Pre-Order So God Made a Mother

Yes, I just called our kids mean. Middle school kids are mean but it’s not always their fault. Hormones are raging and they are doing their best to fit in. During these years they morph into teenagers that smell like onions. You know the smell! This is the time to introduce them to deodorant and the words LIFE IS NOT FAIR.

Most middle schools in our area pull from various elementary schools. This is a fresh start for many to start a new. They meet new friends and start exerting their independence. Trying to fit in to the social norm combined with hormones can be tricky and for some a lethal combination. For the kids that are ‘quirky’ or ‘different’ those middles school hallways can be a living hell. I have watched it first hand with my own children. My kids have their own unique personalities. They don’t always fit into the groups they seek to be a part of. They are pretty easy going when it comes to fashion or what everyone else has. I love that they don’t care what they wear or what other kids are wearing. However, they can be real jerks, too! 

Stupid hormones.

I do not like overusing the word ‘bullying.’  I think when feelings are hurt people tend to abuse the word which takes away from seriousness of certain situations. A ‘cry wolf’ effect. I say this as the parent of a child that has been teased and harassed. It is heartbreaking and certainly unfair. However, for some it can be the decision between life and death. This is not acceptable. It’s an ongoing problem in many schools. The schools do the best they can but can’t be everywhere all the time. I tell my kids that sometimes no matter how nice you are to people they are not meant to be your friend or even be kind. It’s a fact of life. Sometimes it’s a tough pill to swallow. Even for adults. 

I have found that this ‘coming of age’ hazing  starts earlier then I can remember as an adolescent. When my daughter was in elementary school we had an incident when she was in third grade. THIRD GRADE FOLKS! She was at recess and a group of her ‘peers’ circled around her and asked her to sing (the set up). My daughter has never been shy and absolutely loves to sing. I can’t say she is necessarily a good singer but do what you love. So, she proudly sang her heart out. Halfway through the song all the girls ran away laughing and mocking her (the insult). She was heartbroken. This was one of many times we had to explain “life’s not fair” to our baby girl. I don’t know if you call this bullying or kids being kids. Either way it’s hurtful. Kids want to be included and if you don’t meet an unspoken criteria then you’re out. This can destroy anyone’s self esteem.

Needless to say we pulled my daughter from public school after that year. She attended a private school for alternative learning and special needs. This school was amazing but expensive!!! Eventually our funds ran out. It was 12k/year and she attended for 4 years. You do the math. Our finances could not support this luxury anymore so we were forced to place her back into public school in 8th grade. We believe in the public school system. It’s just not for every child. 

My daughter made many mistakes trying to fit in during her transition back into public school. She would make up stories that well liked students in her class were her boyfriends. This caused quite a stir. She really struggled trying to figure out how to fit in and make friends. During her 8th grade year she had zero friends at school. Not one. She would eat lunch with the school nurse at times. Then one day a well liked boy gave her another students phone number and explained this boy liked her (the setup). The number was not real and that boy did not like her. But she called. (the insult). See…. kids are jerks! Of course she was crushed. But through tears, hugs and heartfelt conversations we tried to restore her stolen confidence. There were several issues that year. I hated middle school. She hated middle school. 

The following year she entered high school. Oh, how I love high school compared to middle school. The kids start to mature and smell good. They find their own group of friends through sports, special interest clubs and pure quirkiness. I remember someone saying that high school would be better and in her case it was. There were new problems in high school but compared to middle school we are happy those days are behind her. We still have 3 boys to help muddle through the halls of middle school and puberty has not been our friend. However, we are mentally prepared to guide them thanks to our previous experiences. 

I wanted to share our little story to tell other parents with children struggling through these awkward and painful years: you are not alone! It’s not easy. Actually it sucks. Be vigilant. There is a light at the end of the ‘hallway.’  Helicopter if you must because sometimes our children need us to assure them they are not alone. 

Surviving Middle School Meanies   www.herviewfromhome.com

So God Made a Mother book by Leslie Means

If you liked this, you'll love our new book, SO GOD MADE A MOTHER available for pre-order now!

Pre-Order Now

Kathy Rau

Kathy is raising four beautiful children with her husband, Mark. She loves living in the historic area of Fredericksburg, VA. For over 20 years, Kathy has been a Licensed Veterinary Technician and currently works part time in emergency and radioiodine medicine. Kathy runs a small business called Your Girl Friday, FXBG. Kathy has been blogging for less then a year but loves to share her stories. She has been published on Her View From Home, The Mighty, America Adopts and has had a variety of other guest posts. Her niche is Motherhood, Friendship and Adoption. You can find Kathy at: www.yourgirlblogs.com IG: krau67 Twitter: @kathyrau Facebook: Your Girl Blogs.

You’re Learning Life by Watching Me

In: Kids, Motherhood
Child touching mother's face as they lie on a bed

Every morning my daughter and I go outside for some fresh air. She feeds her chickens and plays and explores and walks around with her dog while I follow her around and have a cup of coffee.  This morning, my girl grabbed one of her coffee cups from her toy kitchen and brought it outside with her while she walked with her dog and pretended to take sips out of it.  Guys. I stood there watching her with her toy coffee cup, walking around with her animals, and I cried giant baby tears.  RELATED: I Wasn’t Counting On You Growing...

Keep Reading

Sometimes Love Means Slowing Down

In: Friendship, Kids
Two boys on bicycles riding to park, shown from behind

Think of something faster than a 7-year-old boy on a two-wheel bike. Maybe a race car at the drop of the checkered flag? Perhaps a rocket ship blasting into space? Or how quickly a toddler mom books it out of the house after being told she can have a hands-free hour ALONE in Target. Yes, all of these things are seriously speedy, but I have still never seen anything quite as quick as a boy on a bike on a sunny day with endless open track ahead of him. Until today. Today, my 6-year-old son wanted to ride bikes with...

Keep Reading

I Am a Wrestling Mom

In: Kids, Motherhood
Three young boys with wrestling medals, color photo

As the sun is rising on a frigid winter morning, a brave and determined group of athletes are weighing in at a high school gym. They are physically and mentally preparing for a long day spent at a tournament where they will spend only minutes wrestling, despite the hours they sit and wait all day. Their sport uses offense, defense, and mental strength unlike any other sport. My sons and nephew are wrestlers. They are part of a special team of athletes who work together but compete as individuals.           Their youth team is run by all volunteer coaches with...

Keep Reading

3 Ways to Help Your Firstborn Embrace Becoming a Big Brother

In: Baby, Kids, Motherhood, Toddler
Pregnant woman holding toddler son, color photo

My oldest son turned four right after his first brother was born. Four years of alone time with his parents. Four years of extra mommy time during the week. Four years of having toys to himself, extra attention from family members, and more. I didn’t plan a four-year age gap; it took our family a lot longer and a lot more help than we expected to have our second son, but age gaps aren’t everything. When my second son was finally on the way, I heard a lot of opinions about how our oldest son would feel once he finally...

Keep Reading

Dear Busy Sports Mom: It’s Worth It

In: Kids, Motherhood, Tween
Mom watching soccer game, photo from behind

My daughter stands on the front porch every morning and waves goodbye to me as I pull out of the driveway to go to work.  She is 11, and recently eye-rolling, long sighs, and tears have become more commonplace in our daily interactions. But, there is also this: “Bye! Have a good day!” she calls to me in the quiet of early morning, neighbors not yet awake in their still dark houses. “You are AMAZING! You got this!” she continues in her little adult voice, sounding more like a soccer mom than a fifth grader.   Her hair is still a...

Keep Reading

Goodbye to the Baby Hangers

In: Kids, Motherhood
Shirt hanging from small hanger, color photo

You bought them when you first found out you were pregnant. It may have been one of the first items, actually, to hold all of the precious new clothes. The smallest ones in your household. Do you remember that first newborn onesie you bought? It was one of your favorites. You couldn’t fathom you would soon hold something so small that would fit into that onesie. You washed all of the new clothing in preparation and hung them up in your baby’s closet. You know the item. A miniature version of the ones in your closet. Baby hangers. “Do we...

Keep Reading

Take the Trip, You Won’t Regret It

In: Kids, Living, Motherhood

Two years ago, in the middle of a snowy, windy, Colorado March, my husband and I made the spontaneous decision to road trip to Arizona with our three very young kids.  Even though I was excited, the nerves were so very real. Over the next couple of weeks, I literally lost sleep worrying about the logistics of our trip. My late-night mindless scrolling was replaced by searches like “traveling with toddlers” and “keeping kids entertained on road trips”. We already had our hands full chasing kids at home in a familiar setting. Were we crazy to think we could just...

Keep Reading

They’ll Remember the Love Most of All

In: Kids, Motherhood
Woman with kids from above, pregnant mother with kids hands on belly

You lie in bed at the end of a long day, the events of the day flashing back through your mind. You do this a lot—recap your day as a mama. How did you do? Did you maintain your patience? Did you play enough? Did you limit screen time? Did you yell less today than you did yesterday? You saw a really neat toddler activity in the group you’re a part of on Facebook . . . you should have done that with the kids. They would have loved it. There wasn’t enough time though, and you didn’t have all...

Keep Reading

He’s Slowly Walking Away with Footprints As Big As Mine

In: Child, Kids, Motherhood, Tween
Teen boy walking along beach shore

The true measure of a mother’s love is her willingness to wake up before the sun on vacation. On a recent trip to the shore, my youngest son begged to walk the beach at dawn to look for shells. So, I set my alarm, tumbled out of a warm, king-sized bed with extra squishy pillows, glared at my dead-to-the-world husband, and gently woke my 11-year-old. Without so much as a drop of coffee, we headed out into the morning, the sun still below the ocean horizon. With each step, I shed my zombie-like state and took in the quiet, salt-kissed...

Keep Reading

Dear Son, Raising You Right Is Worth It

In: Kids, Motherhood
little boy walking in sunlit field

You were the baby who slept nights. You were the infant who quietly stacked blocks one on top of the other. You were the toddler who watched other kids go down the slide at the park 20 times before attempting it yourself. You were the preschooler who hunkered down quietly and patiently when meeting your grandmother’s chickens. So I assumed you would be a gentle boy. And you are.   And yet, now that you’re eight, I’m beginning to understand the meaning of the phrase, “Boys will be boys.” I had my first inkling that day when you were five...

Keep Reading