Ok so I don’t know about your husband, but mine was ready to get it on the night we arrived home, with the baby in the bassinet next to us. “Um, no thanks.”

We are told to wait 6 weeks, and then we get this green light from our OB’s. A green light, like we are supposed to be raring to go. I will say, I was ready emotionally and mentally (at times), and boy was I turned on (at times). But I was NOT ready physically. And let’s be honest– I was tired. And I was scared to try! I’d just gotten through pushing a 7 pound baby through my vagina, so something the size of a penis going in shouldn’t be daunting. But it was! 

I’d torn– a second degree tear. My vagina was different. It looked different from where they’d stitched me up. It felt different. It was sensitive and painful just to sit at times. I was just getting back to pooping without fear. So yes, I was scared!

So we get the green light. My husband’s excited. I’m… nervous. We try. It’s painful. Even with my husband going slow, and stopping every 2 seconds to make sure I was ok. It was not comfortable. It felt like sandpaper grating at my vagina. Not exactly something I want done to me. The 4 month mark arrived. I was still not at it at 16 weeks. So, I mentioned it at my next visit to the OB.

I’m now pregnant with my second. My daughter is 2.5 and I’m having THE BEST SEX OF MY LIFE. So, not to fear ladies. You will get your mojo back, and it will be better than ever! 

Here are some tips, tricks, and advice I got along the way. I share this with you today, because this is one of those issues that doesn’t get talked about enough, and yet we all have to figure out– seemingly by ourselves. Inevitably, a mom in one of the mom’s groups on Facebook timidly types out her worries, her fears, the pain she felt, etc. And suddenly the tribe appears to help share their wisdom. Here’s that wisdom for you new mommies. And, I promise you will have good sex once again. Once again soon!

  1. LUBE
    This is by far the BEST advice I got, and it was from my doctor. Use lubrication. Water based, normal lube (nothing fancy). I had never used any sort of lube before, and felt a bit odd buying it at the store. But let me tell you– it worked. It reduced the pain 99%! 
  2. Use it or lose it
    This is the second piece of advice I got from my doctor. It seemed a bit harsh at first, but once I got going again, it made sense. There is going to be a period of time that sex isn’t quite what it used to be and may be slightly painful. If you power through, slowly, you will strengthen your muscles again, and it will be back to normal (or even better like in my case). There are ways to make it less painful (see numbers 1, 4, 5, and 6).
  3. Dress for success
    Let’s face it– with sore nipples, spit-up in our hair, and baby poop who knows where, we aren’t always in the mood. We are lacking sleep, and just not ourselves in the beginning. A little help with your favorite sexy outfit might just do the trick. Buy something new. Treat yourself to feeling sexy. 
  4. Set the mood
    Get your mind off of the baby. Have a date night in. Get out some wine, or make it some shots. It doesn’t matter. Make chocolate fondue and immerse yourself in your date night. Focus on your husband and enjoy yourself.
  5. Go slow
    Don’t go at it like rabbits. While maybe you used to love that, right now is the time for slow, soft and gentle. 
  6. Try new positions
    What used to feel great, might be too deep, or too different now. For some women they like to be on top so they can control what’s going on. For me that hurt too much. Try some different positions to see what is the most enjoyable in your post baby body.
  7. Communicate
    Above all else, talk to your husband. Tell him if something hurts, or if something feels good. Reassure him (he’ll need it, too). Tell him your fears, your desires, your frustrations and more. Talk as much as you can. The more he’s in the loop, the more he can help. And he wants to help. 

Whatever you do, don’t be ashamed of when you got back to having sex. Don’t compare  yourself to others that seem to jump back into bed week 1. Don’t think anything is abnormal. Talk to your husband, talk to your doctor, and be honest with yourself as well. Trust that your body will heal. I promise it will! 

So God Made a Mother book by Leslie Means

If you liked this, you'll love our book, SO GOD MADE A MOTHER available now!

Order Now

Check out our new Keepsake Companion Journal that pairs with our So God Made a Mother book!

Order Now
So God Made a Mother's Story Keepsake Journal

Her View From Home

Millions of mothers connected by love, friendship, family and faith. Join our growing community. 1,000+ writers strong. We pay too!   Find more information on how you can become a writer on Her View From Home at https://herviewfromhome.com/contact-us/write-for-her//

Children Don’t Get Easier, We Just Get Stronger

In: Inspiration, Mental Health, Motherhood
Children Don't Get Easier, We Just Get Stronger www.herviewfromhome.com

“This too shall pass.” As mothers, we cling to these words as we desperately hope to make it past whichever parenting stage currently holds us in its clutches. In the thick of newborn motherhood, through night wakings, constant nursing and finding our place in an unfamiliar world, we long for a future filled with more sleep and less crying. We can’t imagine any child or time being more difficult than right now. Then, a toddler bursts forth, a tornado of energy destroying everything in his wake. We hold our breath as he tests every possible limit and every inch of...

Keep Reading

The One Thing Young Kids Need to Know About Sex

In: Health, Kids, Motherhood
The One Thing Young Kids Need to Know About Sex www.herviewfromhome.com

I currently have four kids in elementary school from kindergarten to fifth grade. My kids have not experienced any sexual abuse (to my knowledge); we have been very careful about any potential porn exposure; we closely monitor their involvement with pop culture through music, movies, books, and even commercials. While we might seem to err on the side of overly sheltering them, what we have also done is be very open with our kids about sex. We have told them the truth when they’ve asked questions. And have they asked some questions! Here’s a sampling of what I’ve been asked...

Keep Reading

I Don’t Have Anxiety—But My Husband Does

In: Health, Mental Health, Relationships
I Don't Have Anxiety—But My Husband Does www.herviewfromhome.com

I don’t have anxiety but my husband does.  We should have realized this years ago but we missed it. The realization came suddenly and as soon as it popped in my mind, it came out of my mouth. “You have anxiety.” I said. He looked at me trying to determine if I was joking or serious. “I am serious, you have anxiety.” His eyes left mine and found his phone. He picked it up and said, “Hey Siri, give me the definition of anxiety.” As the virtual assistant read off the definition she may as well have been reading my man’s personality...

Keep Reading

This is What Life is Like For a Mom Who Wears Hearing Aids

In: Health, Journal, Motherhood
This is What Life is Like For a Mom Who Wears Hearing Aids www.herviewfromhome.com

I’ll never forget the time I was standing on a dock in the middle of a lake, casually draining my long hair of water, soaking in the summer heat surrounding me. Little did I know, my right breast had escaped the clutches of my bikini top; it must have popped out when I dove into the cool lake. But because I wasn’t wearing my hearing aids—I can’t wear those babies in the water—I couldn’t hear those back on land who were calling at me to shove it back in. So, there I stood, clueless of the fact that I was...

Keep Reading

Welcome to Periods in Your 30s and 40s

In: Health, Humor
Welcome to Periods in Your 30s and 40s www.herviewfromhome.com

Do you remember that day in the fifth grade when the boys and girls were separated for the “Sexuality and Development” talk? Some nice old lady health teacher came into your room and gave you some straight talk about how the next few years were going to go for you. It was awkward and shocking and you knew your childhood would never be the same. When you hit your mid-thirties, there should be some kind of Part Two to that conversation. All the ladies need to be rounded up, lead into a dimly lit classroom that smells vaguely of pencil...

Keep Reading

How Can You Love an Abusive Man? I Did—Until I Decided to Choose Myself.

In: Health, Journal, Relationships
How Can You Love an Abusive Man? I Did—Until I Decided to Choose Myself.

He walked over to the table I was sitting at with some friends and casually, yet confidently, pulled up a chair. His voice was deep and he had a luring accent that immediately caught my attention. His distinctly cut jawline along his perfectly trimmed beard made him seem older, I thought, than the age I’d soon learn he was. Our paths had crossed before like two ships in the night, forbidding us from ever quite meeting as we did that day . . . eye to eye, energy to energy He chatted with me and our mutual friends for a...

Keep Reading

I’m Not Sure How Long I’ll Need an Antidepressant to Feel Normal…and That’s OK

In: Cancer, Child Loss, Grief, Mental Health
I'm Not Sure How Long I'll Need an Antidepressant to Feel Normal...and That's OK www.herviewfromhome.com

I tried to wean off of Zoloft and couldn’t. And that’s OK. I had never really been aware of the world of antidepressants. My life has been relatively uneventful—with the normal ups and downs that most of us go through. I knew people on medication for depression but never understood. How can you be THAT sad that you can’t just be positive and make the best of your circumstances? How can someone be THAT unhappy ALL the time to need medication? I didn’t get it. I felt bad for people going through it. Then my 2-year-old was diagnosed with Stage...

Keep Reading

To the Mom With the Anxious Soul

In: Journal, Mental Health, Motherhood
To the Mom With the Anxious Soul www.herviewfromhome.com

I see you, mama. You’re the one sitting alone at the family party. You’re the one hovering a little too close to your sweet babies at the park. You’re the one standing in the bathroom at work for just a moment of quiet. Your thoughts are swirling constantly, faster and more fearful that a “regular” mama. You find yourself spaced out at times, and hyper aware at others. You’ve heard the words “just relax” and “everything is fine” more times than you care to count. Sometimes you wish you could make everyone understand why you are the way you are...

Keep Reading

I Am My Child’s Advocate—and Other Valuable Lessons a Stay in the PICU Taught Me

In: Baby, Child, Health
I Am My Child's Advocate—and Other Valuable Lessons a Stay in the PICU Taught Me www.herviewfromhome.com

What started out to be a normal Thursday ended with a race to the children’s ER with my six-month-old. I was terrified. My adrenaline was pumping. My baby was struggling to breathe. The day before, he had been diagnosed with RSV. A simple cold to most healthy toddlers and adults turned out to be life threatening to my infant.   Once we were admitted, I knew this was serious. I knew he was in danger. I could sense the concern and urgency in the doctor’s voice. I knew the gravity of that wing of the hospital he was being wheeled...

Keep Reading

To the Young Warriors Fighting Cancer, You Are Superheroes

In: Cancer, Child, Child Loss, Health
To the Young Warriors Fighting Cancer, You Are Superheroes www.herviewfromhome.com

Most people never get to meet their heroes. I have, in fact—I have met many heroes. These heroes didn’t set out for greatness; they fell victim to a terrible disease and faced it with courage, might and bravery like I have never seen before. And when we talk about this type of battle, there is no such thing as losing. whether the battle ended in death, life, or debility, each of these heroes defeated. My heroes are the innocent children who battle cancer. I high-fived, hugged, wept over, laughed and played with my heroes for 10 years as a nurse. And you better believe I...

Keep Reading