So God Made a Mother is Here! 🎉

After unexpectedly losing my husband in May, I think it’s more than fair to say I have had many hard days. I’ve also had many “just okay” days and, despite it all, I’ve had a few good days as well.

One of the hardest days along the way came when I was trying to organize our storage rooms and came across my perfectly preserved wedding dress. So what did I do? I ripped it open, tried it on (it actually zipped, yippee!) and then I sat in it and cried for the rest of the day.

I was the happiest girl on the planet the last time I wore that dress. Now, I found myself more depressed than ever while wearing it—being faced with the reality of no longer having the husband that I married when I wore it.

Husband and wife kiss on their wedding day

When the tears finally quit, I got to thinking about how crazy I would look to someone if they showed up knocking at my door and I was sitting in my living room in my wedding dress on a Monday afternoon, drinking a Busch light. I mean, classy right?

Then I remembered the iconic Friends episode where Monica, Rachel and Phoebe sat around in their dresses and drank beers and just felt beautiful for the day. That’s when I messaged the photographer that we had for our wedding. I was thrilled when she was just as excited about the idea as I was! She told me to invite some friends, and if no one showed up we could still take a few fun ones with just me in my dress.

When eight girls showed up in their wedding gowns last night to just be silly and drink beers and eat pizza with me, I think I was the happiest bride on the planet again! We shared wedding memories, compared stains on our dresses, and laughed so hard we cried. It was so much fun to let loose and just be silly for no reason at all. And we all got to wear our expensive dresses and feel like princesses again—BONUS!

I will say I definitely have hard days, but last night was by far the happiest one I’ve had in months. I’m reminded again of just how blessed I truly am.

Wedding dress photo shoot with bride and friends
Miranda Helmuth Photography
Wedding dress photo shoot with bride and friends
Miranda Helmuth Photography
Wedding dress photo shoot with bride and friends
Miranda Helmuth Photography

Husband and wife with son

Husband and wifeWords from Katie Swantek, professional photos by Miranda Helmuth Photography

 

So God Made a Mother book by Leslie Means

If you liked this, you'll love our new book, SO GOD MADE A MOTHER available now!

Order Now

Her View From Home

Millions of mothers connected by love, friendship, family and faith. Join our growing community. 1,000+ writers strong. We pay too!   Find more information on how you can become a writer on Her View From Home at https://herviewfromhome.com/contact-us/write-for-her//

It’s the Flower Food Packet that Hurts

In: Grief, Loss, Motherhood
Flowers on a headstone

It’s the flower food packet that gets you. That little plastic packet with the powder that keeps your flowers alive longer. The little packet you know you’ll never use because these flowers aren’t going in a vase. They’re going on the ground. RELATED: The Impossible Grief of Child Loss Hurts Forever Buying flowers for my baby’s grave is a normal process for me. Every so often, and especially around the time of year we lost our boy, I grab a bunch at our local grocer. I lay them carefully on top of where his very tiny body was laid to...

Keep Reading

How Do You Say Goodbye to Your Mother?

In: Grief, Loss
Sad woman sitting on edge of bed

Sitting at a McDonald’s table in Charleston, SC, I looked down at my ill-fitting shirt and shorts. Stress had taken its toll, and most of my clothes now hung off me. I should have worn something else I thought, but how do you pick out an outfit for saying goodbye to your mother? I reached up and felt my earrings. They were hers and seemed right. That was something at least.   Within the hour, my family and I would come together to take my mom off life support. It was Good Friday and I managed to secure an Episcopal priest...

Keep Reading

This Is How to Show Up for a Friend Who Has Cancer

In: Cancer, Friendship, Living
Bald woman during cancer treatments and same woman in remission, color photo

One moment I was wrestling with my toddler and rocking my 3-month-old to sleep, and the next I was staring blankly at the doctor who just told me I had stage four cancer that had metastasized from my uterus to my left lung and spleen. “Well, I didn’t see that coming,” I smiled at the young doctor who had clearly never given this kind of news to anyone before. I looked over at my husband’s shell-shocked face as he rocked our baby back and forth in the baby carrier because I was still nursing, and we knew we’d be at...

Keep Reading

All I Have Left Are Dreams of My Mother

In: Grief, Loss, Motherhood
Mother holding infant, older color photo

I had a dream about my mom last night. It’s rare when this happens but last night’s dream was unlike any I’ve ever experienced. I was at a party, and she just walked in. It was so vivid. She sat down in a chair, looking so beautiful, so young, her eyes so very blue. She was so full of light, something I hadn’t seen in a while. I just looked at her, stunned, and gasped. I said, “Are you here? Are you real?” I couldn’t believe this was happening. Just like that she got up, grabbed me, and hugged me...

Keep Reading

I Miss the Little Moments with My Mom the Most

In: Grief, Grown Children, Loss
Woman sitting on floor by couch looking sad

You think it’s going to be the big holidays that are hard. The first Thanksgiving without her. The first Christmas. Maybe even her birthday. But it’s not the big days that bring you to your knees. It’s all the little moments in between. It’s cooking a family recipe and not being able to call her to ask a question about the directions. It’s looking down and realizing you’re using the Tupperware you stole from her and knowing you can’t return it even if you wanted to. RELATED: My Mom is Never Coming Back To Get Her Shoes It’s talking about...

Keep Reading

“It Can Wait.” What I’ve Learned about Doing Too Much after My Mom Died Young

In: Grief
Family posed for photo outside

My mom died at the age of 45. Yes, just 45.  Around Mother’s Day, the reality of just how young she was hits me hard. As a mother of two young boys, I’m evaluating my own motherhood journey and in the absence of my mom, trying to give myself some sound advice for this next year.  My mom was a family doctor. She got her MD at the University of Pennsylvania and a Master’s from Johns Hopkins University. Brilliant, most would say. She was in generally good health, petite, never smoked, never had more than a glass or two of...

Keep Reading

Time Doesn’t Make Mother’s Day Hurt Any Less

In: Grief, Grown Children, Living
Grave stone that says "mother" with a yellow flower

I’ve been in this motherless daughter club for over a decade now. Most of the time, that still seems strange to say out loud. I’m far from the firsts without my mom. However, what I have learned, is that there are certain experiences, certain days, and certain moments that you can’t put a timeframe on. These are the times that hurt for so much longer than just that initial grief period. Big moments without my mom—anniversaries, birthdays, special days—but the one I like to believe weighs the most and hits the hardest year after year is Mother’s Day. RELATED: Mother’s...

Keep Reading

Can You Hear the Silent Cry of Bereaved Postpartum Mothers?

In: Baby, Grief, Loss
Crib in nursery

Trigger warning: post discusses death and loss The cool air shocked my sweltering face as I walked into the doors of Old Navy. My husband kept his hand on my back to remind me he was still with me amidst the summer hustle that was buzzing in the store. We were there for a shirt. A single shirt.  An embarrassing want that I was calling a need. I thought I would actually laugh at the situation once I got out of the house for the first time in a week.  Seven days before, I was lying on my back in...

Keep Reading

I’m Happy for You But I’m Still Grieving: Remarriage after Loss

In: Grief, Grown Children, Loss, Marriage
Coupe holding hands at wedding, close up black and white image

“I take you for my lawful wife, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and health, until death does us part.” Remarriage is beautiful and redemptive. Remarriage proves that second chances are possible and that love doesn’t come in one specific shape or size. Remarriage is the embrace of hope as much as it is of love. Remarriage shows that love is still possible through heartbreak. But let’s face it, when you aren’t the one remarrying, remarriage can be a little awkward. Add in that you are the progeny...

Keep Reading

On the Days I Miss You Most

In: Grief, Loss
Toddler girl at cemetery, color photo

Holidays. Birthdays. The day they physically left us. These are the ones that hit the hardest—the toughest days. But they are also the expected ones, which makes it just the slightest bit more manageable. It’s the ones you don’t see coming that absolutely break you. The ones that come from way out in leftfield and hit you like a ton of bricks. The ones that force you to grieve all over again, something you never thought you would have to do. It’s when my daughter is happily sitting in a church pew reading her prayers when I wish they were...

Keep Reading