Humor Journal Style

Nordstrom Is Selling Fake-Mud Jeans for $425 Bucks And Moms Are Rolling Their Eyes

Written by Hannah Carpenter

Clothing trends are funny.  Remember when culottes were a thing? Or pleated skirts?  I used to love the long shirts tied to the side.  I was obsessed with jean overalls in 7th grade, complete with my shoulder baring bodysuit underneath.  Remember when all the boys tucked in their shirts, then it was dorky to tuck but the shirts were way too long and really needed to still be tucked?  Or stirrup pants? What about hammer pants? Or a few years ago when all the girls were wearing their Uggs with short shorts in summer time?  There are always trends coming and going, and some are worse than others… 

Today’s hot item: jeans with fake mud on them for $425 at Nordstrom.  Seriously?  Is this for real?  I have a few pairs of my son’s jeans that look exactly like this, waiting to be washed.  I will sell them to you for a steal, only $100.  Or, better yet, put on a pair of your own jeans and go jump in some mud.  Done.  I suppose this is a steal for some folks; those who would rather never get dirty, but still look like they’re hard working, laid back, not afraid to be dirty people.  

But for me?  I have a few things I’d much rather spend $425 on…

  1. I’d rather buy 19 packs of diapers (at $22 each), totaling 2,356 size 5 diapers, which will last me approximately one year.  A year of poop and pee…I’d rather have that.
  2. I’d rather buy groceries.  Milk, bread…life sustaining matter.  That amount of money would pay for over two weeks of food for my family of seven.
  3. I’d rather go on a two night Bahamas Cruise with my husband for $239 on Groupon. Never mind the kids, I’ll hire a nanny too!   Also, with this option I’d still have money left over to buy some jeans and jump in the mud with them on.  
  4. I’d rather buy 1,800 nerf gun bullets (at $7.00 per 30 pack) for my four boys. This would keep them busy for at least two days, and I could lay on the couch watching anything but Daniel Tiger…with their Easter candy.
  5. I’d rather buy 240 bottles of Mexican coke (at $40 per 24 pack).  Have y’all tried Mexican coke?  Life changing!
  6. I’d rather buy 85 Caramel Frappucinos.  That’s only 5,015 grams of sugar…the Unicorn would put you at 5,610.  A staggering savings of sugar intake!
  7. I’d rather hire a cleaning lady for 14 hours.  Surely she could get my whole house cleaned in that amount of time.  Even with those mud-drenched jeans my son dragged through the house.
  8. I’d rather pay for all my library overdue fines.  This would cover us for a whole year I bet.  Except for that lost xbox game, that may put us over the top. 
  9. I’d rather pay for laser hair removal. For $425 I could afford my upper lip and maybe even my chin.  My kids could never make fun of my mustache again!
  10.   Lastly…anything.  I would rather buy anything but crusty, muddy jeans.  

 

About the author

Hannah Carpenter

I am simply a crazy and stressed homeschool mom living in Ohio. I have five amazing kids and one incredible husband who still loves me after 15 years. Most importantly, I am a daughter of the King who is trying to honor Him everyday through my parenting, teaching, art and writing.