What’s Sex Got to Do With It?

04 May, 2013

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Written by Seanne Larson Emerton, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist

What’s Sex Got to Do With It?

Everything!

Although there are many variables that influence a satisfying, engaging sex life in a marriage, it’s important to prioritize a pattern of regular “good enough” sexual encounters because sex is your “intimacy blender” (read more about it in Dr. Barry McCarthy’s book, Enduring Desire). Sex in your marriage energizes your bond and reinforces feelings of desire and desirability.

However, sex can get complicated quickly in a relationship. Different life stages and life stressors bring vulnerabilities to the sexual relationship. The ability to adapt and keep a sexual relationship prioritized is key for overall marital satisfaction. Yet it’s common to get caught up in power struggles regarding sex. I sometimes see couples in my office who haven’t had sex in months. Others use sex as a weapon.

What can help?

Often, for both men and women, emotional needs in the marriage need tended in order for sexual desire to kick in. Common emotional needs, in no particular order, are:

• Affection
• Conversation
• Recreational Companionship
• Honesty and Openness
• An Attractive Spouse
• Financial Support
• Domestic Support
• Family Commitment
• Admiration
• Sexual Fulfillment

What are your top 5 needs?

What do you think your spouse’s top 5 needs are?

Be intentional about making “heart deposits” in your spouse’s top 5 and watch the ripple effect.

Keep eroticism in your marriage and carve out time for your sexual relationship. Make it a habit.

Having emotional needs met, including sexual pleasure, is really the glue of intimacy and a gift to the health of your relationship.

(Feature Photo source)

First posted September 26, 2012

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