Pre-Order So God Made a Mother

I’m sure you’ve read the articles—or at least seen the headlines as you scroll.

Siblings share a bond for life.

Siblings are built-in best friends.

Siblings are the best gift I can give my kids.

I have a handful of kids myself and, as a mom, it’s true—I sincerely wish for my children to have a deep bond when they’re grown. I want them to be friends with mutual love, respect, and camaraderie between them.

But the truth is not all siblings grow up to be friends.

In my own 30+ years as a sibling, I’ve come to accept that it really is as simple and as complicated as that.

My siblings and I don’t call each other daily. We don’t banter back and forth on a group text. We don’t meet up on random Tuesday nights in a restaurant booth to discuss life over margaritas and queso, even though some of us live in the same town.

If I’m being honest, it hurts a little to realize I’ll likely never have that, that I’ll probably never share a close relationship with the people I grew up with. We share genes, a healthy catalog of happy childhood memories, and an upbringing that shaped each of us in various ways—but we just don’t share a close bond.

RELATED: Cherish Your Siblings if You’re Lucky Enough to Have Them

It’s not that our relationship is acrimonious or filled with any sort of hatred. We’re not going to end up on an episode of Maury or The People’s Court squabbling over an inheritance or a bitter love triangle. But it’s not the flowery stuff of mom blogs or those dreamy, muted orange Instagram stories, either.

We grew into adults who aren’t that close.

Honestly, I wonder sometimes if we’re not such an anomaly. There must be more sets of grown siblings out there like us than social media would lead you to believe. The kind who does a passable job of going through the motions but would never be in each other’s orbits if it weren’t for our common DNA.

That story doesn’t get the headlines though, because it’s not very sexy. It’s uncomfortable to see ourselves in the once-every-three-months group text messages that elicit eye rolls or annoyed sighs. Those awkward Thanksgiving dinners where extended families make small talk to fill four hours are uncomfortable enough to live, let alone relive.

Because I’ve learned that while real life may be true, it doesn’t always fit into our preferred narrative.

RELATED: Love Your Siblings and Other Advice For My Grown Children

I wish I could point to a specific incident that causes us to hold one another at arm’s length—but I can’t. We had a comfortable childhood. Our parents are objectively great and had plenty of love for us all. We had good times together and made a lot of memories.

But eventually, we grew up and we just grew apart. We got married, and not necessarily to spouses who had all that much in common with our siblings. We got busy having our own kids, pursuing our own careers, our own hopes and dreams.

Thankfully, we’ve proven we’re there for each other when push comes to shove—something I’m incredibly grateful to know deep down in my bones—but I don’t think we’ll ever really be friends.

We’re related, but that’s about it.

And I have a feeling we can’t be the only ones.

Looking for another good read? We love It’s Not Supposed to Be This Way.[/easyazon_link] Don’t have time to sit and read? You can listen here, on Audible.

Recommendations in this post contain affiliate links. Her View From Home may receive a small commission if you choose to purchase.

So God Made a Mother book by Leslie Means

If you liked this, you'll love our new book, SO GOD MADE A MOTHER available for pre-order now!

Pre-Order Now

Her View From Home

Millions of mothers connected by love, friendship, family and faith. Join our growing community. 1,000+ writers strong. We pay too!   Find more information on how you can become a writer on Her View From Home at

To the Friend Who Just Lost a Parent: It’s Going to Hurt and You’re Going to Grow

In: Grief, Grown Children, Loss
Sad woman hands over face

Oh, the inevitable, as we age into our mid to late 30s and beyond. The natural series of life states that losing a parent will become more commonplace as we, ourselves, continue to age, and I am beginning to see it among my circle of friends. More and more parents passing, and oh, my heart. My whole heart aches and fills with pain for my friends, having experienced this myself three years ago.  It’s going to hurt. It’s going to hurt more than you could expect. The leader of your pack, the glue, the one you turn to when you...

Keep Reading

“He’s Gone.”

In: Grief, Grown Children, Loss
Bride dancing with her father, color photo

That heart-wrenching moment when I received that phone call—the one that completely shattered life as I knew it. “He’s gone,” two words that brought me to my knees, screaming and crying. I couldn’t breathe, I couldn’t put into words what I was thinking or feeling, I was broken. Time slowed to a snail’s pace, it seemed like it took hours to arrive, and when we did, reality still didn’t sink in. This wasn’t how it was supposed to be, we were supposed to have more time, way more time with him.  I’m too young to lose my dad, my kids...

Keep Reading

As An Adult, Navigating Your Parents’ Divorce Is Complicated

In: Grown Children, Marriage
Older couple sitting apart unhappy on couch

“Gray divorce” is a term that refers to divorce in couples over 50 years old. There are plenty of reasons why people decide to get divorced—in some cases, after decades of marriage. Many couples at this phase of their life are experiencing empty nests for the first time and are finding that once their kids have left the home, their relationship is not where they hoped it would be. No matter what the reasons may be, the reality is a lot of adults with families of their own are navigating their parents’ divorce. I am one of those adults facing...

Keep Reading

A Mother Spends Her Life Letting Go

In: Grown Children, Motherhood
Mother holding up child silhouette

Checking in—it’s what mothers do, or what I do anyway. I stand nose to chin with Miles and Gabriel, my grown twin sons, to feel their life force wash over me. They radiate energy and testosterone and smell like shampoo and skin. I inspect their shirts for invisible crumbs, touch and tease their curly hair—a gift from their father—and breathe in their essence, no longer baby-sweet but still beloved. I hold their sleeves lightly between my fingers. I anchor myself there in their orbit. And I ask questions, again and again, long after they’ve stopped listening. The questions are innocuous,...

Keep Reading

Grieving the Death of an Estranged Family Member is Complicated

In: Grief, Grown Children
Woman looking out at water

This past weekend, I learned that my estranged grandmother died. It had been a few years since I had spoken to her, and while I knew this day would come, I never exactly knew how I’d feel when the day actually arrived. Honestly, the moment I heard the news, I felt a bit of shock and didn’t know how to feel in that moment. Was I allowed to feel sadness or pain given that I had chosen to remove this family from my life? I felt so overwhelmed, I ended up googling “how to grieve the death of an estranged...

Keep Reading

There’s a Little Less of You Here Each Day

In: Grief, Grown Children
Elderly man and younger woman's arms around his neck

I’m sitting here on the front porch, and I’m sobbing. I’m finally grieving. I’ve finally reached the place where my heart knows what my brain has known for years. I am now dreaming of the day we meet again in Heaven, Dad, and you look at me and I will see in your eyes that you know it’s me: your daughter. I won’t be “the woman who comes by every day to our house” as you described me to Mom the other day. And this sucks. This early onset Alzheimer’s has stolen a brilliant mind. It’s stolen my mother’s dear...

Keep Reading

Our College Visit Disaster: What You Should Learn from My Mistakes

In: Grown Children, Motherhood, Teen
Mom and teen daughter selfie, color photo

With a song in my heart, I got in the car to drive my daughter to our first college visit.  We drove two hours to a school nestled in the mountains. It was a state school, not too big, not too small.  She knew plenty of alumni from her high school who attended there, and I was convinced it was going to be the perfect fit. We pulled up to the student center, and I jumped out of the car. I glanced around for her and realized she was still sitting in the car.  “Mom, I’m not getting out. I ...

Keep Reading

Everything I Know About Motherhood, I Learned from My Mom

In: Grown Children, Motherhood
Mother and daughter walking down snowy path, color photo

I lay in a hospital bed, and the doctor placed my brand-new son into my arms. As I held him close and stared in wonder at this tiny new life, the gravity of being totally responsible for another person settled in with an enormous weight. I could hear my mom’s voice in my mind, “Support the head, hold him close, let him feel you breathe.” Words from my youth when she taught me how to comfort my crying baby cousin. The first lesson I had in taking care of a baby. When I brought my son home from the hospital,...

Keep Reading

I’ll Send You off with a Million Prayers

In: Grown Children, Motherhood, Teen
Teen walking down sidewalk with suitcase, color photo

I think one of the hardest things about launching your big kids is wondering what baggage they will take with them. Did I give them enough for what comes next? Enough guidance? Enough wisdom Enough confidence and encouragement? Or will they end up carrying the weight of all of my mistakes? My exhaustion? My insecurities? My misplaced fears? What will they hold on to and what will they toss aside as they make room for new experiences, new people, new dreams? RELATED: My Mama Heart Breaks a Little Every Time You Go What lessons will they remember? What moments will...

Keep Reading

Dear Future Daughter-in-Law, I Hope We’ll Be Close

In: Grown Children, Motherhood
Wedding preparation buttoning up dress

Dear future daughter-in-law, My son loves you enough to want to spend the rest of his life with you. That’s a big deal. But I hope you and I can have a relationship too. While I think he’s pretty terrific, I want to know all about you and to have a relationship of our own. I know you are more than his significant other—our relationship may be because of him, but it can also be separate from him. Stop trying so hard. Just be yourself, the woman my son fell in love with. I don’t want you to try to...

Keep Reading