Child Loss Grief Relationships

The Infertility Struggle – A Friend’s Perspective

The Infertility Struggle - A Friend's Perspective
Written by Gina Kayembe

A year seemed like a lifetime. We had been trying for what felt like a decade to get pregnant with baby #2. The first one only took a few months, but this time, we had 11 negative pregnancy tests. It was stressful feeling like we were putting too much of an age gap between our first son and our next hopeful child. It was stressful thinking it may never happen. It was stressful peeing on ovulation test strips and pregnancy tests with so many negative responses. It was emotional thinking our dreams of another child would not become a reality. It was worrisome to think that something may be wrong with me. Many hours of sleep were lost thinking about and wondering what the future holds for us.

I feel selfish having typed everything above. Although it was a long year of trying, I have been blessed with another pregnancy. I had a very tiny glimpse of what infertility may feel like, but I certainly have no idea what it is truly like. Knowing I have friends and family members who have struggled with infertility and miscarriages for years and years makes me feel selfish. A year? A year is nothing compared to what they have been through. I can’t imagine wondering everyday what a child with our combined DNA would look like and never getting that chance to know. I can’t imagine never knowing what it feels like to have a human growing and kicking inside of me. I can’t imagine having so much hope and longing and desperation only to be disappointed month after month and year after year.

I was hesitant to share my pregnancy news with my friends and family who continue to suffer through the inability to have their own biological child. I was deeply worried that it would hurt them and bury their hopes and dreams. When I told them the news, they were genuinely happy for us, but I know they felt some sadness inside. How is it fair that I’m pregnant with my second child when they have yet to experience it once? How is it fair for them to see my growing belly knowing they are wondering what that feels like? How can I support them and know what to say when I have never walked in their shoes?

I pray every single night that these women are blessed with what I have been lucky to experience. I pray that God blesses them with a baby so they can grow their family and experience the joy of being a parent. I pray that their sadness and worry and stress will go away soon. I pray that they don’t lose hope. Whether having a baby is in God’s plan for them or not, I pray that they can be happy and able to accept their fate. No matter what, I will be their biggest support system and will love them through it all. 

About the author

Gina Kayembe

Gina is an elementary school reading specialist of 10 years who loves writing and taking pictures on the side. She has been married to her Congolese-Canadian-Almost American husband for three years and is the blessed mom to 15 month old Jackson who makes her smile a million smiles every day. Her little guy gives her plenty to write about! Based in Des Moines, Iowa, Gina has a passion for running, sharing wine and laughs with friends, a clean house, and being the best mom possible. Follow her blog at