Child Loss Grief

Overcoming Our Struggles Due To Child Loss

Overcoming Our Struggles Due To Child Loss www.herviewfromhome.com
Written by Missy Hillmer

“I have given you authority to trample on snakes and scorpions and to overcome all the power of the enemy; nothing will harm you.” Luke 10:19

I am truly amazed every time I read scripture. God has written it all out for us. He has given us the power and authority to overcome all obstacles that we will face in our life. He has also told us it won’t be easy but with Him it will be possible. You can accomplish your goals, get through a loss, be happy, celebrate life alone or married. He has given us the ideas, plan, creativity, talent, partner, friend and support group to succeed. He has equipped us with strength and a full armor of God to overcome the devil and win our battles.

The battle’s God is talking about is our everyday tiny problems, but also the BIG struggles. Many times it’s the battles that our mind plays in our head after a loss. Mind games I call them. There are many kinds of losses like a divorce, loss of a pet, parent, grandparent or child. There are some very similar grieving issues you go through with a divorce just like a death. However, I am able to share what I have gone through with a loss of a child.

We lost our son Tyler in a car accident on August 23, 2013, 3 short days after he turned 15 years old. I remember the numbness that I felt as well as the sharp pain that I had in my chest as if my heart was breaking. For myself, I didn’t have negative or bad thoughts that played games in my head, I had the nonstop movie that replayed the night of the accident. My son’s accident happened just one mile from our house. My husband was one of the first people who found him. The things that play over and over in my head are images and sounds. I see my husband holding my lifeless son in his arms, the sight of the car and I remember hearing the sound of the ambulance siren in the distance. I also remember exactly the way the night felt, smelled, the full moon, the light breeze and the peaceful almost unreal feeling I had.

These are some of the mind struggles a person can have after a loss. Some are good and some are bad. The bad ones are the ones that consume our minds day and night, they keep us from being able to sleep and function. I was lucky I did not have ones that kept me from sleeping. However, mine would just play all day long. It will be 4 years in August and I can say they have become less. They do not consume my whole day and every waking thought. I’m not sure why my mind kept replaying it. It’s just like some people’s minds play the guilt game or what if game. My husband and I never did that. We were at peace with our decision letting Tyler leave that night. There was not one thing we could think of that we would have changed. However, our minds seem to search for the reasons or person to blame. It almost seems to want to control the uncontrollable. The only thing we know for sure is that God has a plan! He has already lined up the right people, in the right places, at the right times. He has created us with a beginning date and ending date already written down. He has reminded us he is always with us:

“Yet I am always with you; you hold me by my right hand. You guide me with your counsel, and afterward you will make me into glory.” Psalms 73:23-24

No matter what small everyday problems you have or big struggles you are going through he has given us the authority to overcome ALL THE POWER of the enemy! The best thing I have done is to overflow my mind with positive thoughts and scripture. They say that it takes two times the amount of positive thoughts or more to get rid of a negative thought. Speaking scripture out loud is the best way I have been told to rebuke the devil and empower our mind, body and soul. Rise up with your faith today and declare out loud that God has empowered you! He has given you authority to live a victorious life no matter what your struggles have been. Today is a new day!

About the author

Missy Hillmer

My name is Missy Hillmer. I’m married, live in a small town named Palmer, NE and have 3 children. Jake is our oldest who is 19 years old and Gracie is 11 who lives here with us. Tyler which was 15 years on August 20, 2013 is now in Heaven. He was killed in a car accident just 3 short days after his 15th birthday.

I am very honest, very real sometimes to the point of not being fun, I guess that’s because I’m a black and white kind of girl. I like to look at the positive in every situation. I really believe there are two ways to look at things. Look for the bad or the good. The “bad” does me no justice and can spiral out of control in a heartbeat. The “good” however gives me hope and it connects with my belief that God is with me through everything.

I believe my faith has gotten me through life and especially the last eighteen months since my son’s accident. I pray a lot more, watch for the signs that God gives me, listen to my inner gut feeling, as my husband calls it and really focus on living a simple life. Family means everything to me, I love to laugh and think it’s the best medicine for any problem. Music soothes my sole and being outside in the sun brings me great joy!

I have learned that many times you cannot control the storm in your life but, you can learn to dance in the rain. I really mean it when I say DANCE in the RAIN! The summer before Tyler’s accident, Tyler, Gracie & I danced in the rain. This memory I will never forget!

I am a photographer and owner of a direct selling company. Since Tyler’s accident I am passionate about telling my story with the hope that it will help or inspire at least one person.