong enough to believe in something they can’t see, yell at or talk to. But, actually you can yell and talk to God about all of your problems anytime of the day or night.

 The hardest part for me is just being quiet and listening to hear what he says.

It reminds me of the wind. You can’t see the wind, but you can see what it does. So just like God you can’t see him, but if you believe you can see what he does for us. 

I really lean on God this time of the year even more than other times. I know I can go to him when I feel down, depressed, especially when weather is yucky and when I’m missing Tyler. We started some new traditions at our own house throughout the year and especially at the holidays. We have candles on timers in different rooms that give the presents of Tyler. We had a silly string fight, ate at a restaurant that Tyler would of picked, and took a family picture with a little bit of Tyler in the picture. We do these things to make us feel that he is a part of our daily life and holidays. It helps to bring some happiness to a sad time and we will continue to do these things for the years to come.

It’s a good reminder that the holiday season is not always happy for everyone!  Some people don’t have a family to spend it with. Some people are overwhelmed with great sadness, hurt, lack of money and may have lost a loved one recently.  I would encourage you to look at people around you. How can you help make someone’s holiday a little better?  How about stopping by, sending a card, text or calling to tell them you are thinking of them.  Or what about making a meal, cookies, or having coffee with them.

I ask you to take time this holiday to just GIVE, of yourself with no intention to get anything back. I promise what you get back will be more rewarding than any gift you have ever gotten.  

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About the author

Missy Hillmer

My name is Missy Hillmer. I’m married, live in a small town named Palmer, NE and have 3 children. Jake is our oldest who is 19 years old and Gracie is 11 who lives here with us. Tyler which was 15 years on August 20, 2013 is now in Heaven. He was killed in a car accident just 3 short days after his 15th birthday.

I am very honest, very real sometimes to the point of not being fun, I guess that’s because I’m a black and white kind of girl. I like to look at the positive in every situation. I really believe there are two ways to look at things. Look for the bad or the good. The “bad” does me no justice and can spiral out of control in a heartbeat. The “good” however gives me hope and it connects with my belief that God is with me through everything.

I believe my faith has gotten me through life and especially since my son’s accident. I pray a lot more, watch for the signs that God gives me, listen to my inner gut feeling, as my husband calls it and really focus on living a simple life. Family means everything to me, I love to laugh and think it’s the best medicine for any problem. Music soothes my sole and being outside in the sun brings me great joy!

I have learned that many times you cannot control the storm in your life but, you can learn to dance in the rain. I really mean it when I say DANCE in the RAIN! The summer before Tyler’s accident, Tyler, Gracie & I danced in the rain. This memory I will never forget!

Since Tyler’s accident I am passionate about telling my story with the hope that it will help or inspire at least one person.

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