Dear parents,

Please let your kids fail.

Don’t get me wrong, I love my students. In fact, one of my cheesy hallmark phrases, when asked who my favorite students are, is “I love all of my students equally.” It’s because I love them that I want you to let them fail, and it’s because I want to see them succeed that I want you to let them fail.

I teach seniors. Seniors who need to pass my class in order to don their cap and gown, walk across the stage, and get their diploma at the end of the year.

And every year, there are a few who don’t get to do that because they didn’t pass my class. And every year, I’m made to feel like the bad guy. How dare I not bump their grade up? How dare I let them fail? Because as the teacher, it must be my fault.

At the beginning of every school year, I tell my students that I don’t bump grades (you’d be surprised how many teachers do). In my class, they need to do the work. If they’re struggling, I will do everything I can throughout the school year to help them, but there is a difference between struggling with the material and just not doing the work.

At the end of every school year, I have students who can’t believe that I’m true to my word. Somewhere along the line, they’ve learned that things will be handed to them if they beg hard enough. If they’re cute enough. If they’re popular enough. If they’re good enough at sports. They’re devastated when they learn that I’m not going to just hand them points that they didn’t earn.

You wouldn’t believe how often I have parents contact me for the first time in May asking what their kid can do to graduate. My honest answer in May? Buy a time machine.

Sometimes, close enough just doesn’t cut it. You have to put in the work if you want the results, and you have to fail to learn what happens when you don’t put in the work. When kids are given space to fail at the little things, they learn the skills they need to overcome failure.

It would be great if students learned this before they got to my classroom at 18 years old before it’s a diploma that’s on the line.

I know it’s hard to see your kids struggle but please, for their own good, give them space to do so.

Let them miss out on a playdate because they didn’t clean their room. Let them figure out what to do when they forget to put their uniform in the wash. Let them get a bad grade on a project that they put off until the night before.

I’m a mom; I get it. It’s so much easier in the moment to come to their rescue than it is to watch them suffer, but this doesn’t help them in the long run. Kids need to learn that there are consequences to their actions. You’d be surprised how many high schoolers don’t understand that concept.

So parents, please let them fail at the little stuff. Don’t always swoop in and save the day. Use failure as a teacher so they can learn how to handle adversity. Be their guide. Love them. Comfort them. Stand up for them.

Help them, but don’t do everything for them.

It’s not all about grades. I hope my students learn how to think critically, to question new information, to communicate well, to be a good digital citizen, to be responsible for their actions, to advocate for their rights, to be kind humans. But the way our education system works, in order to get that diploma, they need that grade.

When kids think that failure isn’t an option because nobody has ever let them fail before, or because they’ve gotten things handed to them in the past because of their name, race, athletic ability, etc. they’re shocked when I don’t bump their grade. So please, teach them that they’re not immune to failure before they get to me.

And if you see that their grades are low during senior year, don’t wait until May to help them do something about it.

So God Made a Mother book by Leslie Means

If you liked this, you'll love our book, SO GOD MADE A MOTHER available now!

Order Now

Check out our new Keepsake Companion Journal that pairs with our So God Made a Mother book!

Order Now
So God Made a Mother's Story Keepsake Journal

Her View From Home

Millions of mothers connected by love, friendship, family and faith. Join our growing community. 1,000+ writers strong. We pay too!   Find more information on how you can become a writer on Her View From Home at https://herviewfromhome.com/contact-us/write-for-her//

This Time In the Passenger Seat is Precious

In: Kids, Motherhood, Teen
Teen driver with parent in passenger seat

When you’re parenting preteens and teens, it sometimes feels like you are an unpaid Uber driver. It can be a thankless job. During busy seasons, I spend 80 percent of my evenings driving, parking, dropping off, picking up, sitting in traffic, running errands, waiting in drive-thru lines. I say things like buckle your seat belt, turn that music down a little bit, take your trash inside, stop yelling—we are in the car, keep your hands to yourself, don’t make me turn this car around, get your feet off the back of the seat, this car is not a trash can,...

Keep Reading

So God Made My Daughter a Wrestler

In: Kids, Motherhood
Young female wrestler wearing mouth guard and wrestling singlet

God made my girl a wrestler. Gosh, those are words I would never have thought I would say or be so insanely proud to share with you. But I am. I know with 100 percent certainty and overwhelming pride that God made my girl a wrestler. But it’s been a journey. Probably one that started in the spring of 2010 when I was pregnant with my first baby and having the 20-week anatomy ultrasound. I remember hearing the word “girl” and squealing. I was over the moon excited—all I could think about were hair bows and cute outfits. And so...

Keep Reading

A Big Family Can Mean Big Feelings

In: Faith, Kids, Motherhood
Family with many kids holding hands on beach

I’m a mother of six. Some are biological, and some are adopted. I homeschool most of them. I’m a “trauma momma” with my own mental health struggles. My husband and I together are raising children who have their own mental illnesses and special needs. Not all of them, but many of them. I battle thoughts of anxiety and OCD daily. I exercise, eat decently, take meds and supplements, yet I still have to go to battle. The new year has started slow and steady. Our younger kids who are going to public school are doing great in their classes and...

Keep Reading

You May Be a Big Brother, but You’ll Always Be My Baby

In: Kids, Motherhood
Mother with young son, color photo

It seems like yesterday we were bringing you home from the hospital. Back then, we were new parents, clueless but full of love—a love that words can hardly explain. I can vividly recall holding you in my arms, rocking you in the cutest nursery, and singing sweet lullabies, just like yesterday. I can picture those times when you were teeny-tiny, doing tummy time, and how proud I was of you for lifting your head. And oh, the happiness on your face when “Baby Shark” played over and over—that song always made you smile! We made sure to capture your growth...

Keep Reading

“It Looks and Tastes Like Candy.” Mom Shares Warning about THC Gummies All Parents Need to Hear

In: Kids, Living, Teen
Hand holding bottle of THC gummies

What Aimee Larsen first thought was a stomach bug turned out to be something much more terrifying for her young son. Her 9-year-old woke up one day last week seeming “lethargic, barely able to stand or speak,” his mom shared in a Facebook post. At first, she assumed he had a virus, but something about his behavior just didn’t seem right. She called an ambulance and asked her older sons if their brother might have gotten into something, like cough syrup or another over-the-counter medicine. Their answer? “Yeah, THC gummies.” THC gummies are an edible form of cannabis that contain...

Keep Reading

Dear Daughter as You Grow into Yourself

In: Kids, Motherhood, Tween
Girl in hat and dress-up clothes, color photo

My daughter, I watched you stand in front of the mirror, turning your body left and right. Your skirt was too big and your top on backward. Your bright blue eyeshadow reached your eyebrows and bold red blush went up to your ears. You didn’t care. I watched you marvel at your body, feeling completely at ease in your skin. You turned and admired yourself with pride. You don’t see imperfections. You don’t see things you are lacking. You see goodness. You see strength. RELATED: Daughter, When You Look in the Mirror, This is What I Hope You See I’m...

Keep Reading

My Child with Special Needs Made His Own Way in His Own Time

In: Kids, Motherhood
Mother holding child's hand walking across street

I want to tell you the story of a little boy who came to live with me when he was three years old. Some of you may find this story familiar in your own life. Your little boy or girl may have grown inside you and shares your DNA or maybe they came into your life much older than three. This little boy, this special child, my precious gift has special needs. Just five short years ago, he was a bit mean and angry, he said few understandable words, and there was a lot about this world he didn’t understand. Unless...

Keep Reading

Organized Sports Aren’t Everything

In: Kids, Motherhood
Young girl with Alpaca, color photo

Today I watched my little girl walk an alpaca. His name is Captain. Captain is her favorite. He’s my favorite too. I met his owner on Instagram of all places. She thought I was in college; I thought she was a middle-aged woman. Turns out, she is in high school, and I am a middle-aged woman. This random meeting led to a blessing. We call it “llama lessons.” We take llama lessons every other week. It’s an hour away on the cutest hobby farm. Our “teacher” is Flora, who boards her llamas at the alpaca farm. She wants to teach...

Keep Reading

I Had to Learn to Say “I’m Sorry” to My Kids

In: Kids, Motherhood, Teen, Tween
Mom hugs tween daughter

My two oldest kiddos are at the front end of their teen years. I remember that time in my own life. I was loud, somewhat dramatic, I let my hormones control me, and I never—ever—apologized. This last part was because no one ever really taught me the value of apology or relationship repair. Now, I could do some parent blaming here but let’s be real, if you were a kid whose formative years were scattered between the late ’80s and early ’90s, did you get apologies from your parents? If so, count that blessing! Most parents were still living with...

Keep Reading

5 Things Your Child’s Kindergarten Teacher Wants You To Know

In: Kids, Motherhood
Child raising hand in kindergarten class

I am a teacher. I have committed my life to teaching children. Of course, before I began this career, I had visions of standing in front of a group of eager-eyed children and elaborating on history, science, and math lessons. I couldn’t wait to see the “lightbulb” moments when students finally understood a reading passage or wrote their first paper. And then I had my first day. Children are not cut out of a textbook (shocking, I know) but as a young 23-year-old, it knocked me right off my feet. I was thrown into the lion’s den, better known as...

Keep Reading