Kids Motherhood Relationships

I Miss My Mom Squad

I Miss My Mom Squad www.herviewfromhome.com
Written by Alissa Kay

Let me just start by saying that moving sucks. We had movers pack us and it was still awful. I’m sure a lot less so because those movers were amazing. Although, we are building and currently in temp housing and those boxes that the movers so kindly packed for us are currently in storage. But I’m trusting that they packed them well. If not, it’s okay because I didn’t have to do the work. It was so much work. As a family of five, we had a lot of stuff! Regardless, moving is a lot of work and can cause a lot of stress. It’s also something most everyone can relate to, so clearly, I’m not sharing any deep dark secrets here. You all get it.

This was our first move as parents. We have 3 young kids (7, 5 and almost 3). I was feeling so guilty that we were essentially ripping them away from everything they knew. It was their home. The only place they ever lived. It’s the place where all their friends lived. It’s the school where they learned so much and loved the teachers. I was forcing them out of all their activities – music class, dance class, little league, soccer etc. When you move, especially out of state, you essentially have to start over. I hated that we were doing that to our kids.

I knew it was going to be hard on me too. Trust me, I had plenty of tears leading up to the big move. But my biggest concern was my kids. I wanted the transition to be as smooth as possible for them. I wanted to take away their pain and fears about leaving so I focused on them. Guess what? Kids are resilient. You probably already knew that too. My kids have been wonderful. There’s been rough spots along the way and I’m sure there will be more to come. But overall? They have handled this move with so much grace. I could learn a lot from them.

What I didn’t know was how much I was going to miss my mom squad. I knew I was going to miss them. Obviously. But those feelings go way deeper than what I expected. Especially since their friendship continues and I’m on the outside looking in. Of course, that’s the way it should be. But it stings that I’m not there to be part of their daily lives. Some of those moms and I met when our first born were babies and many I met along the way. I saw some of them almost daily and others not nearly enough. I could count on any of them for anything. They made the good days better and the hard days bearable. I don’t know that I could have mommed without them. Except now I’m doing it because I moved and they’re no longer an arm’s length away. It’s hard. We did things together during the day with our kids and we went out at night without our kids to recharge.

Thank goodness for phone calls, texting and Facebook so we can easily keep in touch. Unfortunately, it’s not the same. I love hanging out with my youngest all day, every day. She’s a fun girl and knows how to make me laugh. As much as I love her, spending time with an almost 3-year-old is not the same as getting together with mom friends.

My school aged kids have had zero problem making friends. Maybe they’re more fun than I am! It’s true. They are. I am so thankful that they are making friends and fitting in at their new school. Making friends as a mom isn’t as easy as I thought it was going to be. I seriously didn’t think it would be this hard. Approaching someone feels as awkward as a blind date. Since I met my husband when we were 18, I really didn’t do the whole dating thing. Maybe if I had, it would have helped me in my quest for a new mom squad.

I’m realizing I need mom friends. While I will never ever forget those women who got me through the first 7 plus years of mommin’, I also realize I can’t cling to them forever. It’s not realistic to have all your friends living 6 hours away. I need a new group because having that friendship, the adult conversation and a chance to recharge makes me a better mom. My kids deserve the best mom I can be. I’m trying. I’ve joined a MOPS group. I hang out at the library and keep my eyes out for other moms. I’ve gone to PTO meetings. All my old tricks are failing me. I know I need to give it more time for genuine friendships to form. Since I’m still in need, I can’t offer up any advice other than having friends is an important part of surviving motherhood, so find some friends! I will gladly accept advice and friendship and if any of my friends from my former tribe want to move closer to me, please do. I might even help you pack. Not really, (remember moving is awful!) but I do have a group of movers I can recommend. I will welcome you with open arms even if it’s just for a visit.

About the author

Alissa Kay

Alissa was born and raised in the Midwest and currently calls Wisconsin home. She’s happily married to her college sweetheart and she’s living out her dreams of being a stay-at-home mom. Although, let’s be real, she’s hardly ever home. She’s the mom to 3 kids who all came to her via adoption. A boy (8) and 2 girls (6 and almost 4!). The kids keep her plenty busy, but when she has free time she enjoys a night out with friends or curling up with a good book.

2 Comments

  • Thank you! This is me currently and had a baby 9 mo ago and I have ppd. I find myself having to not even go “there” … thinking of the women who know me the most back in Chicago where we lived and did ministry. Thank you for this post and your adoption ones- my sisters and I are adopted and it’s a hard but beautiful thing.