Sometimes I Get Lost in Resentful Service

I’m cleaning the house again. It seems never-ending with laundry, dinner, dishes, bills. Go there, do that. Put my head down on the pillow, wake up, and do it again. I’m full-time jobbing it too. The cycle keeps repeating ad infinitum.

What’s worse is no one seems to notice. No “Thank you, for working so hard” or “You’re appreciated.” Not one single offer of assistance or nod of gratitude. The longer I clean, the madder I get. I’m angrily mopping and furiously dusting. The house will be spotless when I’m done. With my poor attitude, my spirit won’t be.

This has continued week after week . . . for years. I’m ashamed to admit the exact number. I start out with good intentions. I want to do my part by being part of the team. Inevitably, my attitude begins to sour. Thoughts like What’s that doing here? I put it away last week and I’m clearly the only person around here that cares about keeping things clean. Every time I find and grab another offending item, I latch onto a reason to be irritated.

Sadly, it doesn’t take long for me to go from being helpful to marinating in a stew of self-righteous indignation. Over time, it’s turned itself into deep-seated resentment. I become judge, jury, and potential executioner, tearing people apart over every small defect or flaw. I’m in a tailspin. It’s not just that they didn’t pick up. They didn’t pick up because they don’t love me. I care more. Why don’t they care more? The poor me pity party has started, and it’s not pretty.

By the end of a day of cleaning, I’m ready to lacerate someone with my words. Being at my paying job all day doing many of the same tasks rarely makes me feel this way. I’m not angry at the responsibilities. I perform them with care and consistency, thankful for the opportunity to be of service. Why can’t I do them in my own home? Is it the lack of pay? The feeling that everyone is just disregarding me, or is it something else?

It is said, “Character is what we do when no one is watching.” If that’s the case, then Lord forgive me, because my character is left greatly wanting. Someone is watching: God. The longer this has gone on, the more I see and believe this is spiritual warfare. Somehow, somewhere, whether the thought was my own or it was planted by the enemy, I have cultivated serving in resentment. We are told in 2 Corinthians 10:5 to “Bring into captivity every thought to the obedience of Christ.” Clearly the only thing captive is my own mind, leaving me open to a spiritual attack. Instead of rebuking the thoughts, I’ve been holding them like my own personal worry stone.

If you, like me, find yourself resentfully serving don’t despair. There is hope. God did not give us directions of obedience without the road map to carry them out. He doesn’t expect perfection, and He doesn’t want us to go it alone.

After long-term, repeated behaviors, our minds will automatically take us to the default settings entrenched there. Part of changing the way we think is being willing to put into action the outcome we wish to see. A behaving “as if,” if you will. Becoming free of spiritual entanglements requires a willingness to reach outside ourselves, humbly asking God to help us seek the right direction.

This isn’t a one-time request. It must be consistently repeated. Like lifting a weight will increase the strength of a muscle, so too will mindful redirection of our thoughts. It’s important to recognize the quality of them. If they are causing us to feel ashamed after having had them and it’s negatively affecting our attitude, we can bet there’s a spirit of something that may be holding influence.

During my bad attitude cleaning trials, I’ve started doing a few things differently. I remind myself of what Paul the Apostle wrote in Colossians 3:23-24 (KJV), “And whatsoever ye do, do it heartily, as to the Lord, and not unto men; Knowing that of the Lord ye shall receive the reward of the inheritance: for ye serve the Lord Christ.” I know I’m working for the Lord; my attitude is already on the climb. My reward may not be available to me now. I will be rewarded; God’s word says so.

I directly rebuke the spirit of resentment before I even begin. I know it’s waiting for me in the layers of dust. I ask the Holy Spirit to guide me and help me identify any other mind detours that would take me back to, “stinking thinking” along the way. The best defense is a good offense. I’m not waiting for the attack to come. I’m taking the battle to the enemy. I’m putting him on notice the battle is the Lord’s.

Anything I come across that needs moved or put back becomes a prayer for whomever it belongs to, that includes me. It’s a triple-duty task. The house is being tidied, the mind is staying free, and prayer is at the forefront. The strongholds in my mind are being simultaneously torn down and something new is taking its place. No time for grumbling when there is prayer, praise, and worship of God. His light drives out whatever dark thought or spirit of ill intent that may come knocking at the door.

At times, like the flip of a switch, my mind wants to land me back in the rut. The “spirit of” is patient in the long game. It has nothing better to do than to wait for the right thought to pounce. We often don’t think of the enemy coming after us during such mundane tasks. What better time to take our knees out from under us? If he consistently erodes our spiritual fiber in the small tasks, it may go unnoticed. It just becomes second nature. When the big attack does come, we go down in one hit. We make our own destruction easier because we didn’t even realize what was happening.

When we seek to glorify God in any and every pursuit, our housework becomes Kingdom work. Our Kingdom work becomes part of our ministry. Ministry is spreading the light of Christ. When we are working for our Heavenly Father, the quality of our labor becomes a higher calling.