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Writing down her moments; even when they sting

Written by Leslie Means

Written By:  Leslie Means

I’ve been writing in journals for years.  I don’t usually write anything significant; just random thoughts popping out of my mind, similar to this column.  I’ve found writing to be not just good for my soul, but a fantastic way to reflect; a way to go back to a time in my life that seems to have happened centuries ago. 

Every so often I’ll ruffle through those old papers and find a similar date.  I found a few entries this week that I’d like to share with you.  This first one made me smile:

July 4th, 1993

“This was the best 4th of July I have ever had!  I won an underwater race at the swimming pool!  I swam across the entire pool in one breath and won a pop as my prize!”

I was cringing with this one;

July, 1996

“I am officially a freshman!  We went to our first official make-out party yesterday.  I have to admit, I didn’t know quite what to think, but it was very cool!  I know mom and dad would not be happy to know I was there, but oh well.”

And yet the final entry I came upon seemed to be speaking my exact thoughts, even though it had been written 7 years prior;

July 8, 2005

“It seems to me the rest of my life will be like this.  Trying to play ‘catch up’ on the moments that have passed, wondering where the time has gone.”

I felt that this week. Not old, as I know 30 is still very young, but baffled a bit.  Wondering how life is flying by so quickly.  A few days ago, Ella reminded me just how fast she’s growing up, too.

During a local function I tried to give her a hug.  I had been working all day and was excited to see her sweet little face. 

“Come give me a hug, Ella,” I said loudly enough for all her friends to hear.  She was in front of many kids a few years older than her but I didn’t think it mattered.  After all, she’s not even 4 yet. 

But she stayed away giving me a look of disgust.  “No, Mama,” she whispered and continued to play games with her friends.

I was crushed.

Later that night after she was tucked into her bed, I came downstairs and had our evening ‘chat’ as I like to do with her often.

“Why didn’t you give Mama a hug tonight, Ella?” I asked with a smile.

She looked up at me with her precious green eyes and said,” All the other kids weren’t giving their mom’s a hug.  I didn’t want to either.”

At that moment, my heart felt emotions similar to those diary entries; the excitement of being a little girl, the confusion of wanting to be independent and the sadness for how quickly time was escaping.  I couldn’t find the words to say to my almost 4 year old baby girl.  All I could do was give her a hug and remind her how strong my love is for her soul. 

I’ll look back at this post in 7 years when Ella is a “tween” and wonder where the time has gone.  For this moment, I’ll write it down; trying to soak in the memory as a reminder of just how precious and fleeting this life can be. 

Click here to read more from Leslie in the Kearney Hub.

About the author

Leslie Means

Leslie is the co-founder and owner of Her View From Home.com. She is also a former news anchor, published children’s book author, weekly columnist, and has several published short stories as well.

She is married to a very patient man. Together they have two pretty fantastic little girls ages 8 and 6 and one little dude born March 2017!

When she’s not sharing too much personal information online and in the newspaper – you’ll find Leslie somewhere in Nebraska hanging out with family and friends. There’s also a 75% chance at any given time, you’ll spot her in the aisles at Target.

2 Comments

  • time DOES fly; We just finished a first with our granddaughter (5 1/2 yrs). She spent 5 days with us while her mom and little brother drove back home to CO. She had a few tears as she waved goodbye to them, but soon realized that ALL the toys in the house were hers alone. We visited the library, meet kids in the neighborhood to play with and visited parks, the Nature Barn, Yanney, Trails and Rails train, played in and helped water Nana’s plants on the patio, read books and played with Papa—–all around a great time. BUT when we called her mom that night, I asked if she’d talk with Mom on the phone, she got tears in her eyes….we didn’t push. AND I could hear tears in my daughter’s voice when I had to tell her she didn’t want to talk…. She did talk to Mom and brother all the way home in our car (without videos !!) Instead we counted windmils, cows, horses and read books, sang songs, she also recited many nursery rhymes I’d forgotten. It was all around a very good experience and can hardly wait for next summer.
    Thanks to all you gals for this blog. I so enjoy reading it and shared it with my daughter in CO, too.