The Chore Wars & How It’s Done In Her Home

16 Oct, 2012

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Each week, Jen, Leslie and I like to discuss topics that are relevant to us as women and hopefully it resonates with you as well. We want to hear from YOU too!!! The topic this week: Do you and your spouse split all household chores and responsibilities or do you as the woman take care of all responsibilities in the home? You can check out The Chore Wars article.

 

***Heather’s View***

Chores? Blah! But they have to get done, otherwise our homes would look like a version of the show “Hoarders.”  When my husband and I got married, we had very different expectations which we never communicated to each other. But keep in mind I wen were still teenagers, young and well…not the brightest crayons in the box :-) In his family, his mom took care of all the household responsibilities, including doing his laundry until the day he moved out. His mother would cook, wash floors, vacuum and do the dishes. Chris’ dad would do the typical if not traditional manly chores, take out the garbage, fix stuff, and keep the fire burning in their fireplace.

My parents divorced when I was 12, not only did I take on the responsibilities of helping my mom with my siblings, I also went to school and worked part-time. In our family–everyone pitched in,  no chore was off-limits according to gender, if it needed done, we did it.

The chore wars started when my husband assumed I would cook, clean, while being barefoot and pregnant and in the kitchen. For a young 19-year-old man from Wyoming, who could blame him? Finally, one afternoon after Chris discovered I had scrubbed the toilet and the floor with his toothbrush and his cousin’s toothbrush, (I couldn’t figure out who wasn’t aiming or leaving the seat down and neither heeded my warnings). After the gruesome discovery  we hashed it out, defining chores and household responsibilities between the two of us.

Now days even though I work from home, my husband and I do the chores together. If anything, he is better at most than I am. He cooks supper because it’s a de-stressor and secretly he has always wanted to be a chef. As for the rest of our chores we do them together, grocery shopping, dishes, changing diapers, mopping, taking out garbage….except the laundry. He is NOT allowed to touch the laundry. 

 

**Leslie’s View**

Ha!  Heather’s thoughts made me smile.  Did she really scrub the toilet with his toothbrush?  

EEWWW!

I grew up in a home where both my mother and father worked.  Dad as a farmer, mom as a nurse.  She didn’t work full-time outside of the home until I was 2.  Thus, my older sister’s and I have a different upbringing.  

My dad didn’t really clean the house or cook much and I’m pretty sure he’s only cleaned a toilet a few times.  No offense, Dad.  :)  However, mom now has him trained.  I know he helps out around the house even doing laundry.  You can’t blame my dad for not cleaning much.  It was a different time; a different era.

My sister Lindsay and I helped out with most all of the chores (inside the house – and outside) although Linds did most of the cooking on days when mom was gone.  I started doing laundry at a very young age.  It’s probably why I really hate to clean/do laundry to this day.

Luckily for me, my husband knows how to clean.  His parent’s divorced when he was fairly young, so he had to help out around the house.  

I am very thankful his mom taught him such a valuable tool.  

Honestly, if we didn’t both clean the house, get groceries, handle bath/bed time for kids, it wouldn’t work.  We both work outside of the home and in today’s world it just takes two.  He’s a great cook, folds all the laundry and will scrub the floors as well.

Funny, though.  He won’t touch those toilets either.  And the showers?  Well, neither of us clean those so they just stay dirty.  

**Jen’s View**

Did you know that couples who split the chores are more likely to split up?

No?

This study says so!  

Divorce is just around the corner…. (insert scary music: ba..ba…baaaa)

But wait!  Even this study said it isn’t the chores that split the couples.  It is more ‘modern view’ of a marriage.  aka – couples who split chores are more likely to consider divorce.

My husband and I don’t.   I mean we don’t consider divorce.  We get fighting mad at each other. We have arguments.  But divorce – nope.

When this study came out it got me thinking…

“How do we split the chores?  Hmmmm….”  I hadn’t really considered the thought.

If I start adding things up, I guess I typically cook M-F.  My hubby takes the weekend shift.  (He loves his grill and smoker.)  But that’s not set in stone….

I do the laundry – typically.  He mows or snow blows – depending on the season.

Hmmm… I just guess we don’t keep score.

If something needs to be done, we do it.  Ours is not the cleanest house on the block.  But we work it out.

And even that divorce study says we’re gonna be okay:

““In a good relationship people simply don’t know who does what and don’t particularly care. “Unless marriage is a relationship above anything else, then whenever there are tensions or contradictions things come to a head. You have less capacity to forgive and absorb the bad stuff.”

–Dr Frank Furedi, Sociology professor at the University of Canterbury  (The guy who did that chores/divorce study)

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1 Comment

  1. Ann Snider
    October 16, 2012

    Great insights Ladies! During our marriage we have had different roles at different times. We have been students; worked full-time; worked part-time; both working; both home….so it has just depended on the needs at the time. We kind of have the unwritten rule that I take care of the inside and he takes care of the outside…but with that said…We share the chores. I am hope everyday to do the “afterschool” routine but he sometimes has to step in and do that. It just depends.

    What has worked is having a large family calendar and a planning meeting each Sunday evening. I write up the menu of the week as well as put it on the fridge. We know what each other are doing.

    i say you have to do what works! And saying “thank you” and not keeping score really help too!

    Reply ↓

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