The night before my boys were born, I packed this book in my overnight suitcase.
I tucked it under their blankies and their going-home outfits (both ended up being too big). It was under all the “necessary postpartum must-haves” and also a bottle of chilled champagne.
Long after the family and friends went home for the night and I lay there, in my hospital bed, first with Nick and then a few years later with Dom, overwhelmed with joy and fear and gratitude and pain—and maybe a Dixie cup of champagne—I quietly read my son’s this book.
I cried.
Maybe it was the hormones.
Maybe it was the fear.
Maybe it was the gratitude but I think then—it was the simple thought that this tiny human, this small bundle, one day would grow and I was responsible.
I prayed that night, “God please don’t let him grow too fast.”
The days often feel so long, but the years, they’re going fast, aren’t they?
A few months after Dom was born, Mike and I received the news that I had cancer.
It was Stage 4 and they would need to begin treatment immediately.
There wasn’t much time to process our new normal, and shortly before treatment one night, I found myself on Nick’s bed, kinda numb, tucking him in for the night, Mike holding Dom.
And again, I quietly read the book.
I cried.
This time among all the words, and the pages of the story were my quiet prayers and tears.
“God please let me be here to watch them grow up.”
Last night, my younger son picked out the book.
I don’t know why.
It was tucked on the bottom of the shelf, forgotten. Hidden away.
And as I read the words and cried, I prayed, “Thank you God for the gift of watching them grow up. Thank you for the messy moments and the hard moments. Thank you for this moment with Dom’s arms around me.”
Seasons of motherhood are hard.
Seasons of motherhood are messy and complicated and sometimes downright exhausting.
But no moment is guaranteed.
The simple truth is…
I am here.
I get to be their mom.
I am watching them grow.
And above all…
I get to love them forever, my babies they will always be.
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Hey all! I am Katy Ursta married to my college sweetheart for 12 years, a mom of two boys, and a stage four cancer survivor. I started writing as a way of coping with my diagnosis, but found the more I shared about cancer, the more universal cancer became, and the more connected I felt to others and the less isolated I felt through the struggle. I own a virtual health and wellness company and commit to helping my clients find a deeper motivation to fight for their own health.
When I am not in the stands of my sons' hockey games, I am usually found folding the never ending piles of laundry, looking for the matching sock, breaking up hockey fights, or (let's just be honest) with my hand buried in the bag of chocolate, asking the question, "what do you want for dinner?" You can find more of my work on instagram @katy_ursta or on my website, katyursta.com
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