My Heart Was Waiting For a Son

“Do you see that right there? Do you know what that thing is?” The ultrasound tech said as she pointed at the screen.

“Um, I’m not really sure, maybe?” Actually I knew exactly what it was, but it was something I had never seen on the screen before. It had always been hamburger buns. But this, this was new. I felt my husband’s grip tightening as the moments passed.

“You’re having a baby boy!” She exclaimed. In that moment I knew that the “thing” on the screen was his “thing”. And that things were about to change.

You see before having our son, all I knew was girls. And I loved it. Our daughters are just about as girly and whimsical as you can get. My life revolves around glitter and fashion shows, baby dolls and hair styles. The little ladies of my household are passionate and emotional, dramatic and unhinged. Sometimes I feel like the Fairy God Mother with the number of princess dresses I wash in a week’s time. And when we thought about expanding our family again, if having girls was all I would ever be blessed with, I knew I would be totally fine with it.

But little did I know, my heart was waiting.

For a son.

And the moment they laid him on my chest, a longing I never knew was there was born and suddenly my heart was overflowing with love for my little man child. When I heard those cries break through the operating room and looked in those eyes for the first time something was different. Something that ached so deep in my heart that could not be explained by any other word but one.

Son.

And with that one word my heart was instantly stolen and I could never imagine my life without him. And you know, it’s funny… one of the things that I kept thinking in the hospital as I marveled over his beautiful little self was how much I missed him before he came. It seems strange, how can you miss someone you don’t even know, right?

But I missed him all the same. And I think that’s what happens when mamas meet their boys for the first time. They miss them in the past because they finally realize everything their heart had been longing for but didn’t know it. And now that he’s here I can’t imagine a single day without him. He will hold my heart forever, and I will carry him with me always.

My son.

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