Balance—let me tell you what I’ve learned about it. Almost seven years into motherhood, I’m finally starting to understand what the word actually means.
I used to think balance was all about dividing your time equally between your priorities. Your job, being a mom, being a wife, being a friend, being a sister, daughter, aunt, etc. I envisioned a perfectly even balance and constantly strived to keep it from rocking up and down.
I tried it out, and it worked for me . . . at first. But as life got busier and more things started piling on, I realized there weren’t enough hours in the day for me to fulfill each of these roles to their fullest, deserving potential.
So about a year ago I took a step back and had a conversation with my husband about something I had never prioritized before . . . myself. I told him I felt like I couldn’t give my all to anything on my list because my thoughts were going a million miles an hour all the time. I wasn’t sure if it was a little anxiety or a little bit of a control issue, all I knew was I was constantly striving to do it all and never felt like I could stop to soak it in. I decided I needed to purposefully set aside some time to just be me and recharge every once in a while.
I joined a nicer gym, got a monthly massage membership, joined a book club, started writing more, and started going places alone a few times a month. Like even my mom’s house . . . alone. Do you know how nice it is to go to your mom’s without your kids every once in a while? Don’t get me wrong, I love that my kids are spoiled when they go there, but there’s something so comforting when you take an hour to relax in that first role you ever knew—daughter.
We also talked about adding day dates to our list. We loved our monthly date nights, but they always felt too planned and too short. We decided date nights and day dates were a must. Let me tell you, date nights are nice, but day dates—those have been some of our favorite days from this past year. Just yesterday we dropped the kids off at his mom’s and did whatever we felt like doing. Movies, shopping, anything. There was no plan or a time limit, it was just a day for us to prioritize each other and go where the wind blew.
My balance was weighed down completely on the marriage side, and I loved every moment of it. As soon as we got back to our kids, I felt my balance shift, and we were both ready to step into our other roles. We had dinner, drove home to have a family slumber party, then headed to the pool with them first thing this morning.
This year, I’ve realized balance isn’t about dividing your time equally among all of your priorities. In fact, it’s quite the opposite. Your life will never be perfectly balanced and that’s okay. One week your balance may be heavier on the work side, another week it may be heavier on the motherhood side, and most days it will change by the hour.
The thing about balance is that as you add and remove things from each side, you get the luxury of really soaking in that heaviest thing. You can’t do it all, all the time. You can only do your best in the moment, with whatever is right in front of you.
Some days it’s still easier said than done, but as I look at where I am today versus where I was a year ago, I am so grateful to know balance will never be perfectly even. And I smile to myself and think how lucky am I to have so many roles to balance, and so many moments I get to soak in because I’ve finally let go of the idea of a perfectly balanced life.
by Gretchen Hoffman 
by Jill Smith 
