Child Loss Faith Grief

Why Us? Why Not You?

Why Us? Why Not You? www.herviewfromhome.com
Written by Missy Hillmer

Why me? Why us? This stuff just doesn’t happen to people like us?!? Now what do we do?

These were only a few of the questions we talked about on that long one and a forth mile walk home from Tyler’s accident. Questions anyone in our situation would say or think, especially a parent, who just lost a son. They were so raw, so real, but yet so unbelievable.

How did this just happen?

Just one half hour – that was all he was supposed to be gone. Now, as we walk home in the early hours of the morning we are lost to what we will do next.  As a parent you are supposed to be able to fix any problem. As our kids get hurt we are the ones who kiss it to make it better or put a Band-Aid on it to fix it. Only tonight there was nothing we could do to fix it or make it better to bring Tyler back.

I can remember so clearly that night what God told me.

WHY NOT YOU!?!

I blurted it out like I owned it. Not really understanding what I just said. But it is so true. Who are we to think we are better than someone else. Maybe God thought we were strong enough or maybe this was a BIG wake up call to many others who needed to find God. I do not know the answer, but I do know God planned it right down to the day, time, the people, everything. It was out of our control. We always think it should happen to someone else. God went on to remind me, I give you your children for a period of time and then I take them home with me. It was so scary how loud and clear those words were in my head. But it is true, our children are not ours forever, they are God’s children. And once again my sign that God is in control was loud and clear.

How does a person move on? Well, it will be two years on August 23 that we lost Tyler in a car accident. I have realized that I need to trust God 100%. I talk, pray, yell, cry to him when I don’t understand. I take each minute, hour, day, and month as it comes.

Some are easier than others.

I let my family and friends continue to help. That is one thing I would remind you, let people help. It makes them feel better because in a situation like this, no one knows what to say. Be slow to get mad and just know they are trying their best to understand. Many times just being there is the best thing and not saying a word.

I know, when you have lost a loved one you don’t ever forget them. You learn to adjust and there will always be a part of my heart that will be broken. I encourage others to not wait for a life changing event to get right with God. I mean don’t just go to church and be a Sunday Christian.  Ask Jesus into your heart, be saved and baptized so that one day you will be reunited with your loved ones in Heaven. The bible is full of what Jesus says we need to do. I am just like you, I don’t take the time to find it or figure it out. It’s awkward to talk about or you think people will think you are a bible thumper. Well, through the loss of my son I have learned I’m NOT in control and that God DOES play a big part in my life. I think it’s important and want to give people resources to make their own choices (Mark 16:16).

It’s not for me to decide it is for God.

About the author

Missy Hillmer

My name is Missy Hillmer. I’m married, live in a small town named Palmer, NE and have 3 children. Jake is our oldest who is 19 years old and Gracie is 11 who lives here with us. Tyler which was 15 years on August 20, 2013 is now in Heaven. He was killed in a car accident just 3 short days after his 15th birthday.

I am very honest, very real sometimes to the point of not being fun, I guess that’s because I’m a black and white kind of girl. I like to look at the positive in every situation. I really believe there are two ways to look at things. Look for the bad or the good. The “bad” does me no justice and can spiral out of control in a heartbeat. The “good” however gives me hope and it connects with my belief that God is with me through everything.

I believe my faith has gotten me through life and especially since my son’s accident. I pray a lot more, watch for the signs that God gives me, listen to my inner gut feeling, as my husband calls it and really focus on living a simple life. Family means everything to me, I love to laugh and think it’s the best medicine for any problem. Music soothes my sole and being outside in the sun brings me great joy!

I have learned that many times you cannot control the storm in your life but, you can learn to dance in the rain. I really mean it when I say DANCE in the RAIN! The summer before Tyler’s accident, Tyler, Gracie & I danced in the rain. This memory I will never forget!

Since Tyler’s accident I am passionate about telling my story with the hope that it will help or inspire at least one person.

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