Humor Journal

Shopping Lessons Only Target Can Teach

Shopping Lessons Only Target Can Teach www.herviewfromhome.com
Written by Leslie Means

My guy and I get along very well.  We’re lucky like that.  Marriage takes work and forgiveness and love.  Fortunately for us, our loads are light and our bickering is minimal.

Except when it comes to Target.  Yep, Target.

For men, Target is just another store.  For women, it’s a place to relax, smile, ponder life’s biggest challenges and meet new friends.  While we are browsing the aisles with our pumpkin spice latte in hand, we discover new linens and flavored syrups and laugh out loud greeting cards, stickers, cute fuzzy boots, the latest Martha Stewart magazine, a few outfits for our kids, seasonal pillows, brightly colored spatulas and maybe, if there’s time, a gallon of milk.  And toilet paper; we can’t forget the toilet paper; the main reason for each trip.

This doesn’t thrill my calm husband, especially when we’re on a budget. 

“Les,” he’ll say, “you cannot go to Target.” 

He’s cute.

Last Friday, my guy offered to go with me to Target.  He wanted to bring along the girls, too, for a Friday night adventure.  I wanted to go to Target to buy a fall wreath I saw on my last trip. 

You already know the ending, but I’ll continue just for smiles.

There are 5 types of shopping experiences at Target.  I’ll go ahead and explain them to you all, just in case you aren’t familiar.  Level 5 is the best, level 1 is the worst.  Here we go.

Level 5:  This is a solo Target trip with coffee and at least two hours to browse.  Bonus points if we find a sale or run into a really good friend. 

Level 4:  This is a solo Target trip with coffee and at least one hour to browse. 

Level 3:  This is a Target trip with one calm child, who remains seated in the cart at all times.

Level 2:  This is a Target trip with two fairly calm children.

Level 1:  This is a trip to Target with cranky kids.  But, at least we made it to the store and picked out a cute scarf, too. 

A Target trip with one budget friendly husband and two sugar filled children doesn’t make the list.    

By the time my family of 4 made it to the home décor department, I looked at my husband and so kindly uttered, “I wish, right now, at this moment, that you were my sister.”

I don’t recommend that.

Surprisingly, our trip wrapped up quickly after that one.  We ended the night with one Halloween costume, a few groceries and milk (of course).  During check-out, I panicked. 

“We didn’t get peanuts!” I said.  “The peanuts will go perfectly with our apples and caramel.  We need peanuts!”

My sister would have agreed.

“We have peanuts,” my guy responded. 

“No, we don’t have enough!  I have to go back!” I added.

Then, he looked at me with his cute blue eyes and said, “Fine.  Go get the peanuts.  But I’m checking out.”

I left the peanuts behind.

When we got home from our lovely Target adventure, I walked into the pantry, ready to prove my point and found… a full container of peanuts. 

What’s the lesson here?

A perfect wife would say her husband was right.  A perfect wife would say we should stick to a budget and avoid frivolous purchases like a really pretty fall wreath and an extra container of peanuts. 

But I’m not a perfect wife.

My lesson?  Go to Target alone, preferably with a two hour time frame and a nice cup of coffee.

Good thing my guy and I get along.  He’s used to me by now.  And just to keep things on the happy side, I won’t buy that gorgeous fall wreath.

Unless, of course, it goes on sale. 

 

Feature Image Courtesy:  Christy Margritz

 

About the author

Leslie Means

Leslie is the co-founder and owner of Her View From Home.com. She is also a former news anchor, published children’s book author, weekly columnist, and has several published short stories as well.

She is married to a very patient man. Together they have two pretty fantastic little girls ages 8 and 6 and one little dude born March 2017!

When she’s not sharing too much personal information online and in the newspaper – you’ll find Leslie somewhere in Nebraska hanging out with family and friends. There’s also a 75% chance at any given time, you’ll spot her in the aisles at Target.