Humor Kids Motherhood

What no one told me about birth.

What no one told me about birth. www.herviewfromhome.com
Written by Eva Creel

My baby shower was epic. There was laser tag and popcorn cake. My friends spoiled me with useful gifts and shared their birthing stories. I felt so prepared. I had my hospital bag packed and was ready to do this. 

The evening of November 4th my water broke. I was calm and knew my plan was to labor at home until my contractions were four minutes apart. I had been told that it could take a long time.

Ya, well, it didn’t.  

My contractions kicked in within that hour and very quickly reached the four minute marker.  We headed to the hospital at three minutes apart, then two, one minute – while lasting for one minute – came soon after. I had no break and no rest between contractions. I hoped it was a sign that this would be a fast labor.

Ya, well, it wasn’t.

15 hours of brutal labor, a failed epidural and several failed attempts to fix it and bad news. I would need surgery. The doctor said we have a stargazer who lost his way. A very romantic way of saying my little guy was face up and stuck. His head was swelling and he was under too much stress. I allowed myself a good cry. I never wanted to quit not even after 15 hours, but this battle was not just about me so I agreed to the emergency c-section. 

November 5, 11:45 a.m., little Dylan Stanley Creel, well not so little, 8lbs 2oz, was delivered. It turned out I had a few more hours of surgery to go through. I had surprises in my belly, a nice big cyst and two endometriosis growths.  As I lay in recovery, grateful that I was pain free and already apprehensive about how long my anesthesia would last, I thought, well I did it and I survived. 

Fast forward two days. This is the part I wish someone would have told me about.

OMG I’m going to die! Call a Nurse! I can’t do this! 

Sitting on the toilet, soaked in sweat, shaking, and in agony, I have my husband call for a nurse because I am afraid to poop. I’m afraid my butt will rip, my stitches will explode and I am going to bleed to death internally. No joke. It was that bad. The nurse tried to convince me that I’m lucky, that most women can’t poop for four or five days.  Most women? So this happens to most women? Why oh why do they not tell you this? The constipation lasts for weeks ladies. W.E.E.K.S. 

They say pack shower shoes in your hospital bag.  What they really should be saying is pack prunes. You’re gonna need em’ dear. They are soft, sweet little life savers. What should every mother be getting at her baby shower?

PRUNES.

Especially from friends that have been there and done that. Why was that not one of the stories? Why won’t anyone tell the poopy truth? Well, the secret is out now and you damn well better bet, every baby shower I go to from now on will be gifted a pack of diapers and a pack of prunes. 

About the author

Eva Creel

I grew up in Montana and currently reside in Germany with my husband, sons and Lola my pug. I love telling stories with my photography; sometimes I just take photos because I think something’s pretty.