What to do When Motherhood Isn't Fulfilling

The Sweetest Mother's Day Gift!

I am not fulfilled being a mother.

Yes, I just said that.

I’ll say it again; motherhood has not fulfilled me. How can that be?! All I’ve ever wanted was to be a mother. I’ve dreamed of what it would be like to hold my own babies as I dressed my Cabbage Patch dolls and combed their yarn-hair. I fantasized about showing off my babies at church and snuggling them while they slept. I yearned for the day I would have my own child and not have to ask to hold them or give them back to anyone else. It’s all I’ve ever wanted. But sometimes I hate it.

Let’s be clear; I love my children. I love them more than life itself. I would die for them. But some days… some days I want to leave. I want to say “see ya” and go do something more exciting, more fulfilling. Because let’s be honest; motherhood is not glamorous. Days and weeks can go by without an ounce of appreciation, without any special moments, without any “it’s all worth it!” epiphanies.

Maybe it’s just me. Maybe I’m some sort of defective woman who is selfish and a fraud. Or maybe… maybe a lot more woman struggle with this and we just feel too ashamed talking about it. Mommy guilt is oppressive. It’s not nice to say, “I don’t like motherhood” unless it’s closely followed by, “But it’s all worth it!” It’s not polite to say, “I want to ditch these children today.” unless you also say, “But I’ll miss them so much when I’m gone!” It’s really defeating to admit your lifelong dream is just not as great as you thought it would be. It’s pretty disappointing to realize you’re not as wonderful as you thought you would be at that dream.

There are times in life where one feels fulfilled. I have experienced these times and it’s like my battery is charged. I am the best me. I look back and I think, “Wow, that girl is amazing. She has energy, confidence, charm. She is competent. She is a leader. She is joyful and kind. I would love to be around that girl.” Many days in my normal life as a mother I don’t see that girl. That girl is tired, insecure, and boring. She struggles to get things done. No one wants to listen to her. She is grumpy and mean. I would not want to be her friend. The problem is that my life’s calling right now is to be a mother. I don’t have a choice. It’s the season of life I’m in.

So how can I be fulfilled where I’m at now? How can I be “the best me” all the time? I don’t want to be that mean, grumpy girl all the time. I want to be fulfilled, and I want my kids to enjoy being around me. I want to enjoy being around me. All of us are gifted uniquely, and we have different sweet spots. How can I make my home my sweet spot? How can I truly be fulfilled and not just live in the monotonous, obligatory place I’ve been living?

I don’t have the answers. Honestly, I wish someone would just give me the answers. I would love to rub a bottle and have three wishes. Or have all the money to do all the things. Maybe if I could hire a nanny I could do the fulfilling things? What if I had enough money to go on lavish vacations and then I would be recharged for my mothering duties? If I wished for perfectly behaved kids would it change things? If I were skinny and athletic would I have all the energy and smile more? These things might change my life, might give me bursts of satisfaction, might give me better Facebook posts, but I doubt any permanent change will take place.

Contentment is learned. It’s a decision to be ok where I’m at. It’s a choice to not constantly compare and wish for another life. We have to practice being grateful, to practice listing all the things we are thankful for. Because we all have things to be thankful for, right? It’s all about perspective. It’s about choosing to see the good things and not focusing on the mediocre. Maybe it just comes down to our attitude. If we can’t change our situation or our “sweet spot,” it’ll have to be us. Our minds, our hearts, our words, our focus.

I’m not fulfilled being a mother, but tomorrow I will choose contentment. And maybe I’ll find a tiny sweet spot in my home that I can rest in. A place where that girl who is fun and smiles a lot can be revealed. Maybe she is here, in my home, and I’ve just been ignoring her. Maybe I thought she only came around other times and I was wrong. Tomorrow I’ll find her, and maybe she will choose to stay.

So God Made a Grandmother book by Leslie Means

If you liked this, you'll love our book, SO GOD MADE A GRANDMA

Order Now!

Hannah Carpenter

I am simply a crazy and stressed homeschool mom living in Ohio. I have five amazing kids and one incredible husband who still loves me after 15 years. Most importantly, I am a daughter of the King who is trying to honor Him everyday through my parenting, teaching, art and writing.

Robotics Kids Are Building More than You Can See

In: Kids

These robotics kids are going to shape our future. I think this every time I watch an elementary, middle school, or high school competition. My thoughts go back many years to when my middle child, who was six at the time, went with my husband to the high school robotics shop. They were only stopping in briefly to pick up some engineering kits, but my child quickly became captivated by what the “big kids” were doing. He stood quietly watching until one student walked over and asked if he would like to see what they were working on. My son,...

Keep Reading

Foster Care Kids Are Worth Fighting for

In: Kids

Sometimes foster care looks like bringing a child from a hard place into your home. Sometimes it looks like sitting at a ball field with a former foster love’s mom and being her village. He’s the one who has brought me to my knees more times than my own children. He’s the one I lie awake at night thinking about. He’s the one I beg the father to protect. He’s the one who makes me want to get in the trenches over and over again. It’s our Bubba. So much of the story is not mine to tell, but the...

Keep Reading

We Aren’t Holding Her Back—We’re Giving Her More Time

In: Kids

When we decided to give our preschooler another year before kindergarten, I thought the hardest part would be explaining it to other people. I was wrong. The hardest part was the afternoon her teacher asked to talk. In that split second in the pick-up line, my heart sank. I assumed the worst. I braced myself for a conversation about behavior, about something we had somehow missed, about whether her strong personality was causing problems. Instead, it became the moment that confirmed what we already knew. We were not holding her back. We were giving her time. Our daughter is bright....

Keep Reading

A Life Lived Differently Is Not a Life Less Lived

In: Kids

My life changed on that beautiful autumn day. The thing is, nothing really happened. Not really. My life kind of went on as usual. A fly on the wall might even say it was a great day. I brought my 3-year-old son to an animal farm for a Halloween event. He was quirky as usual and a bit ornery that day. Aloof. “Come feed the baby animals,” I pleaded. No, thank you. Crowds of excited children? Absolutely not. Buckets of candy? You can keep them. My heart ached watching my beautiful, blonde-haired boy wander into a field alone, away from...

Keep Reading

Enjoy the Ride, Kid

In: Kids

Two people running up from the water at the beach

Last night I watched an episode of Shrinking. If you haven’t jumped into the series yet, it’s one of those that hits the heart hard- at least for me. The episode centered on the birth of a baby, while one of the characters grappled with the closing years of life. Spoiler alert: as the elder of the group cradled this new life in his arms, bridging generations across the hospital room, the moment of realization of how fast life goes hit like a ton of bricks. “Enjoy the ride, kid.” The final words of this episode are sitting with me,...

Keep Reading

Mommy, Will You Play With Me?

In: Kids, Motherhood

With four kids at three different schools, our days are full. Between sports practices, music lessons, clubs, rehearsals, games, meets, and playdates, it feels like we’re constantly heading somewhere. I love that my children are involved in activities, but occasionally, it’s nice to have some downtime. When I get a text or email that a practice has been canceled, it’s usually a huge relief. Last week, after-school sports were cancelled due to heavy rain. When I picked up my youngest son from school, I told him we’d be going straight home for the rest of the afternoon. He looked surprised....

Keep Reading

Could We Take a Page from the ’80s and Stop Overparenting?

In: Kids, Motherhood

I have a confession: Yesterday I let my 11-year-old play with fire. Like literally. We live in the country, there is still wet snow on the ground, and he’s done it with his dad at least 20 times. But yesterday was the fifth consecutive day of no school, and probably the twentieth consecutive day of him asking to have a small fire without dad. Part of me did it out of laziness. Part of me did it out of selfishness. And part of me did it out of nostalgia. Here’s the thing—when I was 11, I was already babysitting (like...

Keep Reading

A Big Brother Is His Little Sister’s First Friend

In: Kids

Big brother and little sister smiling at each other

He doesn’t remember the day she came home.But she has never known a world without him. From the beginning, he was there first. The first to reach for her hand. The first to explain the rules. The first to decide what was fair and what absolutely was not. He didn’t know he was being assigned a role. He just stepped into it. Big brother. She followed him everywhere. Into rooms she technically wasn’t invited into. Into games she didn’t fully understand. Into stories she insisted on hearing again and again. She wanted to do what he did, say what he...

Keep Reading

7 Is the Bridge Between Little and Big Kid

In: Kids

I was in the middle of the post-holiday clean-up chaos when something hit me. My oldest daughter is seven, and while it feels like an age that doesn’t get talked about much, it really is turning out to be such a sweet spot. It hit me as we were redesigning her room. A change that occurred when she broke my mama-heart a few weeks prior by saying she didn’t think she wanted a princess room anymore. While everything in me wanted to try to convince her to keep it, stay small and sweet just a little longer, I knew I...

Keep Reading

So God Made a Gymnast

In: Kids

God made a gymnast with fearless grace, strength in her heart, and a fire in her spirit. He molded her courage, steady and true, and quietly whispered, “We believe in you.” He taught her balance when life feels chaotic and messy, to leap into her faith and stick each landing just right. When she stumbles, He is always right there to help her rise back up with faith in her soul and a spark in her eyes. Each floor routine with the grace of a swan; each move is a dream, all built on dedication and grit. God made her...

Keep Reading

Here's Why Little Kids Need Big Dogs

Kids

Here's Why Little Kids Need Big Dogs

Beyond "My Mom Did Direct Sales": Here's How it Affected My Childhood

Kids

What to do When Motherhood Isn’t Fulfilling

If you liked this, you'll love our book, SO GOD MADE A GRANDMA

Hannah Carpenter

Robotics Kids Are Building More than You Can See

Foster Care Kids Are Worth Fighting for

We Aren’t Holding Her Back—We’re Giving Her More Time

A Life Lived Differently Is Not a Life Less Lived

Enjoy the Ride, Kid

Mommy, Will You Play With Me?

Could We Take a Page from the ’80s and Stop Overparenting?

A Big Brother Is His Little Sister’s First Friend

7 Is the Bridge Between Little and Big Kid

So God Made a Gymnast

Get It Now

So God Made a Mother

What to do When Motherhood Isn’t Fulfilling

If you liked this, you'll love our book, SO GOD MADE A GRANDMA

Robotics Kids Are Building More than You Can See

Foster Care Kids Are Worth Fighting for

We Aren’t Holding Her Back—We’re Giving Her More Time

A Life Lived Differently Is Not a Life Less Lived

Enjoy the Ride, Kid

Mommy, Will You Play With Me?

Could We Take a Page from the ’80s and Stop Overparenting?

A Big Brother Is His Little Sister’s First Friend

7 Is the Bridge Between Little and Big Kid

So God Made a Gymnast

Previous Post

Next Post

You May Also Like