Inspiration Kids

Confessions of a Dance Mom: To Performers Everywhere

Confessions of a Dance Mom: To Performers Everywhere
Written by Andrea Wenburg

It was dark out as we drove home from our first of three trips to The Dance Factory that week. As crazy as it sounds, I don’t mind the 15-minute drive. I enjoy the quiet moments to contemplate life while she’s in class and the few minutes of random conversation with her in the car. The ride home that night started like most others.

“How was dance tonight?” I asked my precious almost-9-year-old who sat staring out the window behind me. 

“Good. We got to start learning our dance for recital.” A few blocks and bits of conversation later and Amelia casually inquired, “Why did you put me in dance?”

Her tone indicated a simple curiosity, so I answered simply. “Well, when we first moved here I wanted you to have the opportunity to be in a class. You were almost 4 years old and you love to dance, so we signed you up.” She giggled in affirmation. Our white caravan creaked down the dark road on the outskirts of town as I continued, “You complained about it constantly that first year. I assumed it was because you were required to work at paying attention the whole time. When summer came, I was ready to forget dance. But your dad wanted you to stick with it for a number of reasons and so we did. That next year you started to love it!”


“Because I got to perform!” Amelia revealed. We pulled up to a stoplight and I glanced in the rearview mirror at her softly lit grin.

Ah yes. My eyes went back to the road while my mind went back to the moment we realized we had a performer on our hands. She was 5 the first year she got to perform on stage at the spring recital. Her sequined costume wasn’t the only reason she lit up the stage that night. When Amelia stepped out under the lights, her entire being sparkled with joy. It still does. Every time.

I smiled as the breaks squeaked up to the next stoplight, because I get it. I’m a performer, too. Something in both Amelia and I turns on when we are in the spotlight. I can’t speak for her, but I know what goes on inside of me. I stand taller, dig deeper and release a more expressive version of myself. It’s as if I intuitively know that my self-expression is more than a single person can handle, so I save it for a crowd. The more people in the audience, the less of me one individual must hold. The more people in the audience, the more I can release. And I have a lot to release.

Performers get a bad rap. They are often labeled as attention-seeking and fake. But great performers are some of the most self-sacrificing and genuine people I know. They are more true to themselves on stage than in conversation. Why? Because they were made for it. Something in them turns on when they step into the spotlight and they are free to release themselves with an intensity of expression that no single conversation can hold.

Performance is an opportunity for artists to transform their intense barrage of thoughts and feelings and turn them into a passionate expression. What feels like a self-centered battle on the inside becomes an others-centered song, dance, poem or painting on the outside. True performance, in my view, is not self-expression for the sake of self. It is disciplined self-expression for the sake of others.

So I admit it. I take my young daughter to dance classes three nights a week because she is a performer. She needs it like she needs air to breathe. And I want my little performer to gain the humble confidence she needs to move with grace so she can express a true and transformed version of herself that blesses everyone around her.

To performers everywhere I say: Let It Go.

Click for information about Andrea’s book UNFROZEN: Stop Holding Back and Release the Real You.



About the author

Andrea Wenburg

I’m Andrea, author of the bestselling book, UNFROZEN: Stop Holding Back and Release the Real You. I’m a wife to Aaron and mom to two beautifully creative kids. When they’re not around I’m working as a writer, speaker and strategist for my company Impact By Design, helping people find and refine their “voice” in the world as a person and/or a Personal Brand. I love writing about the experiences and lessons I learn on my journey to find, refine and express the voice of my heart. I do what I do so others might be equipped and inspired to realize how they might be holding back so they can release their true selves for the sake of others.

You can find more of my writing, audio and video, on my website

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B.A. Music Education
M.A. Counseling Ministries


  • Andrea, I am so glad you wrote this! As someone who IS “frozen” when I’m in the spotlight, I enjoyed reading about the perspective of a mom and daughter who find true release in performance. I imagine it’s the type of release I feel from writing — like I’ve decluttered my brain and can breathe again. It’s so cool how God has wired us all differently. I’m glad your daughter has had her outlet from such a young age. Thanks for an excellent article! Best, Stacy

    • This is so true! I have never thought of it that way. I have always explained it as shy when in one on one situations and very outgoing when I have to be, when I am speaking at conferences or teaching adult classes. I like your explanation much better!

      • I’m so glad, Pam! I care about this subject so much, probably because I’ve struggled with it so much and now see it differently. I’m glad you have a new, hopefully more empowering, way to talk about your own gift for performing.

    • I bet it is very similar! What is the expression of self that we all experience as the “better” or transfromed versions of ourselves that we offer the world? Writing, speaking, singing, dancing, painting, scoring…?

  • “Performance is an opportunity for artists to transform their intense
    barrage of thoughts and feelings and turn them into a passionate
    expression. What feels like a self-centered battle on the inside becomes
    an others-centered song, dance, poem or painting on the outside.” This quote so aptly expresses what I experience when I teach or preach, but I’ve never connected these experiences with “performance” or “artistry.” As I consider owning these terms, I find myself feeling stretched, special, and scared, all at the same time.

    • I’ve even thought about how this applies to how I interact in smaller groups, too. I used to wonder what was wrong with me that I wanted to be the hostess all the time. Was I a control freak? But now I wonder if playing the hostess is performing in this sense, as well – offering something beautiful when I “turn it on” inside. I wonder if you experience that when you entertain guests, as well?