By Krystal Sieben 
Maybe I am blessed (or incredibly naïve) but I’m part of a community where I haven’t run into mean moms. I see a lot of sad stories on social media about mean-girl mom groups, and each story I read, I’m shocked.
The community where I live is regular—not super big, not a small town. We have all the sports, neighborhoods, and activities. All the events like choir concerts and plays and birthday parties and all the things. I have three kids, all different ages, genders, and abilities. Yet, at all the things, not once have I encountered a mean mom group. This morning, I spent some time thinking about why this might be . . . here’s what I came up with:
First, I am not a mean girl mom. My oldest son started kindergarten in 2018, and in that entire time, never once have I said a negative word about another mom in the community. Literally ever. My middle son is in sports and never once have I said anything “gossipy” on the sidelines about anyone. He even had an issue at one of his early practices, and I simply went straight to the mom, never spoke about the issue to anyone, and I consider the mom a friend now. I hope she feels the same.
My daughter is kind of a fly-under-the-radar kind of gal. She has a couple close friends, and sometimes they fight and all the things, but we moms pretty much stay out of it.
Second, I think sometimes the mean girl stuff starts simply because people are nervous and don’t have anything else to say. Have I done this too in my life? Yes. When there is nothing else to really talk about, it’s easy to talk about someone else. But do the work instead. When sitting on the sidelines and it’s an awkward silence, talk about the new restaurant in town, the Netflix series you love, something about work, a new dinner recipe you love, a funny Instagram account. If you aren’t sure what to say, give someone a compliment.
Third, it’s important to have interests outside your kids. For example, most of the moms in my community have so much going on that gossiping about kids or each other just isn’t going to work. For instance, my son has autism and his very best friend from kindergarten has the most wonderful mom. Unfortunately, right now she is battling cancer. She’s a fighter and an angel and just an all-around rockstar. With all she’s going through, I cannot imagine calling her and talking about something so petty as a minor conflict with another mom.
My middle son’s friends are sports kids. The moms are awesome! One throws this amazing neighborhood Halloween party, and now we get to join in. There are elaborate costumes and games and bonfires, and I cannot imagine the planning it takes, but it’s amazing. Again, I can’t imagine showing up there and putting a big turd on the day by gossiping about someone. As far as the other sports moms, we encourage each other and watch our kids and go home. No negativity needed.
This all sounds so simple, it almost seems condescending, but it’s not—I swear. My point is this: mean girl moms are bred in insecurity. It’s hard making new friends, joining groups, branching out. Man, it’s hard. And when things are hard, we often revert to the worst versions of ourselves. But just don’t. And if you have, stop.
This parenting thing is hard. For everyone. Let’s make it easier on each other and ourselves by simply being kind. Joining in on the gossip might be a momentary win as far as feeling part of the group, but long term? It’s a road to nowhere. It’s not a good look. It’s not good for our kids. We all know that. Let’s do better for our community, our kids, and ourselves.
And if you don’t have anything nice to say, keep it to yourself and find something else to talk about.
by Brianna Baranowski 
by Whitney Fleming 
