I'm Afraid of Forgetting These Little Years

A Gift for Mom! 🤍

I’m beginning to forget the earliest version of you.

Finer details that once took a place of pride in my mind are slipping through my fingers like tiny grains of sand.

Memories of you, of us, lie in wait as attempts to clench my brain shut all end in vain.

And it scares me.

Because although your little cry, gummy smile, and divine scent still linger in the back of my mind, hints are required to recall them to the forefront.

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Days spent with you asleep on my chest, rocking, swaying, so you didn’t protest.

Moments I tried so desperately to be present for while impatiently counting down to the next.

The ones I muddled through so begrudgingly as I fought the need to rest my eyes.

Hours that morphed into weeks that then rolled into years.

An entire longed-for stage of life now fuzzy around the edges.

I’m beginning to forget the earliest version of myself. A period of time in which I was truly transformed from a woman to a new mother.

The vulnerability that left me exposed.

The uncertainty which drowned out my intuition.

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The hesitation which clouded every decision.

And it scares me.

Because even though she’s not who I am today, I’m still so proud.

Because that was our beginning.

Early days that shaped us both. Long days incorporating growth, change, and figuring out how we fit together now that you were outside of my belly, safely in my arms.

And now you’re grown.

So independent, so curious. Fierce to a fault.

And so too have I.

So strong, so capable. Full of confidence.

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No longer clawing my way through the fog of sleep deprivation but swimming in the depths of this crazy life.

We’re on a new venture.

The next stage of life which will inevitably bring forward a whole range of skills and challenges for us to learn.

And we’ll be OK.

Because we have each other.

Because together we are perfect.

Because being your mom is a privilege I’ll forever work on being the best at, for you.

Previously published on the author’s Facebook page

So God Made a Grandmother book by Leslie Means

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Lacey Owen

Lacey Owen is a busy New Zealand Mom of three gorgeous children who provide the basis for her blog @Laced with Love; experiences along her journey to becoming a Mother and all that Motherhood entails such as miscarriage, birth, ill babies, secondary infertility and raising young children. She works part time as a health professional and is a self confessed crazy cat lady!

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Moments I tried so desperately to be present for while impatiently counting down to the next.

RELATED: I Hope I Loved You Enough Today

Because that was our beginning.

RELATED: Embracing This Mustard Seed Motherhood

We’re on a new venture.

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Lacey Owen

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Having a Holiday Baby Is Extra Special

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What Comes after the NICU? Sometimes It’s the Struggle No One Sees.

Surprise! I’m 42 and Pregnant.

To the Moms of COVID Babies Turning Five

Get It Now

So God Made a Mother

I’m Afraid of Forgetting These Little Years

Moments I tried so desperately to be present for while impatiently counting down to the next.

Because that was our beginning.

We’re on a new venture.

If you liked this, you'll love our book, SO GOD MADE A GRANDMA

Your Worth As a Mother Is Not Defined By How You Feed Your Baby

I May Let Go of the Baby Things, but I’ll Hold the Memories Forever

I Didn’t Know You Were My Last Baby When I Had You

To My Angel Babies

Having a Holiday Baby Is Extra Special

I’d Given Up on Getting Pregnant‚ But Hope Had Other Plans

It’s a Good Day To Celebrate Your Rainbow Baby

What Comes after the NICU? Sometimes It’s the Struggle No One Sees.

Surprise! I’m 42 and Pregnant.

To the Moms of COVID Babies Turning Five

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