Kids Motherhood

This Is Hard

This Is Hard www.herviewfromhome.com
Written by Leslie Means

I’m not a brand new mama – I’ve done this before. This baby will be easy – he’s my third child after all.

Life will go on as normal.

But it has been over 6 years since I’ve done the baby thing.

6 years.

Enough time for sleep and rest and routine to become normal.

Right now is anything but normal.

I’m 5 days postpartum and I must admit – this is hard.

I wasn’t expecting a spinal headache from the epidural (that I also didn’t plan to get).

I wasn’t expecting a “blood patch” to be out of the question to fix said spinal headache – because my platelets would be too low.

I wasn’t expecting the anesthesiologist to say, “You’ll probably be laying down for the next 7 days. Good luck.”

Laying down. With a new baby. And two other kids who need to see normal routine.

This is hard.

I wasn’t expecting the cold I had for nearly two weeks to stick around and pass onto my husband – who feels worse than he has in years.

I wasn’t expecting my girls to also pick up that cold.

I wasn’t expecting to be terrified that every single one of us and all of our visitors would pass this cold onto our new baby.

This is hard.

I knew it would take time for my body to bounce back. I expected that. I’ve been here before, after all.

But I forgot. I forgot how humbling it is to try to find a pair of pants that fit well enough to get me to my baby’s first doc appointment.

I forgot how pregnant I still look, even when I so badly want to be back to my pre-pregnant body.

I forgot how badly nursing hurts and that with every latch, my toes curl and I catch my breath.

I forgot how disgusting it feels to sit in my own filth of blood, and breast milk and (let’s be real, folks) urine. Am I peeing my pants right now? It’s possible.

This is hard.

I glanced at myself last night in the mirror. It was nearly 3:00 a.m. I didn’t recognize the reflection. This woman looked exhausted. And scared. And perhaps someone I’d met before, but couldn’t recall. Her hair was stringy, her face was puffy, she smelled a little (a lot) and she looked like she hadn’t slept in days. But there was something in her eyes and in her arms that reassured me all would be OK.

The look in her eyes was a love deeper than she’s ever known.

And the baby in her arms was the reason for it.

Yes, oh yes – this is so hard. But – this is so worth it.

For all the “new” mamas, with love. ~leslie

 

About the author

Leslie Means

Leslie is the co-founder and owner of Her View From Home.com. She is also a former news anchor, published children’s book author, weekly columnist, and has several published short stories as well.

She is married to a very patient man. Together they have two pretty fantastic little girls ages 8 and 6 and one little dude born March 2017!

When she’s not sharing too much personal information online and in the newspaper – you’ll find Leslie somewhere in Nebraska hanging out with family and friends. There’s also a 75% chance at any given time, you’ll spot her in the aisles at Target.

  • Sara Ohlin

    Thinking about you lady! I would be flat out exhausted. Gosh, you wrote about this all so honestly and beautifully. Hang in there!!!

  • Oh, sweet, Leslie … posts like this will help others to feel okay with the fact that having a newborn is not all bliss. Motherhood does equal a beautiful mess. In the days and weeks and months to come, you can read this and remember how life does continue to move on. Blessings to your family of five.

  • sosomom

    Things not going as expected is the hardest thing in life, I’ve decided. I had the same thoughts on my #3 and it was by far the hardest time of motherhood. The first blog post I ever wrote was about this. I hope it helps. http://sosomom.com/blog/they-grow-so-fast

  • You’re amazing. That’s all. You’re just amazing.

  • Britt LeBoeuf

    I am right here with you lady! My second was born January 10th. My oldest is 4. I had forgotten how much work it was too! We are just starting to get a new normal routine down with two, I can’t imagine 3! I’m one of 3 kids, I honestly don’t know how my parents did it. lol. Just know you are not alone! Thank you for writing this. It really hits home to my life right now!

  • aninchofgray

    Sending you love. Just made it through 11 months of babyhood after a fifteen year gap. I hear you and see you, Mama. Hang in there, Beautiful!