“Mommy just cannot get your silly little cowlick to behave,” I laughed as I added water to the comb and went back to work on the blonde-haired boy sitting on the counter in front of me.

It’s true, our son has the strangest (and most endearing) cowlick on the top of his head that equates to some sort of lopsided mohawk. It’s also true that for the life of me, I can’t ever get it to “behave” no matter how much I comb it. It’s a good thing the kid likes hats, because that’s often our go-to solution.

My husband and I are teasers—it’s in our DNA—and while I don’t think there’s anything wrong with that playfulness in and of itself, it occurred to me today that maybe, just maybe, teasing our sons about their appearances may not be the best decision.

Our sweet boy is just a toddler, but the realization struck me that were it a three-year-old girl sitting in front of me with a unique quirk of any sort, I’d inherently be more sensitive about how I referred to it. I’d probably be more strategic with my approach so as to preemptively squash any self-consciousness that said quirk would likely bring her down the road. I’d certainly make sure she knew she was beautiful inside and out and that regardless of anything else, her appearance would never be the most important thing about her.

But here I was, staring down at my blue-eyed boy, teasing him about this characteristic that is uniquely his; one that makes my heart smile with pride and smirk with humor all at once.

And while he joins me in giggling back at his reflection for the time being, there may come a day when that changes. One day when he’s older, he might wake to look in the mirror and curse that unruly patch on the top of his head for not fitting in with his definition of “normal” of “attractive”.

As a former middle school teacher, I’ve been around enough preteen boys to know that the male gender isn’t immune to body image issues. While in the classroom I saw more than one head hung low in response to a fresh pimple and smelled more than one individual over-doused in Axe body spray in an attempt to cover up the stench that puberty delivered seemingly overnight.

I’ve seen enough evidence to know that there’s likely to be a phase in our future when we might as well buy stock in hair gel for all of the overuse our boy with the “silly cowlick” will succumb to in order to try to hide his quirk.

My experience tells me that self-consciousness doesn’t skip over the male variety, and that they are often as critical of themselves as their female peers, albeit in a more private fashion. Behind the guy-to-guy teasing and the playful jabs to their buddies’ shoulder, there are young men who are trying to find their place in the world.

So why then, do we tend to focus solely on body confidence for girls?

Why do we choose our words and actions carefully when addressing young women, while failing to give young men the same consideration?

Why are there so many articles, books, and tips geared towards building confidence in our daughters, but so few addressing the same for our sons?

And the biggest question of all: what are we going to do about it?

I don’t have all of the answers, but I do know that as parents, it starts with us.

It starts with being mindful of how we verbalize our sons’ characteristics.

It starts with giving the same thought to what we teach our sons about body image as we do to what we tell our daughters.

It starts with finding things to playfully banter with our sons about that don’t include their looks.

Most of all, it starts with teaching our sons that although they’re handsome both inside and out, their appearance will never be the most important thing about them. . . and making sure that they believe it.

So God Made a Mother book by Leslie Means

If you liked this, you'll love our book, SO GOD MADE A MOTHER available now!

Order Now

Check out our new Keepsake Companion Journal that pairs with our So God Made a Mother book!

Order Now
So God Made a Mother's Story Keepsake Journal

Casey Huff

Casey is Creative Director for Her View From Home. She's mom to three amazing kiddos and wife to a great guy. It's her mission as a writer to shed light on the beauty and chaos of life through the lenses of motherhood, marriage, and mental health. To read more, go hang out with Casey at: Facebook: Casey Huff Instagram: @casey.e.huff

Our Kids Need Us as Much as We Need Them

In: Kids, Motherhood
Little boy sitting on bench with dog nearby, color photo

During a moment of sadness last week, my lively and joyful toddler voluntarily sat with me on the couch, holding hands and snuggling for a good hour. This brought comfort and happiness to the situation. At that moment, I realized sometimes our kids need us, sometimes we need them, and sometimes we need each other at the same time. Kids need us. From the moment they enter the world, infants express their needs through tiny (or loud) cries. Toddlers need lots of cuddling as their brains try to comprehend black, white, and all the colors of the expanding world around...

Keep Reading

Your Kids Don’t Need More Things, They Need More You

In: Faith, Kids, Motherhood
Mother and young girl smiling together at home

He reached for my hand and then looked up. His sweet smile and lingering gaze flooded my weary heart with much-needed peace. “Thank you for taking me to the library, Mommy! It’s like we’re on a date! I like it when it’s just the two of us.” We entered the library, hand in hand, and headed toward the LEGO table. As I began gathering books nearby, I was surprised to feel my son’s arms around me. He gave me a quick squeeze and a kiss with an “I love you, Mommy” before returning to his LEGO—three separate times. My typically...

Keep Reading

This Time In the Passenger Seat is Precious

In: Kids, Motherhood, Teen
Teen driver with parent in passenger seat

When you’re parenting preteens and teens, it sometimes feels like you are an unpaid Uber driver. It can be a thankless job. During busy seasons, I spend 80 percent of my evenings driving, parking, dropping off, picking up, sitting in traffic, running errands, waiting in drive-thru lines. I say things like buckle your seat belt, turn that music down a little bit, take your trash inside, stop yelling—we are in the car, keep your hands to yourself, don’t make me turn this car around, get your feet off the back of the seat, this car is not a trash can,...

Keep Reading

So God Made My Daughter a Wrestler

In: Kids, Motherhood
Young female wrestler wearing mouth guard and wrestling singlet

God made my girl a wrestler. Gosh, those are words I would never have thought I would say or be so insanely proud to share with you. But I am. I know with 100 percent certainty and overwhelming pride that God made my girl a wrestler. But it’s been a journey. Probably one that started in the spring of 2010 when I was pregnant with my first baby and having the 20-week anatomy ultrasound. I remember hearing the word “girl” and squealing. I was over the moon excited—all I could think about were hair bows and cute outfits. And so...

Keep Reading

A Big Family Can Mean Big Feelings

In: Faith, Kids, Motherhood
Family with many kids holding hands on beach

I’m a mother of six. Some are biological, and some are adopted. I homeschool most of them. I’m a “trauma momma” with my own mental health struggles. My husband and I together are raising children who have their own mental illnesses and special needs. Not all of them, but many of them. I battle thoughts of anxiety and OCD daily. I exercise, eat decently, take meds and supplements, yet I still have to go to battle. The new year has started slow and steady. Our younger kids who are going to public school are doing great in their classes and...

Keep Reading

You May Be a Big Brother, but You’ll Always Be My Baby

In: Kids, Motherhood
Mother with young son, color photo

It seems like yesterday we were bringing you home from the hospital. Back then, we were new parents, clueless but full of love—a love that words can hardly explain. I can vividly recall holding you in my arms, rocking you in the cutest nursery, and singing sweet lullabies, just like yesterday. I can picture those times when you were teeny-tiny, doing tummy time, and how proud I was of you for lifting your head. And oh, the happiness on your face when “Baby Shark” played over and over—that song always made you smile! We made sure to capture your growth...

Keep Reading

“It Looks and Tastes Like Candy.” Mom Shares Warning about THC Gummies All Parents Need to Hear

In: Kids, Living, Teen
Hand holding bottle of THC gummies

What Aimee Larsen first thought was a stomach bug turned out to be something much more terrifying for her young son. Her 9-year-old woke up one day last week seeming “lethargic, barely able to stand or speak,” his mom shared in a Facebook post. At first, she assumed he had a virus, but something about his behavior just didn’t seem right. She called an ambulance and asked her older sons if their brother might have gotten into something, like cough syrup or another over-the-counter medicine. Their answer? “Yeah, THC gummies.” THC gummies are an edible form of cannabis that contain...

Keep Reading

My Child with Special Needs Made His Own Way in His Own Time

In: Kids, Motherhood
Mother holding child's hand walking across street

I want to tell you the story of a little boy who came to live with me when he was three years old. Some of you may find this story familiar in your own life. Your little boy or girl may have grown inside you and shares your DNA or maybe they came into your life much older than three. This little boy, this special child, my precious gift has special needs. Just five short years ago, he was a bit mean and angry, he said few understandable words, and there was a lot about this world he didn’t understand. Unless...

Keep Reading

Dear Daughter as You Grow into Yourself

In: Kids, Motherhood, Tween
Girl in hat and dress-up clothes, color photo

My daughter, I watched you stand in front of the mirror, turning your body left and right. Your skirt was too big and your top on backward. Your bright blue eyeshadow reached your eyebrows and bold red blush went up to your ears. You didn’t care. I watched you marvel at your body, feeling completely at ease in your skin. You turned and admired yourself with pride. You don’t see imperfections. You don’t see things you are lacking. You see goodness. You see strength. RELATED: Daughter, When You Look in the Mirror, This is What I Hope You See I’m...

Keep Reading

Organized Sports Aren’t Everything

In: Kids, Motherhood
Young girl with Alpaca, color photo

Today I watched my little girl walk an alpaca. His name is Captain. Captain is her favorite. He’s my favorite too. I met his owner on Instagram of all places. She thought I was in college; I thought she was a middle-aged woman. Turns out, she is in high school, and I am a middle-aged woman. This random meeting led to a blessing. We call it “llama lessons.” We take llama lessons every other week. It’s an hour away on the cutest hobby farm. Our “teacher” is Flora, who boards her llamas at the alpaca farm. She wants to teach...

Keep Reading