Pre-Order So God Made a Mother

I had an appointment today with my OB/GYN. (Nope, not pregnant—I’m well beyond childbearing years.) 

With me in the waiting room sat a couple—clearly eager first time parents—flipping through pregnancy magazines and looking anxious and excited. When I got to my exam room, I realized they were in the room right next to mine, as I could hear their muffled voices and nervous laughter.

And then I heard the most magical sound in the world.

Thump thump. Thump thump. Thump thump. Thump thump.

It was the loud and unmistakable sound of their baby’s heartbeat coming through on the fetal doppler.

As I listened, I took a deep breath filled with gratitude that I was once lucky enough to hear that sound from my own womb, then I smiled—remembering how 20 years ago I first heard the sound of that sweet beat, and how it filled my soul like nothing else had before. It filled my soul with instant and immeasurable joy.

And then in a split second my smile faded, replaced with a frown and thoughts of all the soul crushing things modern mothering has in store for that first-time mom in the room next to mine.

That how raising a child these days—days full of sanctimonious social media and ever vigilant mom shaming, of being under the scrutinizing and suffocating microscope of anyone and everyone—is going to crush her spirit and her soul.

Crush it.

That joyful sound will soon be a distant memory, replaced with this . . . 

Gained more than 25 pounds during your pregnancy? You’ll never lose it fatty.

Had a labor full of complications or a C-section? Your body failed you, and your baby.

Formula fed? Baby will have low I.Q. and be sick all the time.

Breastfed for only six weeks? Quitter.

Nursed into toddlerhood? Freak.

Back to work? Neglectful.

Staying home? No ambition.

Boxed mac and cheese? Poison giver.

Homemade mac and cheese? Obnoxious overachiever.

TV watcher? Tablet user? Ignorant. Both you and your preschooler.

Private school? Elitist.

Homeschooler? Religious nut, unsocialized kids.

Public school? Oh, I get it. You’re average.

Raising an atheist? You’re going to hell.

Raising a Christian? Family of bigots.

Raising a Republican? Blasphemy.

Raising a Democrat? Are you insane?

Kid playing outside alone? I’m calling the police.

Kid never allowed to leave the house? I’m calling child protective services.

No sports? Your kid will never be able to compete in life.

Traveling sports teams? Waste of money.

Piano? Dance? Cheer? Scouts? Brownies? Your kids are overscheduled neurotics.

Do your kids laundry, make their breakfast, and pack their lunches? You’re raising incompetent future adults.

Don’t do anything for your kids? Selfish.

Low standardized test scores? Your kid has no future.

High standardized test scores? Your kids will arrive at college depressed and burnt out.

Zero extracurriculars? Yea, good luck with college applications.

Fifteen AP courses, president of everything, headed to Ivy League? Give me a freakin’ break.

Regular classes, 3.0 GPA, state school? Your kid is totally screwed.

Community college? Why bother.

And just like that, SOUL. SUCKED.

Thump thump. Thump thump. Thump thump. Thump thump.

Hey first time mom in the next room, mom who just had a baby, mom who has a house full of diaper-clad toddlers, mom who will have a first time kindergartener in a few weeks, mom with school-aged kids, and the mom who is getting ready to embrace the final years of high school or send a kid off to college—please remember one thing for me . . . 

Remember that sound of your baby’s heartbeat.

Then remember it’s YOUR baby’s heartbeat, not society’s baby, or social media’s baby, or some parenting study’s baby. 

Remember it’s YOUR baby, toddler, child, young adult, and college student.
YOURS.

Don’t let the motherhood soul suckers of the world take away one second of your joy of mothering. Not one single second.

You are the mom. Period.

You made that damn heartbeat (or had the privilege of adopting it), so you get to raise it, the way YOU want to raise it.

Nobody else.

It’s time to get your mothering joy back, deep in your souls. Start now.

Share this and let’s all get our joy back.

One thump at a time.

This was originally posted on Facebook at 4 Boys Mother – Melissa Fenton

To the Tired Mom in the Middle of the Night

Why Tired Mothers Stay Up So Late

But Mommy, You Were Too Busy

Want more stories of love, family, and faith from the heart of every home, delivered straight to you? Sign up here! 

So God Made a Mother book by Leslie Means

If you liked this, you'll love our new book, SO GOD MADE A MOTHER available for pre-order now!

Pre-Order Now

Melissa Fenton

Melissa Fenton is a freelance writer, adjunct librarian, and St. Jude Children’s Research Hospital Awareness Ambassador. She writes at http://www.4boysmother.com/. Her writing can be found all over the internet, but her work is mostly on the dinner table.

Goodbye to the Baby Hangers

In: Kids, Motherhood
Shirt hanging from small hanger, color photo

You bought them when you first found out you were pregnant. It may have been one of the first items, actually, to hold all of the precious new clothes. The smallest ones in your household. Do you remember that first newborn onesie you bought? It was one of your favorites. You couldn’t fathom you would soon hold something so small that would fit into that onesie. You washed all of the new clothing in preparation and hung them up in your baby’s closet. You know the item. A miniature version of the ones in your closet. Baby hangers. “Do we...

Keep Reading

Take the Trip, You Won’t Regret It

In: Kids, Living, Motherhood

Two years ago, in the middle of a snowy, windy, Colorado March, my husband and I made the spontaneous decision to road trip to Arizona with our three very young kids.  Even though I was excited, the nerves were so very real. Over the next couple of weeks, I literally lost sleep worrying about the logistics of our trip. My late-night mindless scrolling was replaced by searches like “traveling with toddlers” and “keeping kids entertained on road trips”. We already had our hands full chasing kids at home in a familiar setting. Were we crazy to think we could just...

Keep Reading

They’ll Remember the Love Most of All

In: Kids, Motherhood
Woman with kids from above, pregnant mother with kids hands on belly

You lie in bed at the end of a long day, the events of the day flashing back through your mind. You do this a lot—recap your day as a mama. How did you do? Did you maintain your patience? Did you play enough? Did you limit screen time? Did you yell less today than you did yesterday? You saw a really neat toddler activity in the group you’re a part of on Facebook . . . you should have done that with the kids. They would have loved it. There wasn’t enough time though, and you didn’t have all...

Keep Reading

He’s Slowly Walking Away with Footprints As Big As Mine

In: Child, Kids, Motherhood, Tween
Teen boy walking along beach shore

The true measure of a mother’s love is her willingness to wake up before the sun on vacation. On a recent trip to the shore, my youngest son begged to walk the beach at dawn to look for shells. So, I set my alarm, tumbled out of a warm, king-sized bed with extra squishy pillows, glared at my dead-to-the-world husband, and gently woke my 11-year-old. Without so much as a drop of coffee, we headed out into the morning, the sun still below the ocean horizon. With each step, I shed my zombie-like state and took in the quiet, salt-kissed...

Keep Reading

Dear Son, Raising You Right Is Worth It

In: Kids, Motherhood
little boy walking in sunlit field

You were the baby who slept nights. You were the infant who quietly stacked blocks one on top of the other. You were the toddler who watched other kids go down the slide at the park 20 times before attempting it yourself. You were the preschooler who hunkered down quietly and patiently when meeting your grandmother’s chickens. So I assumed you would be a gentle boy. And you are.   And yet, now that you’re eight, I’m beginning to understand the meaning of the phrase, “Boys will be boys.” I had my first inkling that day when you were five...

Keep Reading

Are You Watching?

In: Child, Kids, Motherhood
Little girl playing goalie at soccer practice, color photo

I brought a book to my 7-year-old daughter’s soccer practice. To be honest, I was looking forward to one hour of time when I didn’t have to do anything but sit. No one would be asking me questions, and no one would need anything from me. I wasn’t in charge. So, I set up my lawn chair, got cozy, and opened the book. But then I happened to glance up as it was her turn to run a drill. The coach was passing each kid the ball for them to kick into the goal. She stepped forward, kicked, and made...

Keep Reading

Here’s to the Apraxia Warriors

In: Kids
Smiling little boy, color photo

This one is for my son. My second born. My kind and gentle child. My apraxia warrior. From birth, he’s been my snuggler. The one whose favorite place in the whole world was anywhere near me. The happy baby, joyful toddler, and forever smiling child. The one who’d hide behind me when strangers approached. The one who doesn’t take risks and doesn’t want to try something new easily. The one who won’t make eye contact easily. Perceived by others as shy. But here’s the thing . . . he’s not shy, he’s a warrior!  What you and I take for granted...

Keep Reading

Sick Season Is Exhausting

In: Kids, Motherhood
Sick boy on couch taking a nap

I cried on the way to my daughters doctor’s appointment this morning. She is not seriously ill; I have friends who have been battling serious illness alongside their kids and I cannot imagine the toll that takes on a parent. Their experiences are far more life changing than the one I am about to share. But I cried this morning because this winter has been brutal on our little family and I am tired. I am tired of seeing my sweet kids sick and knowing there is not much I can do to ease their pain. I am tired of...

Keep Reading

Please See My Child for More than His ADHD

In: Kids, Motherhood
Little boy climbing playground equipment

When you see us in the store, you see a wild little boy who’s usually trying to run away from me or touching everything he can. If you see us at church, you see and hear a child who can’t sit quietly in the pews even though other kids his age are perfectly capable. If you see us at the park, you see a child who may get in the faces of other kids speaking a version of English that is hard to understand, and you may see him throw some sand or grab another child’s toy. Chances are, if...

Keep Reading

You Were First

In: Kids, Motherhood
Little boy smiling, black-and-white photo

You were first. You were the one we had prayed months for. The one who took the longest to get to us. The one we saw all the specialists for. The one I endured the most surgeries, procedures, and appointments for. The one we had a baby shower for. The one we turned an office into a nursery for. The one who taught us about sleepless nights. RELATED: Dear Firstborn, Because of You My Heart Grew The one who has taught us all the firsts about being parents. The one we have made the most mistakes with. The one who...

Keep Reading