“You’re blessed when you get your inside world—your mind and heart—put right. Then you can see God in the outside world.” Matthew 5:8 (MSG)

Phew. Thank goodness when I became a mom I had all my shitake together!

My baggage was neatly unpacked and I greeted my first born son with a deer in the Friday Night Lights mentality: clear eyes, full heart, can’t lose.

Yeah right.

Truth be told, my inside world was a tangled mess when motherhood found me. My heart and mind needed more cleanups than a toddler in her glory. Just when I thought I’d swept out the last crumb, a new age or stage would present new messes and reasons to 409 the inner me.

Our mom hearts overflow with love of course. But not everything stemming from the heart is pure gold. Anger, impatience, selfishness, neediness, fear, anxiety, insecurity bubbled up and out of my ticker – all fruits of a broken spirit.

My mind also needed a thorough disinfecting. The germs of worry, despair, low self-worth, and shame festered – byproducts of toxic childhood experiences.

Raising kids has a way of stirring the pot of cellular unrest. Learning to see and acknowledge the clutter inside us takes hard work. Which is why God invented S.O.S. pads I guess. Clever guy.

And his cleverness goes toe-to-toe with the wisdom instilled in his son. Jesus tells us, “You’re blessed when you get your inside world—your mind and heart—put right.”

Sounds wonderful on paper. Problem lies in the execution. Our mom world ticks and tocks at blazing speed. How are we to find time to scour our spirit when running around like chickens missing a body part?

Becoming a mom changes us deeply. Our core comes into the light, revealing emotions and reactions we never saw coming. The transformation can be positive or negative.

In my case, what I learned about myself weighed heavier on the scale of for the worse. Turns out I (had) have a big ego needing a thorough wash-up. Sacks of garbage in my heart formed walls preventing abundant love to flow from and towards my family.

One such bag of waste accumulated after foregoing my career as a professional at a Big 6 accounting firm. Walking away felt amazing at first because leaving my kids with a full-time caregiver tore me up at night. Transitioning to a smaller company and working part-time created precious time with my kids during the week. After my second son was born, my company allowed me to work from home. While being around the kids everyday was a blessing, trying to find quiet time to actually do the work was a challenge.

When number three came along, daughter, I hung up the accounting pen and paper for good and became a full-time stay at home mom. God graciously provided all we needed.

At some point, the honeymoon of staying home wore off. The little foxes of insecurity and low self-worth crept into my heart. Questions like, “What is a smart woman like you staying home?” festered in my psyche.

Every time I’d hear the inevitable, “So, what do you do?” my neck muscles would tighten. An energetic, “Well, I used to be an accountant at Arthur Andersen…” always preceded a subdued, “…and now I stay home with the kids.”

Sounds shallow and pathetic on paper, but I’m daring to be honest. Please don’t get me wrong. I loved my kids with every fiber, but a piece of my heart felt lost, empty, unappreciated. My value in the world was secretly tethered to outside perceptions of my abilities.

The drudgery of endless housework washed away the prestige of working in corporate America. And webs of guilt and shame entangled my emotions every time I imagined the grass being greener on the other side of my stay at home role. 

My heart and mind needed a makeover and God delivered. He didn’t speak to me through burning bushes or dirty diapers, but used beautiful, Godly friends to transform my heart.

One of my girlfriends was a self-assured stay at home mom. She showed me with actions and encouraged me with words the high calling and beautiful vocation of motherhood. She reminded me my worth and confidence comes from knowing who I am in Christ – a beloved daughter deemed worthy to be a mom.

My mindset changed from I need to be out in the world using my brain to there is no greater gift than staying home with my children. Once I convinced my brain that my intelligence as an accountant paled in comparison to my ability to love and provide as a parent, my heart transformed.

The truth is, we can’t take a career to Heaven. But we can take a healthy heart and leave a joyful footprint behind. Staying home is the greatest choice I ever made – for me. I have the utmost respect for those who manage a career and raise amazing kids – the best choice for them.

Getting right in my heart and mind opened my eyes to the outside world. And Jesus tells us the clearing out actually fills us up because, “Then you can see God in the outside world.”

A blessing much needed in our world today, help us, Jesus…

Read more from Shelby at all of her Beatitudes for Parents below:

The Reward Of Caring – (5th mantra)

Emotional Eating Vs. Spiritual Snacking – (4th mantra)

The Importance of Self Love in Mothering – (3rd mantra)

Why Emotional Losses Mean Motherhood Gain – (2nd mantra)

To The Mom Who Is At The End Of Her Rope – (1st mantra)

 

So God Made a Mother book by Leslie Means

If you liked this, you'll love our book, SO GOD MADE A MOTHER available now!

Order Now

Check out our new Keepsake Companion Journal that pairs with our So God Made a Mother book!

Order Now
So God Made a Mother's Story Keepsake Journal

Shelby Spear

A self-described sappy soul whisperer, sarcasm aficionado, and love enthusiast, Shelby is a mom of 3 Millennials writing about motherhood and life from her empty nest. She is the co-author of the book, How Are You Feeling, Momma? (You don't need to say, "I'm fine.") , and you can find her stories in print at Guideposts, around the web at sites like Her View From Home, For Every Mom, Parenting Teens & Tweens and on her blog shelbyspear.com.

Your Kids Don’t Need More Things, They Need More You

In: Faith, Kids, Motherhood
Mother and young girl smiling together at home

He reached for my hand and then looked up. His sweet smile and lingering gaze flooded my weary heart with much-needed peace. “Thank you for taking me to the library, Mommy! It’s like we’re on a date! I like it when it’s just the two of us.” We entered the library, hand in hand, and headed toward the LEGO table. As I began gathering books nearby, I was surprised to feel my son’s arms around me. He gave me a quick squeeze and a kiss with an “I love you, Mommy” before returning to his LEGO—three separate times. My typically...

Keep Reading

Mom, Will You Pray With Me?

In: Faith, Motherhood
Little girl praying, profile shot

“Will you pray with me?” This is a question I hear daily from my 9-year-old. Her worried heart at times grips her, making it difficult for her to fall asleep or nervous to try something new. Her first instinct is to pray with Mom. Perhaps this is because of how many times her Dad and I have told her that God is with her, that she is never alone, and that she can always come to Him in prayer and He will answer. Perhaps it is because she has seen her Dad and I lean on the Lord in times...

Keep Reading

My Aunt Is the Woman I Want to Become

In: Faith, Living
Woman with older woman smiling

It’s something she may not hear enough, but my aunt is truly amazing. Anyone who knows her recognizes her as one-of-a-kind in the best way possible. It’s not just her playful jokes that bring a smile to my face, her soul is genuinely the sweetest I know. I hope she knows that I see her, appreciate her, and acknowledge all the effort she puts in every day, wholeheartedly giving of herself to everyone around her. When I look back on my childhood, I see my aunt as a really important part of it. We have shared so much time together,...

Keep Reading

A Big Family Can Mean Big Feelings

In: Faith, Kids, Motherhood
Family with many kids holding hands on beach

I’m a mother of six. Some are biological, and some are adopted. I homeschool most of them. I’m a “trauma momma” with my own mental health struggles. My husband and I together are raising children who have their own mental illnesses and special needs. Not all of them, but many of them. I battle thoughts of anxiety and OCD daily. I exercise, eat decently, take meds and supplements, yet I still have to go to battle. The new year has started slow and steady. Our younger kids who are going to public school are doing great in their classes and...

Keep Reading

Motherhood Never Stops, and Neither Does My God

In: Faith, Motherhood
Daughter kisses mother on cheek

I’m standing in the shower rinsing the conditioner out of my hair with a toddler babbling at my feet, running through this week’s dinner menu in my head. “Hmm, this meal would be better suited for this day, so what should we do instead?” or “Maybe we should save that for next week since it’s easy and we will be busy with baseball starting back up. I can work something in that may take more effort in its place.” Being a wife and mother, running a household, it’s about the small moments like this. There’s something about it that is...

Keep Reading

So God Made a Sunday School Teacher

In: Faith, Living
Woman sitting at table surrounded by kids in Sunday school class, color photo

God looked around at all He had created, and He knew He would need someone to teach His children. So God made a Sunday school teacher. God knew He needed someone with a heart and desire to teach children God’s word. God knew the children would act up and made Sunday school teachers with patience and grace to guide them when they step out of line in class. He also made Sunday school teachers with a touch of discretion to know when the stories of a child may be real or imagined. God knew this person would need to be...

Keep Reading

But God, I Can’t Forgive That

In: Faith, Marriage
Woman holding arms and walking by water

Surrender is scary. Giving in feels like defeat. Even when I know it’s the right thing, yielding everything to God is scary. It also feels impossible. The weight of all I’m thinking and feeling is just so dang big and ugly. Do you know what I mean? Sometimes I cling so tightly to my fear I don’t even recognize it for what it is. Bondage. Oppression. Lack of trust. Oh, and then there’s that other thing—pride. Pride keeps me from seeing straight, and it twists all of my perceptions. It makes asking for help so difficult that I forget that...

Keep Reading

Dear Dad, I Pray for Our Healing

In: Faith, Grief, Grown Children
Back shot of woman on bench alone

You are on my mind today. But that’s not unusual. It’s crazy how after 13 years, it doesn’t feel that long since I last saw you. It’s also crazy that I spend far less time thinking about that final day and how awful it was and spend the majority of the time replaying the good memories from all the years before it. But even in the comfort of remembering, I know I made the right decision. Even now, 13 years later, the mix of happy times with the most confusing and painful moments leaves me grasping for answers I have...

Keep Reading

God Redeemed the Broken Parts of My Infertility Story

In: Faith, Grief, Loss, Motherhood
Two young children walking on a path near a pond, color photo

It was a Wednesday morning when I sat around a table with a group of mamas I had just recently met. My youngest daughter slept her morning nap in a carrier across my chest. Those of us in the group who held floppy babies swayed back and forth. The others had children in childcare or enrolled in preschool down the road. We were there to chat, learn, grow, and laugh. We were all mamas. But we were not all the same. I didn’t know one of the mom’s names, but I knew I wanted to get to know her because she...

Keep Reading

God Has You

In: Faith, Motherhood
Woman hugging herself while looking to the side

Holding tight to the cold, sterile rail of the narrow, rollaway ER bed, I hovered helplessly over my oldest daughter. My anxious eyes bounced from her now steadying breaths to the varying lines and tones of the monitor overhead. Audible reminders of her life that may have just been spared. For 14 years, we’d been told anaphylaxis was possible if she ingested peanuts. But it wasn’t until this recent late autumn evening we would experience the fear and frenzy of our apparent new reality. My frantic heart hadn’t stopped racing from the very moment she struggled to catch a breath....

Keep Reading