Not that long ago, I was having one of “those” days as a mom. I was feeling bitter and frustrated and somewhat resentful, and yes, angry. My husband came to me and asked if I was ok, and also mentioned that lately it seemed like I was always angry at him. At first I balked at the suggestion. I wasn’t angry at him. Or was I? So I thought about it for a bit. And I told him how it makes me crazy that he gets to shower with the door shut, or poop without someone banging on the door as if the house is on fire. I told him how frustrating it is that no one ever wakes him up in the middle of the night to ask how big the universe is, or to demand snuggles or water. I explained how maddening it is that he gets to eat hot food while it’s still hot, and how his pants from three years ago still fit. And the more things I listed, and the more I heard myself I realized that I was, in fact, angry. Now these are all very trivial sounding issues if you look at one, but when you look at all of them, and you figure in the fact that they are daily events, they do build up over time and begin to become a real problem. And even though these things were not directly my husband’s fault, he was the only other adult in the house. So I started to think of ways that we might be able to deal with some of these issues and help me to be less angry. And these are my explanations, and suggestions (with a healthy dose of humor) for spouses of angry wives:

1) She is really freaking tired. The kind of tired that happens when someone hasn’t slept in years. Your best plan of attack here is not to make fun of her when she can’t form logical sentences, or laugh when she puts lunch meat away in the silverware drawer. She will not be amused. Not at all. Send her for a nap. Take the children out of the house, and preferably off of the property, and let her sleep.

2) She probably sat in pee today. You can’t fix this. Just be aware.

3) She has low blood sugar. The last thing she ate was likely a bag of cookies at midnight when the last child finally fell asleep. Make her a sandwich, lock her in the bathroom where she usually needs to hide to consume food, and go buy more cookies. She will need them later.

4) In keeping with the food theme, she can’t remember the last time that she was able to sit down for an entire meal or enjoy hot food while it was still actually hot. Send her out for a meal. Breakfast, lunch or dinner, it doesn’t matter. Do not send any of the children with her. No, not even the really well behaved one. She needs to go alone.

5) She hasn’t pooped in days. Those darling little anti-laxatives you helped to create make it nearly impossible to sit on the toilet. Lock her in the bathroom. Stand guard.

6) She hasn’t listened to anything but screaming children and Dora the Explorer for weeks. If she hears the word “map” again it will likely be her breaking point. Send her out in the family van alone. She needs to blow the speakers out with her own music while entertaining other motorists with her mad singing skills.

7) People argue with her all day. Literally from sun up to sun down and often multiple times in between. Completely self-centered people with no sense of logic. They argue over cups, spoons, clothing, homework, bedtimes, television, bath time and if the sky is blue. Absolutely everything. She is bound to get a bit angry from time to time. So don’t argue. Your best plan of attack here is to just agree with everything she says for about the next eighteen years. Trust me.

8) If nothing on his list appears to be an issue, check the coffee. You may have purchased decaf by accident the last time she sent you to the store. If this is the case, quietly, and without drawing attention to yourself, grab the proper coffee from the store and carefully replace the ridiculous and highly offensive decaffeinated abomination with real coffee. Do not get caught and do not admit to what you have done. Following these steps may save your relationship.

Above all else, remember that she loves you. She chose you to join her on this crazy journey called parenthood and although she may be too tired and too drained at the end of the day to tell you, she does appreciate you. So hang in there. It’s all worth it. Oh, and a good old fashioned hug never hurts.

 She chose you to join her on this crazy journey called parenthood and although she may be too tired and too drained at the end of the day to tell you, she does appreciate you. So hang in there.

So God Made a Mother book by Leslie Means

If you liked this, you'll love our book, SO GOD MADE A MOTHER available now!

Order Now

Check out our new Keepsake Companion Journal that pairs with our So God Made a Mother book!

Order Now
So God Made a Mother's Story Keepsake Journal

Jesica Ryzynski

Jesica Ryzynski is the highly caffeinated mother of four children aged three to fifteen.  She shares her sleep deprived parenting experiences with a healthy dose of honesty and humor on her blog: www.isthatchocolateorpoop.com. You can find her on Facebook too!

I Thought Our Friendship Would Be Unbreakable

In: Friendship, Journal, Relationships
Two friends selfie

The message notification pinged on my phone. A woman, once one of my best friends, was reaching out to me via Facebook. Her message simply read, “Wanted to catch up and see how life was treating you!”  I had very conflicting feelings. It seemed with that one single message, a flood of memories surfaced. Some held some great moments and laughter. Other memories held disappointment and hurt of a friendship that simply had run its course. Out of morbid curiosity, I clicked on her profile page to see how the years had been treating her. She was divorced and still...

Keep Reading

The First 10 Years: How Two Broken People Kept Their Marriage from Breaking

In: Journal, Marriage, Relationships
The First Ten Years: How Two Broken People Kept Their Marriage from Breaking www.herviewfromhome.com

We met online in October of 2005, by way of a spam email ad I was THIS CLOSE to marking as trash. Meet Single Christians! My cheese alert siren sounded loudly, but for some reason, I unchecked the delete box and clicked through to the site. We met face-to-face that Thanksgiving. As I awaited your arrival in my mother’s kitchen, my dad whispered to my little brother, “Hide your valuables. Stacy has some guy she met online coming for Thanksgiving dinner.” We embraced for the first time in my parents’ driveway. I was wearing my black cashmere sweater with the...

Keep Reading

To The Mother Who Is Overwhelmed

In: Inspiration, Motherhood
Tired woman with coffee sitting at table

I have this one head. It is a normal sized head. It didn’t get bigger because I had children. Just like I didn’t grow an extra arm with the birth of each child. I mean, while that would be nice, it’s just not the case. We keep our one self. And the children we add on each add on to our weight in this life. And the head didn’t grow more heads because we become a wife to someone. Or a boss to someone. We carry the weight of motherhood. The decisions we must make each day—fight the shorts battle...

Keep Reading

You’re a Little Less Baby Today Than Yesterday

In: Journal, Motherhood
Toddler sleeping in mother's arms

Tiny sparkles are nestled in the wispy hair falling across her brow, shaken free of the princess costume she pulled over her head this morning. She’s swathed in pink: a satiny pink dress-up bodice, a fluffy, pink, slightly-less-glittery-than-it-was-two-hours-ago tulle skirt, a worn, soft pink baby blanket. She’s slowed long enough to crawl into my lap, blinking heavy eyelids. She’s a little less baby today than she was only yesterday.  Soon, she’ll be too big, too busy for my arms.  But today, I’m rocking a princess. The early years will be filled with exploration and adventure. She’ll climb atop counters and...

Keep Reading

Dear Husband, I Loved You First

In: Marriage, Motherhood, Relationships
Man and woman kissing in love

Dear husband, I loved you first. But often, you get the last of me. I remember you picking me up for our first date. I spent a whole hour getting ready for you. Making sure every hair was in place and my make-up was perfect. When you see me now at the end of the day, the make-up that is left on my face is smeared. My hair is more than likely in a ponytail or some rat’s nest on the top of my head. And my outfit, 100% has someone’s bodily fluids smeared somewhere. But there were days when...

Keep Reading

Stop Being a Butthole Wife

In: Grief, Journal, Marriage, Relationships
Man and woman sit on the end of a dock with arms around each other

Stop being a butthole wife. No, I’m serious. End it.  Let’s start with the laundry angst. I get it, the guy can’t find the hamper. It’s maddening. It’s insanity. Why, why, must he leave piles of clothes scattered, the same way that the toddler does, right? I mean, grow up and help out around here, man. There is no laundry fairy. What if that pile of laundry is a gift in disguise from a God you can’t (yet) see? Don’t roll your eyes, hear me out on this one. I was a butthole wife. Until my husband died. The day...

Keep Reading

I Can’t Be Everyone’s Chick-fil-A Sauce

In: Friendship, Journal, Living, Relationships
woman smiling in the sun

A couple of friends and I went and grabbed lunch at Chick-fil-A a couple of weeks ago. It was delightful. We spent roughly $20 apiece, and our kids ran in and out of the play area barefoot and stinky and begged us for ice cream, to which we responded, “Not until you finish your nuggets,” to which they responded with a whine, and then ran off again like a bolt of crazy energy. One friend had to climb into the play tubes a few times to save her 22-month-old, but it was still worth every penny. Every. Single. One. Even...

Keep Reading

Love Notes From My Mother in Heaven

In: Faith, Grief, Journal, Living
Woman smelling bunch of flowers

Twelve years have passed since my mother exclaimed, “I’ve died and gone to Heaven!” as she leaned back in her big donut-shaped tube and splashed her toes, enjoying the serenity of the river.  Twelve years since I stood on the shore of that same river, 45 minutes later, watching to see if the hopeful EMT would be able to revive my mother as she floated toward his outstretched hands. Twelve years ago, I stood alone in my bedroom, weak and trembling, as I opened my mother’s Bible and all the little keepsakes she’d stowed inside tumbled to the floor.  It...

Keep Reading

Sometimes Friendships End, No Matter How Hard You Try

In: Friendship, Journal, Relationships
Sad woman alone without a friend

I tried. We say these words for two reasons. One: for our own justification that we made an effort to complete a task; and two: to admit that we fell short of that task. I wrote those words in an e-mail tonight to a friend I had for nearly 25 years after not speaking to her for eight months. It was the third e-mail I’ve sent over the past few weeks to try to reconcile with a woman who was more of a sister to me at some points than my own biological sister was. It’s sad when we drift...

Keep Reading

Goodbye to the House That Built Me

In: Grown Children, Journal, Living, Relationships
Ranch style home as seen from the curb

In the winter of 1985, while I was halfway done growing in my mom’s belly, my parents moved into a little brown 3 bedroom/1.5 bath that was halfway between the school and the prison in which my dad worked as a corrections officer. I would be the first baby they brought home to their new house, joining my older sister. I’d take my first steps across the brown shag carpet that the previous owner had installed. The back bedroom was mine, and mom plastered Smurf-themed wallpaper on the accent wall to try to get me to sleep in there every...

Keep Reading