Jack and I picked a crisp day to plop ourselves down on the ground in the front yard and plant some hyacinths for early spring. I could sense his confusion when he discovered planting flowers really meant digging holes, inserting a bulb bearing no resemblance to a flower, and then covering it once again with dirt.

“Where are the flowers, Mom?” he’d ask. “We have to wait until the snow melts,” I replied, realizing he failed to process such a seemingly interminable delay of gratification.

Planting bulbs is something I’ve done for years. Daffodils and hyacinths remain my favorites. Daffodils, for their bright cheery color and hyacinths for their delectable fragrance. Both for their early burst through the soil, sometimes even before the snow has melted.

After a dark winter, I need every sign of life I can get.

RELATED: To the Mom With the Winter Blues—Here’s How You Make it To Springtime

In my seasonal affective disorder, I muddle through the winter, seizing upon every 40 plus degree moment of sun.

I shovel the driveway after each snowfall, grateful for the chance to get my heart rate moving and enjoy the silence and awe of freshly fallen snow.

I bake rolls and cookies, infusing our home with warmth and an open invitation for friends to join us.

I drag myself out of bed each morning long before the sun rises to shuttle kids to and from school and activities. I retire long after the sun has gone to bed, feeling spent from a long day of fulfilling obligations and drudgery.

Then I wait.

There are days I sit back and wonder, much like Jack after planting bulbs, at the point of it all. Will the hyacinths ever make an appearance?

Indeed, winter is not my favorite, though there are bright spots to be found.

I saw a quote on Facebook recently that inspired me to reframe my relationship with winter. It read, “If you choose not to find joy in the snow, you will have less joy in your life but still the same amount of snow.”

In my life, this quote might read, “If you choose not to find joy in the teenagers, you will have less joy in your life but still the same amount of teenager.”

RELATED: The Teenage Years Will Break You

You see, teenagers resemble for me that hyacinth bulb in winter. I cultivated a spot for each one, inserted them with their pointy ends toward the sun, then covered and watered them to ensure the best possible outcome.

Likewise, I find myself shaking my head constantly as I endure the winter of raising teenagers.

I hold my tongue, hoping the lessons of years gone by managed to sink in. That the ground I have worked so diligently to cultivate provides an adequate environment for the beautiful bulb to thrive.

Then I wait.

RELATED: The Secret to Parenting Teens? Listen and Repeat.

I muddle through the years where each interaction is on their terms, where contributions in the home are regarded as optional, where adversarial relationships abound when standards are upheld.

I enjoy the moments of laughter when happy moods happen to collide in a universe of hormones. I eat up the chance to connect when they take me up on my offer to read to them as we did in younger years. I wake up bright and early to make breakfast and dabble in conversation as each daughter walks out the door, one by one. I buy and make mountains of food to keep them happy when they invite friends over. But mostly, I stay out of the way.

Indeed the efforts are staggering and the payout seems minimal.

But much like the hyacinth, the growth beneath the surface cannot be underestimated. And spring is on its way.

Truly, the instant gratification of planting annuals barely scratches the surface of the joy one feels when that first hyacinth breaks through after a long, cold winter.

RELATED: The Secret No One Told Me About the Teenage Years is How Much I’d Love Them

And then another. And another. Within weeks my garden is bursting with color and sweetness fills the air. A gentle reminder that efforts made long ago and endurance in between were well worth it.

Winter can feel like an eternity. But spring always comes. And hope will see us through.

Previously published on the author’s blog

P.S. We love the wisdom in How to Talk So Teens Will Listen, and Listen So Teens Will Talk. Don’t have time to sit and read? Listen here, on Audible.

Recommendations in this post contain affiliate links. Her View From Home may receive a small commission if you choose to purchase.

So God Made a Mother book by Leslie Means

If you liked this, you'll love our book, SO GOD MADE A MOTHER available now!

Order Now

Check out our new Keepsake Companion Journal that pairs with our So God Made a Mother book!

Order Now
So God Made a Mother's Story Keepsake Journal

Susie Egbert

I'm a Jack of all trades, master of none mother of five awesome children. I'm finding that in parenting, being pretty good at a lot of things is enough.

This Time In the Passenger Seat is Precious

In: Kids, Motherhood, Teen
Teen driver with parent in passenger seat

When you’re parenting preteens and teens, it sometimes feels like you are an unpaid Uber driver. It can be a thankless job. During busy seasons, I spend 80 percent of my evenings driving, parking, dropping off, picking up, sitting in traffic, running errands, waiting in drive-thru lines. I say things like buckle your seat belt, turn that music down a little bit, take your trash inside, stop yelling—we are in the car, keep your hands to yourself, don’t make me turn this car around, get your feet off the back of the seat, this car is not a trash can,...

Keep Reading

Sometimes Our Teens Need Blue Box Love

In: Motherhood, Teen
Container with macaroni and cheese, color photo

Sometimes loving a teen looks like making new Kraft Mac & Cheese at 4 a.m. My oldest packs her lunch about every day. Her cooking skills are meek at best. Last night she came home in her own head after a ball game. However, she was determined to make Mac & Cheese for her lunch today. RELATED: Being a Teen is Hard Enough—Go Ahead and Take the Easy Road Once in Awhile After she made it with a little more coaching than she cared for, she leaked out it still wasn’t good. Her noodles were far too underdone. It was...

Keep Reading

My Teen with Special Needs is Doing High School at His Pace, Not Mine

In: Motherhood, Teen
Teen putting books in backpack

The journey of a special needs parent is both stunningly beautiful and utterly heartbreaking. Often with one coming closely on the heels of the other or at the same time. I have made my peace that our parenting journey doesn’t look like everyone else’s. But it doesn’t mean this year is an easy one. This year my son should be in his senior year of high school with senior pictures, parties, and all the fun senior things to look forward to. It should be a year of celebration. But our year isn’t going to look like that. RELATED: Older Kids...

Keep Reading

Two Things My Teens Must Do Before They’re Allowed To Date

In: Motherhood, Teen
Teens lying on grass with feet crossed

When I was a little girl, I asked my dad when I could date. His response was like most dads to their daughters, half joking he said, “Never!” As I got a little older, I asked again and less jokingly that time he said, “You’re too young. Wait til you’re older.” When I was a full-fledged teenager (and thinking I was “grown enough”), I asked again, and his response was just a long exasperated sigh. We had reached the point of inevitability so there really were no words or jokes to be made. Looking back now, as a mom with...

Keep Reading

“It Looks and Tastes Like Candy.” Mom Shares Warning about THC Gummies All Parents Need to Hear

In: Kids, Living, Teen
Hand holding bottle of THC gummies

What Aimee Larsen first thought was a stomach bug turned out to be something much more terrifying for her young son. Her 9-year-old woke up one day last week seeming “lethargic, barely able to stand or speak,” his mom shared in a Facebook post. At first, she assumed he had a virus, but something about his behavior just didn’t seem right. She called an ambulance and asked her older sons if their brother might have gotten into something, like cough syrup or another over-the-counter medicine. Their answer? “Yeah, THC gummies.” THC gummies are an edible form of cannabis that contain...

Keep Reading

I Want to Be My Teen’s Friend, but First I Have to Be His Mother

In: Motherhood, Teen, Tween
Teen boy smiling wearing a hoodie

He’s 13. I could stop there, and most parents would simply shake their heads, give me a look of sympathy, and simply say, “It gets better.” My too-cool-for-school kid did a complete 180 in his seventh-grade year. Always at the top of his class academically, he stopped studying, stopped doing homework, stopped caring about grades. I tried to talk to him about it, but all I got were eye rolls, barely audible teenage slang that made no sense to this Gen-X mom, and the slamming of a door. He doesn’t even need the large “Stay Out” poster on his bedroom...

Keep Reading

I Had to Learn to Say “I’m Sorry” to My Kids

In: Kids, Motherhood, Teen, Tween
Mom hugs tween daughter

My two oldest kiddos are at the front end of their teen years. I remember that time in my own life. I was loud, somewhat dramatic, I let my hormones control me, and I never—ever—apologized. This last part was because no one ever really taught me the value of apology or relationship repair. Now, I could do some parent blaming here but let’s be real, if you were a kid whose formative years were scattered between the late ’80s and early ’90s, did you get apologies from your parents? If so, count that blessing! Most parents were still living with...

Keep Reading

Sweet Commercial About A Dad and Daughter Reconnecting Over Taylor Swift Has Us Teary

In: Motherhood, News, Teen, Tween
father and daughter cuddled up on the couch watching football

It’s hard for any girl dad to imagine a time when his daughter will stop wanting to spend time with him. But seemingly overnight, she can go from a devoted daddy’s girl to a prickly, detached teen who is much more interested in what’s happening on her phone than hanging out with her old man. Suddenly it can feel like there is no common ground between them, and shared interests are few and far between. But this NFL season has been different for football-loving dads and their Swiftie daughters. A heartwarming commercial from Cetaphil with the tagline, “A New Sports...

Keep Reading

Watching Your Big Kids Blossom is a Blessing

In: Motherhood, Teen, Tween
Tween and mother preparing food

A little over a week ago, I received a call from my dad, and over the next 12 hours regarding my mom, I heard words and phrases like bad fall, ambulance, ER, something on the CT scan, and broken arm. By the next morning, I told my husband I wanted to take our two oldest children, 12 and 14, and make the four-hour trip to my parents’ house. He didn’t hesitate to agree to take care of the four youngest, and my oldest two agreed to quickly pack a suitcase and hop in the truck with me. As we headed...

Keep Reading

In These Teen Years, I Wonder If I’m Doing Enough

In: Grown Children, Motherhood, Teen
Boy walking in the ocean surf

It’s a strange feeling to look back at all the years as a parent and wonder if I am doing enough. My boys are teens. One of them has just a few baby steps left until he heads into life after living under our roof. He is fiercely independent. One of those kids who I have for my whole life mistaken for being years older than he actually is. The kind of kid who can hold a conversation that reminds you of when you are out with your friends enjoying a bottle of wine at a restaurant made for middle-aged...

Keep Reading