Child Loss Faith Grief Inspiration

Was My Son Scared When He Died?

Was My Son Scared When He Died? www.herviewfromhome.com
Written by Missy Hillmer

Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them…

It is so easy to be scared. I remember thinking back to when I lost my son Tyler. Wondering what death was like? What was he thinking on the drive home? I’m sure they were listening to music, laughing, and having fun as teenage boys do. But then my mind wondered did he feel pain or did he know it was his time to go when he left the house that night?  Or most of all was he scared because I was not there.

As a parent we are always there to help, comfort, and console our children when something bad or scary happens. But I was not there with him when the accident happened. I was only there to see him laying lifeless in my husband’s arms. I could not pick up the pieces and put them back together. The only thing at that moment I remember thinking was that he was safe…he was with God. He no longer felt the pain if there was any, he was no longer scared and that he would be able to continue being the happy, fun, positive, blue eyed boy that I remember leaving the house that night.

It is amazing how God works. He placed things in our path that we don’t even realize, but when we look back it was there the whole time. As I mentioned my biggest worry was that Tyler was scared that I was not there with him. But little did I know that God would put a friend’s son back in our life in May of that year. He was the messenger that God sent me.

Just a few days after the accident when we were gone making plans for the funeral, our friend’s son stopped and dropped off a note for me. On that piece of paper was the answer to my question: Was Tyler scared? He told me that when a good person is in their last moments of their life they replay a movie of all the people in their life that they love and care about.  If you have a lot of people around you that love you, then your movie will last a lot longer in your last moments. He went on to say that every time Tyler was happy or laughed, he made that bad day better.

It hits all during the last moments of your life which remind you your life was all worth living.

I believe God wanted me to know that Tyler was not scared and that all his loved ones were there with him at his last moments. …for the Lord your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you.” Deuteronomy 31: 6

I would like to think he was happy, laughing and having fun as God took him home. The reason I say that is because God reminded me as we looked at Tyler’s confirmation verse,

“Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the Lord your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you.” Deuteronomy 31:6

No, Tyler was not alone. God was with him the whole time. So there is no doubt in my mind that Tyler was not sad or scared, but happy, strong and courageous. God promises so many things. We just fail to be in the moment to see them. Just like me I never even thought twice about the confirmation verse he was given until it was too late.

About the author

Missy Hillmer

My name is Missy Hillmer. I’m married, live in a small town named Palmer, NE and have 3 children. Jake is our oldest who is 19 years old and Gracie is 11 who lives here with us. Tyler which was 15 years on August 20, 2013 is now in Heaven. He was killed in a car accident just 3 short days after his 15th birthday.

I am very honest, very real sometimes to the point of not being fun, I guess that’s because I’m a black and white kind of girl. I like to look at the positive in every situation. I really believe there are two ways to look at things. Look for the bad or the good. The “bad” does me no justice and can spiral out of control in a heartbeat. The “good” however gives me hope and it connects with my belief that God is with me through everything.

I believe my faith has gotten me through life and especially the last eighteen months since my son’s accident. I pray a lot more, watch for the signs that God gives me, listen to my inner gut feeling, as my husband calls it and really focus on living a simple life. Family means everything to me, I love to laugh and think it’s the best medicine for any problem. Music soothes my sole and being outside in the sun brings me great joy!

I have learned that many times you cannot control the storm in your life but, you can learn to dance in the rain. I really mean it when I say DANCE in the RAIN! The summer before Tyler’s accident, Tyler, Gracie & I danced in the rain. This memory I will never forget!

I am a photographer and owner of a direct selling company. Since Tyler’s accident I am passionate about telling my story with the hope that it will help or inspire at least one person.

  • Kathy at kissing the frog

    Missy, I’m so glad you wrote this and thought about this. I was with my son when he died – I guess I was “lucky” in that way. I truly do think God sends the angels for our loved ones. My Joey was at peace, and I’m sure your son was, too. xoxo

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