Journal Relationships

What Good Wives Don’t Say

What Good Wives Don't Say www.herviewfromhome.com
Written by Brittany Dyer

I think many women get so comfortable with our husbands, that we think we can talk to them about anything and say just about anything to them, but sometimes it is not always such a good thing. Do not misunderstand what I am trying to say; I think there is a time to talk about everything, but there are also times when saying EVERYTHING can be more hurtful than helpful. I also think the words we choose determine how what we are saying is perceived. I also know that biting your tongue can be a difficult task to accomplish. I know because I am a “get it all out in the open” type of gal.

Home is a safe place, so we need to make sure we properly safeguard our words at home, so we do not end up feeling like home is not a safety zone for us and our husbands. We definitely do not want our homes to feel like a war zone or a place of discomfort. Let’s choose to eliminate some of those uncomfortable feelings from our homes by electing not to say these phrases our husbands:

 

“I’m fine.”

I am the world’s worst at saying this statement. I am usually not “fine,” so even uttering those words are useless! I know if I do not ever tell him what the problem is, then he will never know to change the action to keep from hurting me again in the future. Instead of shutting myself down and refusing to address the situation, I need be upfront about why I am angry and work toward finding a solution.

 

“You don’t understand.”

We all know by now, men and women do not have the same thought processes, so chances are he really does not fathom what in the world I am talking about, but, also, sometimes he may understand more than I give him credit! However, if I believe he does not get where I am coming from, I know I have to explain it to him. I realize it will help our relationship thrive in the long run.

 

“You never…”

This one I do not really tend to do very often, but I know many ladies out there say this one. “Never” is never really true, is it? Men may not want to admit it, but they are sensitive, so coming at him with such a harsh remark like this one, will either shut him down or cause him to lash back, and, ultimately, neither of those responses are how we want them to respond. We need to tell him how we feel rather than getting in his face and putting him down about it.

 

“Don’t touch me.”

By nature guys are wired to be touched, so hearing his wife say this phrase can be disheartening. Telling our spouse not to touch us builds walls in our relationships. We should be more specific in the reason we do not want to be touched. Otherwise, he may take it as a blanket statement to never touch us again.

 

“If you really loved me, you would…”

Again, this is one that I consciously choose not to use, but I know there are women out there that use this expression. Let me tell you, your man loves you and no stipulation you put on him will make him love you any more. In fact, harsh stipulations put more strain on a marriage than they will ever help it. If you really believe your spouse does not love you, then you have a bigger problem than the current argument. Comments like this one are rarely valid and should be avoided at all cost. Realize your spouse loves you despite this argument and tell him how you feel in this particular instance instead of giving him an ultimatum.

 

About the author

Brittany Dyer

Brittany is a counselor turned missionary living in Bangkok, Thailand. She married her high school sweetheart and now has 2 beautiful children with him. She loves to travel, bake, eat ice cream and have dance parties with her kiddos! Follow her blog at www.followthedyers.com