Kids Motherhood

Six Things You Should Know About Having Grown Sons

Six Things You Should Know About Having Grown Sons www.herviewfromhome.com
Written by Marlene Fischer

I’ve read a lot about what it’s like to have little boys. As a mother of three sons I can attest to the fact that they are certainly interesting creatures and there is indeed much to say about them; how they love mud puddles and wreaking havoc. Their boundless energy and love of games and all things that involve balls. How snuggly they are. What it’s like to clean up after them, and feed them and love them and figure out how their brains work. But what happens after those little boys grow up? Since my sons are (mostly) grown now, here are six things I think you should know.

When your son grows up…

1—He won’t communicate more. Of course there are always some exceptions, however, most boys don’t feel the need to convey the trivialities of life and that will continue. There won’t be constant texts and calls from him. And when you do hear from your son, don’t expect him to tell you every detail of his life. However, once in a while, when you least expect it, he may share some specifics with you. Learn to expect short answers to your questions, like “fine” and “pretty good.” It’s up to you to fill in the blanks around those answers. For the most part go under the assumption that no news is good news.

2—He will still make a mess. When your young adult son comes home, despite the fact that he has been living on his own, his bed will still remain unmade, his aim in the bathroom will not have improved and you will still find dishes in the sink. Although annoying, you will be so happy to have him home again you will be more willing to deal with the disorder and untidiness. Because now you realize how temporary it is.

3—He will still enjoy games that involve balls. But now his love and passion for sports will have progressed to a new level. He won’t be just kicking a soccer ball in the backyard or throwing a basketball repeatedly into a plastic hoop while you marvel at his perseverance. He will watch sports on television. He will attend sporting events. He will read about sports. He will play sports. He will talk about sports with his friends. He will participate in fantasy leagues and spend time working on his draft picks and teams. He will actually have sports coursing through his veins. And that will not change.

4—He will still be cuddly. When your son is home he will appreciate a tuck in and a kiss good night as much as he did when he was a boy. And he will still be sweet. You will hear, “I love you, mom” in a voice, that although deeper, is as earnest as it was decades earlier. When my boys were little I always gave them a kiss after they got a haircut and told them how handsome they looked. To this day, if one of my sons gets a haircut when he is home, he will seek me out, point to his cheek and ask me for a “haircut kiss.” Young men are more sentimental than you may realize and the traditions you create with them will endure.

5—You will be able to count on him. Those little boys become men you can depend on when you need to. When my father died my older sons stepped up to the plate with chores and support in ways I could not have anticipated and I felt comforted by their presence and love. I sometimes ask them for advice and their opinions on a variety of subjects. Expect that your son’s shoulders will broaden, both literally and figuratively.

6—He will bring home someone else for you to love! My sons have brought home wonderful girls whose company I really enjoy. An added bonus is that the girlfriends are better communicators than my boys (please refer back to number 1) and provide details and information about loads of topics!

When I was a little girl I remember hearing the adage, “A son’s a son until he takes a wife, a daughter is a daughter all of her life.” Even back then I thought that was an odd saying and I felt sorry for the person who thought it up. Because it’s just not true. So feel free to cross that one off your long list of things to worry about. Both my father and brother were devoted sons their entire lives and I already see that quality in my boys as well. While I occasionally miss those little boys I once had dashing through the house, I am truly grateful that those boys have grown into fine men who make me proud in so many ways.

You May Also Like: 50 Questions To Ask Your Kids Instead Of Asking “How Was Your Day”

About the author

Marlene Fischer

Marlene Kern Fischer is a wife, mother of three sons, food shopper extraordinaire, blogger and college essay editor. She attended Brandeis University, from which she graduated cum laude with a degree in English Literature. In addition to Her View From Home, her work has been featured on CollegateParent, Grown and Flown, Kveller, The Erma Bombeck Writers’ Workshop, Beyond Your Blog, The SITS Girls, and MockMom. You can read more of Marlene’s work on her site here: https://marlenekfwordpresscom.wordpress.com/

  • Hope Curley Murphy

    Thanks for putting these truths into written words! Will be sharing your columns!

    • Marlene Fischer

      Thank you for reading and for your sweet comment!

  • Carol Da Valle Strange

    Thank you for writing this. I’m 28 weeks pregnant with my third son, and this article gave me so much comfort… because I wonder so often how it might be in the future.

    • Marlene Fischer

      I’m glad you feel comforted because… having three sons is wonderful! good luck!

  • msg60

    I’m writing this with tears in my eyes! I have an only boy and the saying of “A son’s a son until he takes a wife, a daughter is a daughter all of her life.” has always haunted me! I am very close to my son (he is college age now) and I really hope it continues into adulthood. Your post gives me hope!

    • Marlene Fischer

      It’s a silly adage– being close is not gender specific! The closeness you’ve fostered will remain.

  • I have one son; what no one tells you is the depth of love a son has for his mother. And this is never top of mind when they are just being boys. But my son has a heart of gold and a heart for others; this is not new I just love the more mature expression of this.

    • Marlene Fischer

      Yes — totally agree that boys really love their moms!

  • A Christensen

    This gives me hope. I have four boys and no girls. If my relationship with their future wives is anything like the one I have with my husband’s mother, I’ll never have girls to hang out with. (Believe me, I have tried. But after 13 years, you just realize some people will never be pleasant to be around.)

    • Marlene Fischer

      You probably have learned all the right and wrong things to do and will be a fabulous mother-in-law and remain close to your sons!

  • Julie Hoag

    I have three boys myself, the oldest is a new tee now. Loved your points and how the sweetness underlies their demeanor from childhood to manhood. Thanks!!!

    • Marlene Fischer

      Thank you Julie-yes, they just become bigger versions of those little boys we loved!!

  • So very true, all of it. The hardest thing for me is knowing when to text or call my sophomore in college…everyday or just random or wait for him.

    Have you heard about the book ” I Heart Mom” ? I’m one of the contributors with my story “Leaving Loved”. The other Mom stories are so good fit moms at different places in life.

    Thanks for your wisdom here on adult sons.

  • Claudia C

    Marlene, I can’t thank you enough for sharing these beautiful words. I have two sons, and have heard that adage from my mother, and always hated it because I feared it would be true. My love for my boys is so deep, I hope they still love and need me for different reasons as they grow.

    • Marlene Fischer

      Claudia– your boys will always love and need you. Having boys is different than having girls–but different doesn’t mean worse. You will always have a special bond with them.

  • Lisa C.

    I just read this and it filled me with so many emotions. I have a 23 year old son and love him so much and your article was like you wrote about him. Now I know this is normal. I thought I was doing something wrong. Thank you for sharing this, it made this mom feel more fulfilled.