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Tonight we are having cereal for dinner.

In my defense, my husband started it.

He asked me what we were having.

Aaaand that was it.

That was all it took to break me.

That was all it took for me to lose my ish.

RELATED: Dear God, I’m Just So Tired

Because after another day of grappling with big, overwhelming, scary decisions, all it took for me to collapse into an anxiety-ridden puddle of emotions was a small one.

What are we having for dinner?

I do not know, my darling beloved.

I do not know anything anymore.

I do not have enough energy to care, and yet I care deeply, but really why bother caring at all because WHAT DOES IT MATTER ANYWAY?

I am so fed up with making decisions. I am so sick of weighing pros and cons. I am so worn out from deciphering all the information being thrown at me, and so overwhelmed by making choices without adequate information.

RELATED: This is the New Mental Load of Motherhood

We’ve known about this mental load that mothers carry for awhile now—that’s nothing new. We’ve lugged this weight around for eons. Even with helpful partners and strong support systems, too often it falls on moms to keep things running smoothly.

But one thing we didn’t bargain on was a global pandemic.

One thing we didn’t bargain on was being forced to choose between our jobs and our kids.

One thing we didn’t bargain on was being forced to choose between their safety and their education.

RELATED: School Looks Iffy in the Fall and I’m Already Grieving

One thing we didn’t bargain on was being forced to choose between our sanity and their safety.

And so now we are flippin’ over it.

We are over weighing these lose/lose decisions where no one can win.

We are over imagining worst-case scenarios and how we will plan for them.

We are over trying to do risk assessments without all the facts.

We are over trying to anticipate a very uncertain and very unpredictable future.

And by the end of the day, our brains are so fried and our patience so zapped that we literally do not have it in us to make even

one

more

teeny

tiny

eensy

weensy

decision.

We are all suffering from decision fatigue, and it is a very real affliction. I’m honestly not sure if I’m going to make it.

RELATED: In Times Like These, It’s OK To Cry

So, in case you were wondering . . .

That’s why we are having cereal for dinner tonight.

Originally published on Shower Arguments

So God Made a Mother book by Leslie Means

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Emily Solberg

Emily Solberg is a soldier, military spouse, mom of two, and fierce advocate of women supporting women. The goal of her writing is to help others feel less alone in their parenting journeys, and she isn’t afraid to share the hard parts of her own. You can find more from her over on Facebook and Instagram at Shower Arguments with Emily Solberg.

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