I get caught up in the numbers. Not mathematical numbers, my brain has never liked those, but numbers of views, likes, clicks and statistics. My day to day mood will change on the numbers. On a high number day, my husband will come home and find a clean house, with his wife cooking supper or maybe even baking while sipping on a glass of wine, with a classic rock song playing in the background and an evening full of attention – on him and those two little girls we brought into this world.
On a bad number day, my husband will come home and find me with a beer, sitting on the couch, watching a depressing national news story. If I cook or bake, it will likely end up burned (especially if it’s cookies) and he’ll end up cooking dinner. The house will be a mess and so will I. No shower that day – who has time to shower when the numbers are low? I’ll be on edge, frustrated, and I might even complain a little. Just a little.
I shouldn’t admit this to you fine folks, but I do it anyway. Because I’m definitely not perfect and I have a feeling you aren’t either.
Numbers to me mean how many people are on this website that day. Numbers equal views which equal the amount of payment I make for the month. I depend on high number days to keep my business running and to pay our writers and to help feed my growing girls who have tiny bodies and yet manage to gobble up more food than I imagined.
Do you have those days? Please tell me you do. When you’re worried about your job or your husband’s job or the stock market. It goes farther than that, of course. Maybe the worries at work plummet into your social life and you start worrying about something you once found so trivial – social media. You wonder why Kathy got more likes on her family photo she posted on Facebook? Or why Bob seems to have so many friends and backyard barbecues and late night poker games yet Bob never invites you.
Does this happen to you? Gosh I hope so, not that I want you to be a jealous or sad or angry person, I just don’t want to be alone on this.
I don’t think I am.
I have a note on my desk that reads, “I won’t let you get me down, Internet Clown,” followed by the date. Clearly I was having a low number day on that one.
I have another note that says, “Team Tortoise.” Yes, the Tortoise is my mascot. That came on a high number day, when I came to my right mind and realized that my business and this day to day life isn’t about who can finish the race the fastest. No. It’s about the ones who can conquer the low days, thrive on the high days and still manage to stay steady along the way. It’s about the ones who can recognize their weaknesses and their jealously and yet, deep down they know, they really know that their worth and value and confidence and love doesn’t come from popularity. Our value in this life is much deeper than that.
We’re all amazing and we’re all loved. It’s pretty much that simple. It’s up to us to believe it. Some days are easier and others, well, those days make the good ones that much sweeter.
All of this to say, if you’re there, if you have low days, if you get caught up in the trivial details of this life, I’m right there with ya. And on those days, you’re welcome to come over to my house, sit on my couch and enjoy a burned chocolate chip cookie with me. Virtually, of course. My house will be too much of a disaster for me to let you in.