Five years into my marriage, I decided to switch careers yet again. I went from paralegal to executive assistant to homemaker; now it was time for loftier aims. I made the decision to become a professional wife. 

This “career change” might seem laughable, but growing myself into an exemplary wife is serious business for me. I don’t want to be an amateur spouse, known merely as the “other half” or “the kids’ mom.” I want to be more. Not to win a “Wife of the Year” award (although that would be pretty awesome), but rather to model, through mutual love and reverence, the kinds of feelings God has for His followers.

I chose to sign a contract with my man. I chose to make matrimony my path. Thus, I make it my job to pour heart and soul into ensuring that ours is a union the devil can’t divide and society can’t slander.

And since marriage is a lot like work, I’ve found the following expert strategies invaluable in advancing my climb up the corporate conjugal ladder:

Communicate with your spouse as if he/she were your employer. If you’ve ever had a job that mattered to you, chances are that you showed up to work with a smile, were courteous and always ready to lend a listening ear. If an issue arose that required supervisor attention, you probably used the necessary protocol to arrange a meeting time. In conversing with him/her, my guess is that you offered opinions in a respectful manner and didn’t interrupt, verbally attack, or go off on tangents. You likely put in a great deal of effort to communicate well with your supervisor and colleagues, even if you didn’t necessarily share common beliefs or even LIKE the person, because (1) you wanted to keep your job; and (2) you were compelled to demonstrate commendable conduct because that is simply what your faith, personal standards, or professional goals required. Most couples are aware that effective communication is crucial to a healthy marriage; but too often all our well-intended practices fall by the wayside when we’re in casual mode—you know: it’s “just the hubs” mode. Hungry Husband saunters in after a busy work day and greets Worn-out Wifey with “Isn’t dinner ready yet?” who responds with a snarky “I’m working on it!” as she thrusts a poopy baby into his arms. So. Not. Effective. Especially if a heart-to-heart talk or sweet nothings are what you were hoping for later that day. I’ve come to learn that connecting successfully with my spouse requires the same attention that I would give when communicating with a co-worker. Even when annoyed about something he did or said, I try to give my husband space and consideration; use good timing for special requests; and refrain from gabbing or nagging when he’s focused on something else. And I respect him like a boss.

Maintain Confidentiality.  Human resource departments exist to retain employee files and guard them under lock and key. How embarrassing (and potentially detrimental) would it be for one’s file contents—probation notes, performance reviews, complaints, medical records—to be leaked? How betrayed would you feel if your significant other spilled the beans about a personal struggle you shared or something he found unattractive about you? The ability to be discreet is an indispensable asset to employers and spouses alike. While companies have trade secrets, couples may trade secrets. Both are best kept under wraps.

A related issue is that of triangulation. Author Orrin Woodward defines this common workplace pitfall as “a vile process where people attempt to draw others into gossip from their unresolved conflict.” As a former manager, I have personally witnessed triangulation in the workplace; but it doesn’t just happen there. There is a boundary to be maintained between gab and gossip when discussing our marital relationship or partner with others, as well. One goal I have is to be the kind of wife in whom “the heart of her husband trusts” (Proverbs 31:11).

Contribute to a positive working environment (a.k.a. “home”: the place where relationships, productivity, and solidarity are always works in progress.) Studies show that the best-rated workplaces are those that allow plenty of opportunity for fun and ingenuity. So why not strive to make your shared space one that encourages a good balance of play, productivity, intimacy, and creativity? A few ideas: Display favorite pictures of you and your spouse in prominent places on the wall. Throw a big comfy bean bag in the living room to encourage spontaneous snuggles. Designate a journal to serve as the keeper of love notes to each other. Ugliness [I’m talking about attitudes here] and any material things that are time-sapping, stress-inducing, temptation-triggering, or simply pointless in owning all have a negative impact on the culture of your home. Focus instead on making your common living space a welcoming atmosphere filled with love, beauty, and vestiges of heart-felt moments. Fancy furniture not required.

Conduct a satisfaction survey. My husband’s employer recently requested that he complete a company satisfaction survey designed to convey his level of contentment in amount of responsibility, pay, work environment, etc. He confided to me his hesitation at filling it out truthfully because it wasn’t anonymous; but he did, and ultimately it led to a constructive conversation with his supervisor. This was the impetus that drove me to come up with a survey form of my own. I went all out and built a six-section survey using typeform.com with questions regarding love tank levels (see The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman), goals, communication, and growth/development which I then emailed to my hubby along with a request for completion and time to discuss. However, a short questionnaire that simply asks about overall marriage satisfaction would serve the purpose just as well. The point is to use it to launch an honest conversation with your spouse that gets you both on the same page and provides the opportunity to affirm positive trajectories in your relationship, or identify areas that could use some improvement.

Whether your marriage is winning or waning, perhaps viewing it through the lens of professionalism and applying the tactics above can bolster your team. It is one of the most important working partnerships we can have, after all, and well worth our time and investment.

For me, serving as chief confidante to my husband is my new happy place. What’s more, the pay is pretty darn good. The money I used to make working outside the home was meager compared to what I now earn. As a highly valued wife, I’ve received the raise of my dreams: a raise in shared joy, contentment in being loved, and in kisses—my currency of choice. Morale is high here at the home office, and I can truly say there’s no other place I’d rather be.

Author’s Note: Incorporating professional strategies into your relationship is no substitute for professional help. If any kind of verbal, physical or substance abuse is occurring, please do not delay in getting assistance.

So God Made a Mother book by Leslie Means

If you liked this, you'll love our book, SO GOD MADE A MOTHER available now!

Order Now

Check out our new Keepsake Companion Journal that pairs with our So God Made a Mother book!

Order Now
So God Made a Mother's Story Keepsake Journal

Leann Clarke

Leann Clarke is an outdoor-loving mama who enjoys riding horses, dancing, soaking in a good book, and hunting with her husband. She’s also mom to two active kiddos who excel at keeping her humble. She believes strongly in prayer, laughter, and eating chocolate for breakfast. Leann shares snippets of her life in Montana and more on her blog, The Hunting Mom.

 
 

Your Kids Don’t Need More Things, They Need More You

In: Faith, Kids, Motherhood
Mother and young girl smiling together at home

He reached for my hand and then looked up. His sweet smile and lingering gaze flooded my weary heart with much-needed peace. “Thank you for taking me to the library, Mommy! It’s like we’re on a date! I like it when it’s just the two of us.” We entered the library, hand in hand, and headed toward the LEGO table. As I began gathering books nearby, I was surprised to feel my son’s arms around me. He gave me a quick squeeze and a kiss with an “I love you, Mommy” before returning to his LEGO—three separate times. My typically...

Keep Reading

Mom, Will You Pray With Me?

In: Faith, Motherhood
Little girl praying, profile shot

“Will you pray with me?” This is a question I hear daily from my 9-year-old. Her worried heart at times grips her, making it difficult for her to fall asleep or nervous to try something new. Her first instinct is to pray with Mom. Perhaps this is because of how many times her Dad and I have told her that God is with her, that she is never alone, and that she can always come to Him in prayer and He will answer. Perhaps it is because she has seen her Dad and I lean on the Lord in times...

Keep Reading

My Aunt Is the Woman I Want to Become

In: Faith, Living
Woman with older woman smiling

It’s something she may not hear enough, but my aunt is truly amazing. Anyone who knows her recognizes her as one-of-a-kind in the best way possible. It’s not just her playful jokes that bring a smile to my face, her soul is genuinely the sweetest I know. I hope she knows that I see her, appreciate her, and acknowledge all the effort she puts in every day, wholeheartedly giving of herself to everyone around her. When I look back on my childhood, I see my aunt as a really important part of it. We have shared so much time together,...

Keep Reading

A Big Family Can Mean Big Feelings

In: Faith, Kids, Motherhood
Family with many kids holding hands on beach

I’m a mother of six. Some are biological, and some are adopted. I homeschool most of them. I’m a “trauma momma” with my own mental health struggles. My husband and I together are raising children who have their own mental illnesses and special needs. Not all of them, but many of them. I battle thoughts of anxiety and OCD daily. I exercise, eat decently, take meds and supplements, yet I still have to go to battle. The new year has started slow and steady. Our younger kids who are going to public school are doing great in their classes and...

Keep Reading

Motherhood Never Stops, and Neither Does My God

In: Faith, Motherhood
Daughter kisses mother on cheek

I’m standing in the shower rinsing the conditioner out of my hair with a toddler babbling at my feet, running through this week’s dinner menu in my head. “Hmm, this meal would be better suited for this day, so what should we do instead?” or “Maybe we should save that for next week since it’s easy and we will be busy with baseball starting back up. I can work something in that may take more effort in its place.” Being a wife and mother, running a household, it’s about the small moments like this. There’s something about it that is...

Keep Reading

So God Made a Sunday School Teacher

In: Faith, Living
Woman sitting at table surrounded by kids in Sunday school class, color photo

God looked around at all He had created, and He knew He would need someone to teach His children. So God made a Sunday school teacher. God knew He needed someone with a heart and desire to teach children God’s word. God knew the children would act up and made Sunday school teachers with patience and grace to guide them when they step out of line in class. He also made Sunday school teachers with a touch of discretion to know when the stories of a child may be real or imagined. God knew this person would need to be...

Keep Reading

But God, I Can’t Forgive That

In: Faith, Marriage
Woman holding arms and walking by water

Surrender is scary. Giving in feels like defeat. Even when I know it’s the right thing, yielding everything to God is scary. It also feels impossible. The weight of all I’m thinking and feeling is just so dang big and ugly. Do you know what I mean? Sometimes I cling so tightly to my fear I don’t even recognize it for what it is. Bondage. Oppression. Lack of trust. Oh, and then there’s that other thing—pride. Pride keeps me from seeing straight, and it twists all of my perceptions. It makes asking for help so difficult that I forget that...

Keep Reading

Dear Dad, I Pray for Our Healing

In: Faith, Grief, Grown Children
Back shot of woman on bench alone

You are on my mind today. But that’s not unusual. It’s crazy how after 13 years, it doesn’t feel that long since I last saw you. It’s also crazy that I spend far less time thinking about that final day and how awful it was and spend the majority of the time replaying the good memories from all the years before it. But even in the comfort of remembering, I know I made the right decision. Even now, 13 years later, the mix of happy times with the most confusing and painful moments leaves me grasping for answers I have...

Keep Reading

God Redeemed the Broken Parts of My Infertility Story

In: Faith, Grief, Loss, Motherhood
Two young children walking on a path near a pond, color photo

It was a Wednesday morning when I sat around a table with a group of mamas I had just recently met. My youngest daughter slept her morning nap in a carrier across my chest. Those of us in the group who held floppy babies swayed back and forth. The others had children in childcare or enrolled in preschool down the road. We were there to chat, learn, grow, and laugh. We were all mamas. But we were not all the same. I didn’t know one of the mom’s names, but I knew I wanted to get to know her because she...

Keep Reading

God Has You

In: Faith, Motherhood
Woman hugging herself while looking to the side

Holding tight to the cold, sterile rail of the narrow, rollaway ER bed, I hovered helplessly over my oldest daughter. My anxious eyes bounced from her now steadying breaths to the varying lines and tones of the monitor overhead. Audible reminders of her life that may have just been spared. For 14 years, we’d been told anaphylaxis was possible if she ingested peanuts. But it wasn’t until this recent late autumn evening we would experience the fear and frenzy of our apparent new reality. My frantic heart hadn’t stopped racing from the very moment she struggled to catch a breath....

Keep Reading